#i'll kick your ass i'll kick my fiancees ass i'll kick my own ass

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I’ll Kick Your Ass, I’ll Kick My Fiancee’s Ass, I’ll Kick My Own Ass! (2/11)

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Part 2: Orientation

A slim black notebook with gilded pages. The cover is leather(ish) except for a shiny rectangle where the words “Diary” once were. However, on the inside cover is a nameplate that says, “This Diary Belongs To:” and is signed, “Akane Tendo”:

Why do I bother keeping this thing? All I do is read the entries where I’m happy and excited and figure everything will work out, and then I feel even more upset about what actually happened.

So, yeah. Dad went through with his threat-I mean, “frugality”, and made Nabiki drive down here with me and Kasumi. Nabiki was a total bitch about it so we didn’t get here till two. It’s a good thing Kasumi doesn’t look like a parent, cause she was supposed to be gone by five, but she couldn’t get out till six.

Once she was gone Nabiki went to the dining hall with me, probably just so I could ask, “Why is it so empty in here?” and she could say, “They’re probably all at their first assembly.” with a nonchalant sip of milk.

Her fucking soy milk that she isn’t even supposed to bring into the dining room.

So I scarfed my food and ran to the big arts hall, and I burst into the auditorium just in time for the sexual health and gender lecture.

They had just gotten to the part about gender identity.

I wanted to back out of the auditorium and punch myself in the face.

But I didn’t. Cause that would be even weirder than busting into an auditorium like it was prom night in an eighties movie.

So. Whatever. Great. A great way to start.

Technically nothing starts till tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll actually meet people tomorrow, and we’ll do reading and stuff, and there won’t be any more awkward lectures about consent where everyone wants to laugh, or, at least, I want to laugh, but not laugh, but there’s a part of me that just wants to giggle every time they say sex.

It’s okay. Already it’s better than last year because everyone here is going to know me as Akane Tendo, and Ranma Fucking Saotome is two hundred miles away.

Now that is a good way to start the year.

Last Five Posts on okonomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com:

5. A big ole gooey slab of okonomiyaki spread with special sauce and mayonnaise, marbled so as to resemble the pattern usually seen on mille-feuille.

4. Fanart for Elementary.

3. Beyoncé on feminism, gif set.

2. A photo of a dorm room. Thin white curtains hang from the open window, grazing a bookcase (doubling as a bedside table) scattered with perfume, contact lens case, note book, colored pens, and an orientation flier face down. #already a mess #of course #makes it feel more like home

1. A picture of two girls sitting cross legged on a bed together. One is chubby, with her hair done up in two big buns. It’s so dark it is almost purple (or is that a trick of the light, or a botched dye job?) She’s smiling and making a peace sign with one hand, the other wrapped around the neck of a bottle of grape soda. The girl next to her looks like she was doing the same thing, but she jostled her can of ginger ale, and the photo catches her mid-jerk, hair whipping out behind her as she turns, trying to steady herself.

The next photo is the chubbier girl laughing as the other slumps against the wall, a hand over her face.

She’s smiling, though.

From: lethemeatpussy@yahoo.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dude, bro, man, pal,  

I’ve got a tournament, so I won’t actually be at school till orientation’s over (I didn’t know orientation was a thing, but whatever, the dean cleared me, so it’s fine) so do whatever you want to the room. I’ll deal. Should be there sometime Sunday.

See ya!

Ranma Saotome

——Bitches ain’t shit!

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

To: prettyporkchop@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

it’s almost midnight, but I really wanted to tell you that I got here okay, and it’s actually a lot nicer than you thought it would be. It’s not Oxford, but I like the view out my window. Our dorm is kind of built into a hill, so my room is on the ground floor, but there’s a story high drop right out my window, then a hill, then the woods. They’re the kind of thin, scraggly woods you get a lot in America, but I bet it’ll be amazing in a few months when all the leaves start changing color.

That’s really all there is to talk about. I haven’t even met my roommate yet because he has a martial arts tournament and won’t be here for orientation. I looked him up and he’s apparently some martial arts prodigy—if that’s a thing??? Maybe I’ll have something more interesting to write about when he does show up, but for now I just wanted to tell you I’m doing well, and I miss you, and I hope you’re okay, too.

Love, Ryoga

A fluffy pink volume with a tiny heart shaped lock you could break by jamming a switch blade in it. Although why would you want to, since Kodachi would probably repurpose it as an overwrought metaphor, thusly:

The sun rises

But the black veil of my loneliness

Will not be pierced.

I walk the balance beam with purpose

But tears slide aimless down my cheeks.

My misery fills me up. Roots my feet to the beam.

I break from gravity

Yet I cannot fly.

If twirling upside down can not change my perspective—-

How can college ever hope to manage it?

From: Nabikitendo@email.nsj.edu

To: Tsubasakurenai@email.nsj.edu

Your receipt for transaction #34092:

1 Carton Bailey’s Farm Fresh Milk:Whole Fat

4 packs of erasers

2 Canisters Smirnoff Whipped Cream

3 Jars Bacardi Maraschino Cherries (1 without flavoring, 2 with watermelon)

Total: 167.55USD

From: Nabikitendo@email.nsj.edu

To: picoletchardin@email.nsj.edu

Your receipt for transaction #39475:

5 Cartons Snappy Ice Cream (peppermint, peach, cinnamon bun)

6 loaves of bread, Blue Ribbon Artisanal.

4 packs Dom P’s dogs

2 cartons Altoid’s Mints

Total: 443.46USD

Facebook messenger:

Shampoo: Psssst—You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s a party this weekend.

Ukyo: Who’d you hear that from?

Shampoo: Dude in my discussion group mentioned it. Said it’s a freshman only thing.

Ukyo: Sounds lame.

Shampoo: Nah, he said it would be in that four person room, in the basement of the guys dorm? It’s big and the closest TA is a floor away so…

Ukyo: What do you think freshman can even get up to?

Shampoo: Ukyo, we’re college freshman now. What can’t we get up to? ;3

Shampoo:  Also dude was bragging that there would be enough booze to drown in.

Ukyo: I guess I can’t say no to bathing in bacardi ;)

Shampoo’s phone ——> Mousse’s phone

Could you tell gran that I can’t come home

this weekend?

                                                                                              Why don’t you do it?

You know she’s bad with texting.

                                                                                              She has more social    .                                                                                             media accounts than  .                                                                                             you do.

Restaurant stuff doesn’t count.

                                                                                              Still.

                                                                                              You could tell her if      .                                                                                              you wanted.

She’ll just talk me out of it. Ask

me, ‘why can’t you come see

your poor ailing grandmother?’

                                                                                              Fine. Only because   .                                                                                             you still fall for that      .                                                                                             when I am literally        .                                                                                             watching her haul a    .                                                                                             dead pig out of the      .                                                                                             car and gut it like a     .                                                                                             fish.

From: prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Ryoga,

I miss you so much!!!! At least once the term starts I’ll have classes to keep me busy, but for now all I do is think about you and hope America hasn’t roughed you up too much. I know it’s a small college, you wanted to be closer to your mom, etc. but I’m still a little worried about how a year abroad is going to treat you.

At least I’ll get you for Christmas. It seems so far off (121 days, if you’re bored enough to count) but I know it’ll be here in a second; some years it’s like I get out of the pool and slide right into a jumper and waffle treads.

I hope your orientation thing is going well. Are you actually doing any work, or are they just making sure you know where the washing machines are? Did I tell you that when my Aunt Jackie was doing her first term she slept in the washing machine room for a week because her roommate always had her boyfriend over? I’ve heard so many college horror stories now that I’m going there. It reminds me of my first cooking competition. It’s only after you’ve been accepted and can’t back out that everyone starts talking about that time their oven exploded or their creme fresh was trés rotten. But I’m sure we can tackle this together. <3

All my love,

Akari.

——killin’ me softly/and I’m still fallin’/Still the one I need/I will always be with you

Kodachi’s Journal:

Oh!

That I were like the sparrow!

Free to leave come the winter

And return to any nest I chose.

Trapped in this prison.

Smiling

And behind my smile

I wonder

Who here can not bear the pain of the ambiguity of their emphembral ephmenral limited existence?

Am I alone in my pain?

Perhaps I could relive myself

If only I had a true grand experience

A truly life defining moment

To write about

For this stupid assignment

Which torments my dreams.

Akane’s Diary:

He’s here.

I was in the boys dorm because Betty, (this girl I’ve been hanging out with, Bio major) wanted to grab her boyfriend for dinner. Like in the girl’s dorm, everyone’s room has a little paper square with their name on it on the door, and there it was. In smeary comic sans on door 1C: Ranma Saotome.

Fuck.

Why did I think I could ever just go somewhere and be Akane Tendo?

All I wanted was a school no one from my high school was going to. Somewhere really liberal and maybe on the small side. Somewhere where no one would know me as the guy who’s now a girl who got engaged and then threw down with his/her fiancé in the fucking parking lot.

It’s almost funny. I should have expected this out of my bad sitcom of a life. I should have realized that Ranma’s complete lack of drive, combined with his inability to let down his father, and my father’s apparent desire to ruin my life by associating me with them, would cause this to happen.

Of course he would be enrolled here.

Of course.

Why do I ever hope things will change?

No, no, no pity party. I can change this. I can set Ranma straight. I could get him expelled if I wanted. Fuck him! I am not the one who doesn’t belong here, I shouldn’t be the one to leave.

                                  Final Orientation Assignment  

Please write a narrative essay describing a life changing event. The event chosen may be big or small, but the essay must fully describe an experience that changed the way you view the world, how you choose to live your life, etc. The experience may be as personal in nature as you like. You will not have to read in front of your group, though you will be invited to.  

Requirements:1,000-2,500 words in length.

Must be narrative in structure. Remember, scene not summary!

Must be an event that affected you. You may not write about another’s experience.

NOTE: Due to issues in previous years, please do not write about losing your virginity, or other sexual experiences. Coming out has been a common topic among these essays, but we ask that you refrain from explicitly sexual material.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Ukyo Kuonji                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Orientation Group 1                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         August 18th

                                           How I Learned the Truth

Your best friend should always tell you the truth. I told my best friend that, and he told me the truth: that he had always been a boy. A few years later he told me another truth: That he liked me. Then I came out, and I believed that the truth will set your free, and every other platitude, besides. Love is friendship that has caught fire. The world is your oyster. Tuna is good for your health.

Then my boyfriend told me another truth: He was engaged.

I, the person, who would believe anything, said, “Yeah, right.” I was stupid enough to wonder if what he had said was the start of a proposal.

He stared at me, toying with the scarf around his neck. We were standing at the front gate of our high school. He’d been waiting for me there, early for once, even though it was November and was already cold enough that most people were scurrying inside as fast as they could.

The front yard was fairly empty, so Ranma’s boots scuffling on the cement became the loudest sound.

“I’m engaged to this guy.” He said.

“You don’t even like guys.” I said, forgetting that the rest of the world doesn’t know my boyfriend. Doesn’t always think of him as a boy.

“My dad, he wants me to marry this guy. He’s got this idea, you know, cause I’m going to take over the dojo.” “There isn’t a dojo to take over.” I said, forgetting that Ranma would dive into a pit of hungry cats if his father asked him to. Would gladly take over an imaginary dojo.

“His family has one. A real dojo. It’s really nice. They’re that family dad and I have dinner with on Sundays. You met them once, remember? That’s why I was so weird that day. Our dads were already talking about this.” Under his breath he added, “Making shitty innuendos, even.”

I had already forgotten the faces of the huge family who all rushed past me on their way out of Ranma’s house, but I remembered vividly how good they had smelled, one of them holding a stack of tupperware, steam condensing on the lids. Ranma had been a little weird after that, but I thought it was because we had sex for the first time about a week ago and it was that sort of, pass-me-a-chip-will-you-person-I-lost-my-virginity-to? awkwardness. Not Oh-and-by-the-way-I’m-engaged-to-someone-else-because-I-constantly-crave-my-father’s-approval awkwardness.

I didn’t even know they made that kind.

“But you love me.” I said, and that was the truth. I took Ranma’s hand and pressed it to my chest, except I was a bit overzealous and slammed it into the soft spot between my collarbone and breasts. It bruised. “If your parents are going to suggest a child marriage, why-why don’t you and I get married?”

The second worst truth I learned that day was that I would have done that. I would have skipped school, stolen my father’s car, and found a court house. I would have married Ranma. I could see him and I bursting into my house, red cheeked from the wind and happiness, clutching the marriage license between us, smiling and laughing and invulnerable.

Ranma’s hand slid from mine. Our marriage license fluttered to the ground.

“One, we’re not eighteen. Two…” Ranma held my eyes for a moment, and it was the worst moment of my life because I saw the truth: All those emotions I thought were love, they could be boxed up and pushed aside. Perhaps not without some angst, but it could be done. The truth was that love can not climb mountains. It can’t cure illness. It can’t even argue with your father.

Love is friendship that has caught fire, sure, but then it goes out and the friendship has all burned up. No love lasts. Not the love between a child and their parent, not the love between friends, not the love between lovers. Eventually all you have is a hope of love as you do everything in your power to hold on to the person who used to embody it.

The late bell rang and we both headed inside. We were walking next to each other, but not together. That was when I decided that if Ranma didn’t have to care about this, I didn’t have to either. I wasn’t going to become like him, chasing down love and trying to corner it in dark alleys. I boxed up all my feelings and tossed them down the back stairs. Along with all the shit he had ever given me or left at my house over the years. My dad watched from his chair in the living room as I found every single book, sock, and stupid trinket that I knew was his.

“I thought you two were going to prom together.” My dad said while I was rummaging under the couch. Before my mother left she told me all sorts of important things, like that I should go to therapy and that my parents lost their virginity to each other at prom. I have a feeling my father suspected that Ranma and I were going to keep up the tradition, sans ditching our real dates by the punch bowl.

“Prom’s not till next year.” I emerged from under the couch covered in dust bunnies.

“Still. I thought you two had plans.”

“We do.” They just aren’t the same ones.

My father leaned forward in his chair and put his hands on his knees. “Ukyo, I just want to know what Ranma did to upset you, and if it warrants me going down there with a gun.”

“You don’t have a gun, dad.” I kicked up the rug to see if anything had been swept under it.  “And even if you did, you wouldn’t threaten a kid with it.”

“I don’t think you’re kids anymore. You can certainly hurt each other like adults.”

“He didn’t hurt me. He just doesn’t love me anymore.” Of course that was the fact that made my gut burn like there was a hot knife in it, but it was a fact. Ranma hadn’t hurt me. He told me the truth.

Genma’s phone——-> Ranma’s phone

Ranma?

Ranma?

Did you go to get the food? I want two breasts and coleslaw.

Ranma?

Ranma?

Either you’re dead in a ditch or you’re going to be.

                                                                                               August 20th              .                                                                                           Orientation group 4     .                                                                                            Ryoga Hibiki

                                 An Experience That Changed My Life.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

I’m in love.

Okay, okay, wait, here’s the punchline: She’s not my girlfriend. Or a friend. Or even my mom.

I just found out that I’ve never been in love before, not with any of those people. I fell in love two nights ago, when I woke up to someone screaming my roommate’s name.

It took me a second to wake up all the way, and for my brain to turn the sounds I was hearing into words, but then it was clear as day.

“Ranma Saotome! Ranma Saotome, I know you’re in there!”

I cranked the window open even further and stuck my head out to scream back, but then I saw her and I just…

She’s so beautiful. She was on the ledge where the hill behind my dorm starts. She stood straight, her fists clenched, shaking with anger. Her hair was cut sharp and short, and her eyes were huge in the strange light. Half blue moonlight, half disturbingly orange street lamp. The glow was unearthly. She was awesome—The old meaning of the word, beautiful and terrible and probably not to be touched, but magnetic all the same.

She paused for a second, then screamed

“RANMA SAOTOME!”

with her whole heart, and all her breath besides.

“He’s not here!” I yelled back.

“Shut up!” She took another breath, ready to scream all night for retribution, so I continued,

“I’m serious, he had a tournament. He won’t be here till orientation ends. He sent me an email about it. I’m his roommate.” It was probably a little garbled, because I don’t have the lung capacity that Akane does, but she understood me. She was quiet for a moment.

“Come in!” I yelled, “We can talk about it.”

“Shut up!” Someone screamed from a different floor.

“Okay!” She said, and she took off running. She was barefoot under her skirt and her legs were so long when she ran they shortened the ground beneath her.

I was watching her run when I remembered that I was in my boxers. I jumped back from the window, put on a light, turned on some pants, and hoped my room didn’t already reek of b.o.

Then she was in my room, and she was just as ethereal under the fluorescents as she had been outside. Her eyes slid from the bare mattress on one side of the room to my half. Not that there was much difference. White sheets, my yellow flannel pillow case that I’ve had since I was  ten, half of my key chain collection hanging over my desk and the tiny plastic replicas of the crown jewels. There were also a few postcards and the rest of my keychain collection piled on top of my desk, waiting to be hung up properly.

“I’m Ryoga Hibki,” I said, extending my hand to shake.

“Akane Tendo.” She said, and I found out that her hands had thick calluses on them. It was surprising when I had expected soft skin, but given the smoothness when she ran maybe I shouldn’t have.

“What do you need with Ranma?” I asked. I managed to lean casually against my desk and not slip and crack my head on a varnished corner and kill myself.

“He…” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “He and I have some history we need to sort out.”

My heart plummeted, then rose so quickly I felt dizzy. What did that mean? Was it good? For me? All I knew was that I had to say something similar if she asked about Akari. Lets say she somehow intuited that I currently had a girlfriend. Let’s say. But I won’t very very soon.

“So he put a tournament over orientation and got away with it.” She muttered. “Of course.”

“Well, it’s not like it takes much orienting.” I said, “Y’know, the dorms are here, the classrooms are over there, and the vending machine is down the hall. I figured it all out on my first day.” I puffed my chest up like that was an accomplishment, and she laughed, which actually was one.

“I know. All he’s really missing out on is having to write this dumb essay thing.” (I’m sorry if that offends you, but you said we should all be as honest as possible in these essays. Actually, if that’s true, I wonder if you’re going to have a stack of essays about how stupid these essays are. Not that I think they’re stupid, but that’s just the sort of smart-ass thing a bunch of college freshman would try to get away with).

Anyway, I’ll have to skim a bit, because she said some really personal things about her, and this guy, and the not-relationship they have, even though their parents seem to be bent on getting them together, and you said we weren’t supposed to write about someone else’s experience, so I’ll let Akane write about that in her essay if she wants.

But, even if I can’t tell you exactly what she said, I think I can tell you how she said it. How she enunciates the important words very clearly, how she wiggles her hips a little bit when she’s excited, and how we talked and talked and talked for so long I almost didn’t have the time to sit down and write an entirely new essay. Not that the original one was any good(it was about coming here, and how I’m really excited to be in one place for a whole four years, but that is an experience I hope to have, not one I already did, so I knew it was bullshit from the start), and maybe this one isn’t much better. I mean, it’s just about me falling in love. I’m sure this whole thing has been done to death, but goddamn.

I never got it, you know, the endless poems, and songs, and books about love. I suppose that’s proof right there that I was never in love. I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought, ‘Sure, love’s great, but does everyone really need to be going on about it all the time?’, but now that I’m in it, I mean sunk so deep I feel weightless, I’ve found out that love is more than worth going on and on about. I mean, I don’t know how I can keep myself from just getting up in the middle of class and saying, “Hey, this Sandra Cisneros poem is great and all, but who wants to talk about how perfect Akane’s laugh is? Like, is there a scientifically provable better sound out there? And, if so, is it even worth tracking down?”

All those cheesy things they say about love, they’re true. And when you feel them down to your bones you find that they fill you up until everything you know about love just comes pouring out.

Face book, Ranma Saotme, Latest post:

A picture of a slushie larger and more red than anything humans were ever meant to ingest in one sitting, jammed into a car cupholder.

The caption above reads: Road trip=cheat day, right? ;p

Ranma’s phone——> Genma’s phone

Just got to school. Figured I might

as well head out.

                                                                        Glad you were so excited to see            

                                                                        Akane. But how am I supposed

                                                                        to get my car back?

Seen ✓

                                                                        What the fuck does that mean?

                                                                        Ranma, I want my car back.

Ryoga’s phone——-> Ranma’s phone

I dunno when you’re done with

the dean or whatever

But some guys are having a

party in our dorm. You know

the basement room?

                                                                    No, but I’m ready to party

Excellent.

CRAZY DRUNK FRESHMAN CAN DANCE AND DUEL??!!

A video clearly taken on a smart phone and simply thrown onto youtube, given the huge black margins. The footage is grainy, but not badly lit.

It’s hard to tell if the room is a basement or a living room, given the concrete floors. It sure looks like a house party, though, young people milling around with red cups, someone laughing obnoxiously loud just off camera.

The music that was playing unobtrusively in the background suddenly blares into the foreground as the camera is trained on a desk covered in half eaten junk food.

“Oh shit!” Someone screams, “I know this one!”

Heads turn in the direction of the voice. The camera doesn’t.

A guy lands on the cluttered table. You don’t see him leap, just land. He’s debatably handsome, and clearly drunk, though he still manages to get down with considerable skill. A bit off balance, perhaps with more booty wiggles than a sober person would allow themselves, but the boy can dance.

People are starting to crowd around the makeshift stage, and the camera is hiked higher.

“Hey!” The guy yells, breaking out of his dancing reverie to single out someone not visible from this far back. “Come on, dance with me!” He slides out of view, but a second later he jumps back onto the table, carrying a girl princess-style. She’s wearing a conservatively cut red velvet dress, like she’s at her cousin’s Christmas recital or something, but she looks appropriately confused at this sudden turn of events.

The guy sets her down on the table and starts dancing around her. Not like a bird doing a mating dance, but more like she’s a pole. A pole he finds very attractive. Hoots and whistles emanate from the crowd. The camera is jostled, and for a second whoever is holding it turns and we can see someone with a long brown ponytail and a grin taking up their entire face.

“Send me a copy of this!” They yell. “That asshole’s my ex!”

“Oh, okay,” Says our cameraman. They focus on this person for another second as they laugh, before remembering what they were supposed to be doing and the camera swings back to the main attraction.

The girl on the table has gone bright red, and seems to be trying to distract herself from the fact that half of her class is watching a guy grind on her when she yells, “So what’s your name?”

He kisses her cheek and spins her around, before dropping to one knee, “Ranma Saotome!” He says, before taking her hand and kissing it, as though this is a proper introduction from another era.

“Kodachi!” Someone screams from the back of the room. This time when heads turn the camera follows. A man stands in the open door. He’s sober and wearing a nice button up, so he’s probably not a freshman. He marches toward the table, parting his underclassman like a green sea.

“Ranma Saotome!” He yells in Ranma’s face.

Ranma is still bent over Kodachi’s hand.

“That’s me!” He replies, with a shit eating grin.

The other man seethes for a moment. You can almost see steam rising off of him like a giant boar.

“Ranma Saotome, for besmirching my sisters honor, I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall duel you.”

“What, like, at dawn?”

Tatewaki reaches up and sweeps the girl, who, now that he mentions it, does share his dark, thick hair and elegant nose, down from the table. “At dawn it shall be. I look forward to seeing you on your knees.”

“I don’t swing that way, man.” Ranma says, smacking Tatewaki good naturedly on the back from his perch.

Tatewaki bristles. “You will be begging for mercy!” He goes back the way he came, stopping at the door to adjust his sister’s weight in his arms and announce, “You and I, at dawn, on the hill behind the science compound.”

“Can it be more like six am?” Someone in the crowd yells, and after a general murmur of agreement both men decide that six will be a better time.

“Six on the dot!” Tatewaki says, probably just so he has something to yell before sweeping out dramatically.

“See ya!” Ranma calls back with a cheery wave, ruining the effect.

The video cuts out.

A flimsy, spiral bound note book, with a little tulip on the front, and the words, “MY DIARY” in a faux-childish scrawl. It spends most nights under Kuno’s pillow. Not that he’s scared of his roommate-a brother in kendo-reading it, but he believes that if he sleeps with his transcribed thoughts near him someday his body and his mind and his heart may all line up and stop vexing him with different desires. It hasn’t worked yet, but it hasn’t messed his neck up either, so he keeps at it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Okay. Alright. I will remain calm. While this is not an auspicious start to this year, I am sure that all this can be cleared up before the end of the semester. Perhaps before September is out.

You recall, of course, how that vile creature, Ranma Saotome, assaulted my sister’s honor. So I challenged him to a duel in order to best defend it. A few students got into trouble for this sort of thing last year, but they were arguing over the Star Wars prequels, and I believe they had guns besides.

At any rate.

There we were, he and I, (and the expected crowd of onlookers) standing on the field that slopes down toward the science building, the mist rolling in, dawn greying the sky above us. It was quite a romantic setting, rather like the rolling moors of Scotland or Ireland—Wherever it is that they have rolling moors and mist in great abundance.

Nabiki Tendo was strutting around as though she had organized the event. Anything for money or attention, I suppose. That she never wishes to be an actress is a great blow to the industry (and likely robs many fine directors of one).

At any rate, there we were, my opponent and I, and he had come unarmed. Also, he was swaying rather strangely. There was no music, and he did not seem to have any headphones. It occurred to me that he may be suffering from over intoxication, but he had agreed to this duel, so it was entirely his problem if he was ill.

Still, I had not expected him to bring a weapon, so I tossed him my back up wood.

“My back up wood.” I explained as he stared quizzically at the sword he had just caught.

He turned his confused gaze to me. “As in, like, back up onto it?”

I wanted to spit at his crudity, but I am not an eye for an eye sort of man, so I managed to restrain myself.

“Draw your weapon!” I said.

He held his sword out as though he were far sighted and needed a better look at it.

“Alright!” Nabiki Tendo yelled. I shudder to recall how her voice rolled across the hill. She makes my skin crawl, and I’m sure she knows it. She winked at me. I wonder if she chalked my shivering up to the mist.

“Gentlemen, you will stand with your backs pressed against each other,” Saotome made a remark related to his earlier statement about my sword that does not bear repeating, “Walk five paces, turn, and draw.” She damned me with her smile once again. “Just to keep things equal. Alright, boys?”

It was not equal, I will say that right now. I knew that my opponent was not classically trained, but I had not expected him to throw his sword at me! I deflected it, of course, but then it was his whole body that was hurtling toward me. I was shocked that I was immediately on the defensive, but I did not intend to remain there. I not only dodged, but managed to spin him with a slight blow which knocked him much further off balance than it might a sober opponent.

He retaliated and almost wrenched the sword from my hands by bouncing off of it, but I got in an uppercut that must have bruised one of his thighs, and I would have done much worse… Oh, he should tremble at night at the thought of what I may have done to him!

But that was when I heard screaming, and the crowd watching us dispersed. It took me a moment to understand just what was happening, but then I caught sight of the back of Nabiki Tendo’s head, and, though I am not a sailor, I too understand what it means when rats flee a ship.

Now, I am a man of honor, but I am also a man who doesn’t want an expulsion on my record. I ran into the green house that adjoins the science building, wiggled through the doggy door that would get me into the science building proper, and hid in the room where they’ve been doing laser experiments. A perfectly honorable way to flee, I assure you.

At any rate, though I wish I had given Saotome an real injury to consider rather than merely the threat of one, I feel safe that my sister’s honor was as protected as it could be under the circumstances.

Kodachi’s Journal:

My darling.

Forgive me

The vile things done in the name of my honor,

I assure you my honor was not bruised, nor even beset.

The purity my brother imagines of me is not of my design.

Though,

I admit.

Never before your hands

and thighs

and rock hard ass

has another man’s touched me as yours did.

I know you will understand when I explain it to you.

I hear you did admirably in my name

Perhaps you have grasped my feelings already

We share a link unbound by the laws of time and space.

In fact, as I fell asleep last night,

I could hear your name in my chest rather than a beat.

Ran-ma

Ran-ma

Ran-ma

Now my life begins.

[see-arcane]

one video game site describing the game's premise:

"In the trailer, Harker was perceived as a much more efficient and courageous vampire hunter, as opposed to the classic portrayal of Jonathan Harker in Bram Stoker’s books and films, including Dracula."

sir... sir... he literally killed dracula in the book...

You know.

I think this broke me just a little more. My camel back was already broken under so many straws, but I think this one made me collapse back in on myself.

So.

There's a lot to be said about the inspirational power of great works of media. Stories and masterpieces that spur wonder, love, and awe. The ones that give you a goal to aspire to in your own creative endeavors. The strive to match up to something great can do a lot.

But I'll tell you, friend. There is nothing quite as empowering as pure, unbridled spite. Just full-on loathing for every piece of half-assed, fan fictionified, self insert-riddled, character-botching, absolute shrug of a creative work that tries to hide under the disguise of a public domain title to cover for its inadequacies, and not only getting away with it because so much of the audience hasn't read the book, not only profiting off of it, but leaving a nigh irremovable stain on the entire pop cultural mind that is so hugely, categorically, monstrously Wrong, that the 'understanding' of the book and its characters is treated as offhand. Because 'everyone knows' it.

"Sure! Everyone knows Jonathan Harker doesn't have any real vampire hunting experience! That's all Van Helsing's shtick, what with him being the very definite for-real nemesis of Dracula, ha ha! Nice of these video game people to give the little guy a shot, eh?"

Just. Wow.

I am ready to make so, so much Jonathan Harker shit. Barking Harker? Sure. Absolutely. Doc's open right now. But maybe I'll do more. Love is my kindling, but bile is the fuel on the fire.

I can do Jonathan Harker as the Superior Dracula, complete with ripping Coppola's reincarnation love interest gimmick out his asshole and doing the Romantic Dracula Trope real justice. Why? BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY JONATHAN AND JONATHAN CAN PULL OFF THE WHITE-HAIRED PINING UNDEAD ROLE BETTER. How about that?

How about I make a whole ass script and screenplay for a Dracula series actually in line with the book? No creative license! No Dracula-wolf sex scenes or cheating fiancees or jealous suitors or dodging the el gee bee tee edges or turning Van Helsing into an anime man who saves the day! Just actual events that actually happened in the 125-year-old book that every modern adaptation is too cis-straight-scared to do! How about that?

How about I eat the heart out of every single Van Helsing-centric Monster Hunter series and anime and make it all about the Harkers, their friends, and/or their descendants? How about that?

How about the Harkers getting an eternal vampiric honeymoon after the Transylvanian trip goes bloodily south and they just go about their undead business forever and Dracula is nothing but a footnote in their story which he always was anyway? How about that?

HOW ABOUT I FLOOD THE WORLD WITH DRACULA CONTENT WHERE DRACULA IS NO MORE OR LESS THAN THE SADISTIC VILLAIN HE'S ALWAYS BEEN AND GETS HIS ASS KICKED AND HEAD CHOPPED LIKE THE LOSER BASTARD DESERVES???

HOW ABOUT THAT????

I WILL LIVE TO SEE A WORLD THAT REGISTERS EXACTLY HOW BADASS JONATHAN HARKER AND ALL OF THE HUMAN CAST IS, A WORLD THAT SEES DRACULA FOR THE UNDEAD UNDERWEAR STAIN HE ALWAYS WAS,

FOR I WILL CRAFT THAT WORLD MYSELF UPON THE BONES AND BLOOD OF THE INFINITE BASTARDIZATIONS THAT CAME BEFORE THEM!

I SHALL NOT SUFFER THESE ICE-COLD 'lol no I never touched the book but I kinda remember the wiki for the Coppola movie' TAKES FOR ALL ETERNITY. I WILL REWRITE THE PUBLIC OSMOSIS UNTIL ALL THEY KNOW OF DRACULA IS THAT JONATHAN HARKER KILLED HIM IN HIS DIRT BOX.

Anyway.

To all my Dracula Dailiers out there. I say again. Join me. While our little book club did wonders, the fact is, not a ton of people are going to ever bother with the dusty old novel. Spinoffs and sequels? Sure. But not (what they assume is) a dry old classic. Which leaves audiences and filmmakers caught in a perpetual profit and expectation-based loop.

People assume Dracula is Sexy-Suave Count Fuckula and that Mina hooks up with him while Van Helsing and [INSERT HUMAN NOBODIES HERE] are pushed to the sidelines. So that's what directors will keep churning out. Ditto for makers of books, comics, shows, and video games. It will just keep going in the same rut.

Unless we put some new blood out there. There are so many possibilities. So much that can be made to finally drag the spotlight away from the Count and give it back to the characters who deserve it.

So please. Please. Make that Dracula-derived thing you're unsure about. Even at its most indulgent and outlandish, you have read the book. And you know more about what you're doing than literally any so-called professional who's churned out their tired knockoffs of knockoffs. (Or the folks who take their opinions from the same.)

[theficplug]

ll 𝒾 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇 ll

Yahya x Black Reader

{a little malcolm & marie loosely, not so loosely inspired fic and after seeing a few things from Yahya. I’ve decided to write this.}

Warnings: none, i think ? possible tw: the brief mention of abandonment issues

Yahya was already padding through your shared cozy modern loft. 

His “good shoes'' as he calls them, long forgotten by the welcome mat.

 He headed straight to the kitchen to reheat leftovers from the Valentine's Day dinner you prepared for him last night. 

“Hors d'oeuvres weren't cutting it baby. And it was dry as hell.” he says jokingly as he turns on the Alexa. 

All Night by Beyonce plays softly in the background.

“What’s with you? You’ve barely said two words since we’ve gotten back from the event. You mad?” he asks slinging the blazer over the counter and kicking back against it. 

"I'm not angry Yahya. I want to take this tight ass dress off, have a warm shower , and go to bed. Can I do that in peace? " You say to him as you kick off the heels and make your way to the bedroom.

He was right on your trails as he followed you in and crossed his arms. 

“You looked beautiful tonight. Look at you.” he compliments 

The day of love was supposed to be just that but it felt like it was veering towards the opposite end of the spectrum. You take off your ears placing them in the jewelry holder carefully before sighing and kicking off your heels next. 

Yahya reassured you that he’d be home for Valentines Day but instead chose to take the last minute wrap dinner with his castmates and talk with the producers of his current project to secure the role on the next. 

You were more than happy for your man after busting his ass and finally securing a major role in the reboot of Candy Man and the newest male lead in his upcoming show. You truly were but it seemed as though for a while now he held no space for you in his chaotic world. 

You could feel Yahya eyeing you down as you silently, apart from the occasional huffing and puffy or mumbling little words to yourself. 

Yahya stands in the doorway of your bedroom watching you angrily snatch the clothes from the floor and set them aside before unzipping your dress. 

He frowns for a second before loosening his tie and contemplating walking over to you and helping you. After unzipping your cherry coloured silk gown the rest of the way his hands caresses slowly from your hips to your back, up your arms and finally settle on your shoulders. Yahya moves your hair curls to the side for a second placing soft kisses on to your neck. 

His hands already pulling at the end of your dress to your waist letting his hands wander 

He gazes at you for a moment noticing that the stoic expression is still etched across your face. 

"So you just gon’ be silent with me the whole night? No congratulatory kisses for your man."

“For.” kiss. “Your.” kiss. “Man.” kiss. 

 He whispers again against your neck and you move his hands off of you gently. 

"What’s up with you?" He asks again this time his voice laced with confusion as he tries to figure out why you've been acting this way since you left the event and the restaurant. 

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. I'm just tired. I ended up working all day yesterday since you didn’t come home and now I just want to relax and sleep." You reply before stripping down to just your stockings and grabbing your shower gels and caddy. 

"How am I supposed to fix whatever is going on here if you're going to act like this? What's wrong with you?" He asks again this time a little more concerned with the way you brushed him off. 

"What's wrong with me? Hmmm, Let's see, I've had to take care of our home and its repairs by myself for the past 8 months. I feel like I’m in a relationship by myself most days. And my fiance drives me to yet another fucking cast dinner . Where he fails to put his castmate in her place when she was clearly flirting with him right in front of his fiancee." You unload and Yahya whips his head around at you to process all  of your words. 

He cocks his head to the side before scoffing at your accusations. 

"So, instead of telling me how you felt you’d rather fucking explode on me on tonight of all nights. When I’ve just landed a record breaking 6 season extension and approval from Netflix. Who basically has the film industry by it’s balls right now. I’m not a mind reader. Baby, I didn’t know that she was going to say all of that. I was trying to be professional and let her make a fool of herself all on her own." He replies and you walk in the bathroom to put all of your things on the counter.

“Oh, I picked you because I knew we would drive the fans absolutely freaking wild. You know we’re just hot and have that chemistry on and off camera to make it you know like, work. Love scenes are easy to portray when you’ve got a man like Yah as your scene partner.” you mock her nasally and obnoxious tone as you pucker your lips mimicking her stiff lip fillers. 

"You never do Yahya. Nothing’s ever your fault! The waitress that asked if you could bench press her. The random woman holding onto your arm at the “celebratory dinner” in Denmark. I saw the pictures. You can have your head tossed back laughing hysterically with her but you can't even pick up the phone and see how your fiancee is holding up in the first winter without you here.`` 

"That’s not fair. It was dinner. The director’s daughter.  A dinner that he attended too. What do you want me to say? "No I'll  sit this one out because my girl doesn't want me to talk to other people because she still hasn't learned to deal with her insecurities and projects them onto everything I do"." he retorts and you stare him in the eye before tears well in yours. 

The silence falls over both of you as you stare him down. He was really standing here bringing out things you've told him during past pillow talks. 

You stare at each other in the mirror and he immediately  wraps his arms around you to apologize and kiss all over your shoulder and face. 

"No, You tell them that I can count on one hand how many months out of the year we spent together last year. You tell them that my girl had to spend Christmas watching everyone else get loved on and share the holiday cheer while I got to watch you skii over facetime. You tell them my girl made a beautiful steak dinner last night and got me tickets to watch my favourite fucking team for VaIentine’s Day, but I’d rather spend it talk about an old white guy’s scripts. I thought about breaking up with you around Thanksgiving before you came home. I blamed it on the distance, you know. I just felt that way because I only ever got to see you over facetime for what seemed like an hour or 2 a day. I said that when you came home everything would be okay again. I think that I may have been wrong. There’s two people in this relationship. But I also feel as though I may be holding onto something that's just not there." you tell him before grabbing your things out of his hands and stepping into the shower. 

Yahya swallowed hard and looked down at you for a moment, his jaw going slack for a second but his pride not letting him admit that he may have been in the wrong. 

"You didn’t tell me none of this. When I call you and I ask you how are you feeling? You always say it’s fine , it’s fine, everything’s fine. I mean we knew the kind of lives we lived when we got on this ride together. You traveled. I traveled. We traveled together. That’s how it was until you decided that acting wasn’t for you. I’m not abandoning you bae. That’s not what’s happening here." Yahya explains as he starts his skincare routine.

You let the warm water wash over you and the coils of your hair as you peel off the lashes and let out a long sigh.

Yahyah knew that one of your things was that you didn’t want to feel like a burden or to feel like you’ve been forgotten but this rough spat felt different.

"I wanted you. I wanted you to hold me and tell me you loved me and that I looked pretty for once." 

"You always look pretty though. You know that." 

“Happy Anniversary, Yahya.” you say quietly and you can hear him let out a drawn out “damn it” as he washes the cleanser off his face and looks up at you through the fogged glass. 

He drops his head slighly as he stands at the door before openingn it. . 

“I’m going to fix all of this. I love you and I want you to know that I’m sorry. You are the last person in my life that I wanna lose or hurt. I need you to know that I’m still the one you can turn to. You’re still the one I wanna experience this life with. Your greatest joys and highs. Your sad days when you just need to be held. The days where we lay together in bed and I can hear your heartbeat. Probably the cheesiest shit you've ever heard but it's my favourite sound I mean you calling out my name is a close second but that one is my favourite.” he reassures. He relaxes against your touch when you turn to face him and wrap your arms around him. 

Yahya embraces you, unphased by the fact that his shirt and pants are getting soaked. 

“Now that I’m thinking about it. I’ve fallen in love with you over and over again. There’s so many layers to you. It’s everyday I’m falling in love with something new about you. Even on days like this.  First time I fell in love with you. We were sitting at this coffee shop tapping your pencil against a notepad. You had Diary by Alicia Keys stuck in your head and you kept singing parts of the song to me throughout the day. You had this pretty floral pattern type of baby blue dress that fell off your shoulders. You wore your grandmother’s ring cause you said it always calms your nerves to have her there with you when you auditioned. Nobody had even heard of me before. I was going for some feature film role. At the time you were going for a recurring role on the Young & The Restless or some show like that. I remember you were reading the script and you let out a laugh. It was your laugh. The loud remedy of it curing the butterflies in my stomach. The little patch of the 4c bangs in the front, the rest of your hair slicked back into a puff. I loved the way that it framed your lil round face. The gold hoops against your deep beautiful brown skin. I liked the way you did your makeup. With the lil highlight at the tip of your nose. It made you look like a lil fairy...I proposed to you that day. After 6 months of knowing you.  Baby it was you, everything about you. You were laughing at having dump iced coffee all over your scene partner’s head but I was smiling because I knew. I was like so this is what made all them oldheads sing like that in the blues songs my daddy used to play. I wanted to be in it for the long haul. And I still do. I know I got a lot of making up to do. But I want you to know that I see you. I see you and I’m going to do what I need to do to make everything more than just alright. I love you.” 

You let his words soak in as he cupped your face and you nodded along to his words. After helping him strip off his drenched clothes he steps into the shower with you where you embraced him in your arms gain. 

“You’ve always told me that you knew early on but you never told me. I love you too, you know. It’s just you know how I am more than anybody. I know that your dreams are finally coming true and you deserve that.  I don’t want to stand in the way of that. But I still find a way to balance my work and our relationship. I just want you to meet me in the middle.” you say  against his lips before capturing his plump lips in a kiss. 

“I’m gonna fix it..” He reassures you in between kisses 

“We’ve still got 3 hours left of our anniversary. Our record is 5. We can still try to break that” you whisper in his ear-

( i don’t know what this is lol. sorry I didn’t get any valentines posts up.  i had a whole migraine and have had more low days than up in the past weeks but we keep going. i hoped you like this little, i dont know what to call it. i dont really know how to write fluff lol so here’s the angst.)

[leporellian]

please infodump about song of the sky it sounds interesting :))

ok so. song of the sky my novel song of the sky. if you followed my webcomic back when i was doing that this will probably sound more than familiar to you but that's fine

SO song of the sky takes place in like. you know in like, 80s animated kids movies where the mice or rats or whatever have their -secret civilized animals- society and they basically all act like humans except for when they don't? That Trope is the basis of the setting here. all the characters (unless otherwise specified) are cats. they act like people though. humans still exist, and they live in a world for humans! the humans can't understand them or anything. you know that meme from barnyard (2006)? essentially that. and its in chicago. you know how it is

ok now anyway now that we've gotten this out of the way

so like 2 years prior to the story (which is longer to cats ofc) the former ruler of the city cats, king sarastro, was Overthrown by The Starblazer, a revolutionary. sarastro and the starblazer were actually originally close friends but sarastro cared too much abt his private circle of people and not enough abt like, The Actual Citizens Of His City, for the starblazer's comfort and this growing rift led to them McFucking Attacking each other. so the starblazer and her husband become rulers and are like 'yay we did it :) we're better than kings! we can do this better!' but it turns out they CANT do it better bc the husband just Dies of stress and the starblazer is overcome with the same paranoia and fear of her own people that led to acting Like That. and then even though she was just like 'i am better than kings and queens i'm going to elect my heir based on merit :)' like 5 mins ago she decides 'oh no i don't trust anyone besides my own daughter to be next heir lol' so Nothing Has Been Done.

also sarastro is still alive. his kids were killed etc but he himself is still alive and still has his followers. so now we have sarastro and the starblazer, who are both very similar but also really hate each other, vying for control of the city. nothing can go bad here

so the plot kicks off when sarastro is like 'wait i GOT it'. he and his second in command, the speaker, have figured out that if they just steal the starblazer's daughter/heir and wait for the starblazer to die, then they essentially get power handed to them on a platter without having to fight. the morality of this decision can be debated bc on one hand, finding a way to solve things without sending your citizens into battle is a Good Idea, but on the other hand... you know. kidnapping. so naturally the starblazer flips her shit over this

so anyway the main protagonist of this isn't sarastro OR the starblazer even tho they caused all this mess. it's pamina, the starblazer's daughter, and tamino, a randomass(?) housecat she recruited to go get pamina from sarastro.

tamino is filled with wanderlust and really wants to have a destiny and an identifiable purpose for his existence. he also really wants approval from everyone around him, particularly parental figures. no way that can go badly. tamino is accompanied in his quest by papageno, a birdcatcher working for the starblazer who really just doesn't give a shit about this entire situation. tamino tells him 'hey i'm suffering from a pathological need to only value myself on a basis of how much praise and approval i get from authoritative figures' tamino says. 'geez that sucks have you tried like not fucking worrying about it dude' replies papageno. also papageno has a dead fiancee but that's a whole other thing i'll get to her -later-

meanwhile pamina is just so fucking funny to me because she's spending every moment just figuring out how to kill sarastro. she hates that asgore dreemurr looking ass bitch so much. but also a lot of this thinking comes from her wanting to please her mother . pamina is so Fucking Mad but she's also really quiet and biding her time with all this. meanwhile she's accompanied by monostatos, sarastro's apprentice. monostatos is a strategist and a shapeshifter. he thinks that if he can get the chance, he can be made sarastro's heir and fix the whole issue between sarastro and the starblazer. he sees sarastro as his adoptive father and sarastro doesn't give a shit abt him lol its funny but also kind of sad. so basically this is rejection sensitive dysphoria: the novel

also there's the speaker, sarastro's second in command who is just Really Fucking Tired Of Everybody; and the forsaken molly, who just runs around annoying sarastro and the speaker bc she doesn't like them LOL

IF YOU WERE ABLE TO CATCH ANY OF THAT SHIT AND UNDERSTAND IT. You Get Special Victorian Cross Honors, because i am insane <3

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on Book 3, Chapter 14

• Apologies for the delay, guys. Still recovering.

• It's time for our Ball! YAY.

• ...and for Hana's parents. Not so yay.

• Every LI in the group has at least one not-very-ideal parent. For Liam and Maxwell it's their dads (though Bartalemy seems to be the best of the four) and for Drake and Hana it's their mums.

• Title: Welcome, One and All!

• Alternate Titles should include This Chapter Is Brought To You By Jeffery.

• For those who don't remember the TRR pre-release interviews, Jeffery is the dude who loves hats:

I'm pretty sure this chapter is his baby.

• So technically Xinghai and Lorelai have not kept in touch with Hana since her fight with Xinghai in Shanghai (that rhymes). There is a hint that she might have tried to reach out to them before the tour if you were getting engaged to her (she asks Ana de Luca to send the copies of her shoot to an address, which I presume was her home in Shanghai).

•

You bet I slammed that last option.

• There's also not a lot of difference in this scene between the Hana playthrough and the non-Hana one, and there should have been. The dynamics of this discussion will - should - be different if you're Hana's fiancée. They have Lorelai and Hana's dialogues change if you're marrying her at the end, but technically that's unavoidable. There should have been an obvious difference in dialogue here as well.

• Bertrand has returned. Again.

• AND HE'S LATE. Apparently because his son needs to be coached on proper cutlery placement through the babysitter.

• We have a brief tete-a-tete about Savannah and Bartie before moving on to our OOTD:

Tbh I think I'm okay with both. I had my reservations about the neck but I also like capes so I will take it. The traditional dove one makes you look like Red Riding Hood.

If you choose the phoenix gown, you also get to don a humongous hat, and you get the option to take it off anytime.

Esther loves hats. She's a happy happy camper xD She may not have said those 'fancy hat's comments to Regina in Book 1 but you bet she was thinking them! So Esther - and I as Esther's creator - feel validated and vindicated and all other sorts of v words 😄

• Also yes, Esther, I'm pretty sure that hat ate every other hat in Cordonia before making its way to your head.

• It's now time for our Ball, and our LIs are waiting for us to make our entrance. Liam calls you 'a heroine of myth and song', Maxwell tells you you're 'on fire', Drake asks him if you're trying to give him a heart attack, and Hana settles for a very simple 'you look gorgeous'.

• Okay yadda yadda announcements, yadda yadda speech, yadda yadda complimentes from guests esp if you chose the phoenix decor, yadda accolades all around.

• Basically the main conversations taking place at the Ball are with Madeleine, Kiara, Regina, Mara and Olivia.

- Madeleine: Mainly to close the main loop of Madeleine's role as press secretary. The previous conversation with Liam/Drake at the Lythikos Ball is implied when you choose to call her a snake, even though she sees that as a compliment.

- Kiara: You get to either call her brave, or to ask her about her well-being. Thankfully, she is able to at least sleep at night now. They're definitely wrapping up Kiara's story here. Which is okay, I'm pretty certain it wasn't meant to be manifested in the first place and I suppose I'm expected to be grateful she got some attention. But I won't be, because she deserved this - and perhaps better. I couldn't care less for her brother and would rather not see him again but at least they had the decency to wrap up her storyline first this time rather than ignore it in favour of him completely.

- One of my favourite sequences is the one with Regina. She's clearly affected by Constantine's death and still hasn't recovered enough to get used to the idea of attending a Ball without his presence yet. But you also see her struggling with the stoicism she's been brought up on, and chastising herself because she can't. You have the choice of either asking her what Constantine would have told her if he were alive (like hell I'll choose that option!) or telling her she should allow herself to grieve. I thought her parting words in this conversation were beautiful.

- Mara: From Mara we learn that the Nevrakis family had connections with the Sons of Earth, and that in fact Anton is the son of the leader of that group. I've seen some interesting theories around this, one of which is (I believe this one is @alicars theory) that he is Francesco's son. Which...would make that first meeting in Italy quite interesting, as well as the reveal that Francesco was friends with Liam's mother. Will Liam's mother's background be brought up in future chapters??

- Olivia: So this is what all our efforts to win Olivia over culminates into! I have such Diavolos vibes with this scene (not the betrayal bit, but the winning their trust bit. Olivia I think sticks by Liam's side whether she likes you or not), because if you look at the TCaTF ally chart in Book 3, Diavolos' name is the last on the list of people to join you, even though he has spent time with you as an ally and been part of the rescue mission to save Mind Control!Dom. In a lot of ways, while Olivia has a huge connection to Liam and becomes your ally on that score, it requires effort and some ice-breaking to get her to fully support you.

• Say hello to my new pets y'all!

As of now Esther has a horse named Celestia, a corgi names Joy, a visiting hawk named Tiberius, a black panther named Cava and two red pandas she has named Hansel and Gretel.

• I wonder if you have the ensuing group scene if you don't choose to accept the red pandas (I'd see for myself but the red pandas have really adorable sad faces).

• The group scene is alright, it's a lot like the one in Shanghai with the pandas. Liam is adorable and holds them like a pro, Maxwell is super super SUPER excited, Hana is shocked by their lack of manners (Hana they're animals!) in comparison to pandas and Drake is a mean meanie. You have Zeke on the side giving us factual animal info.

• We're now back at the estate, and Hana's folks have arrived.

• TO TAKE HANA BACK???

• Hana puts up a good fight against her mum (let's be honest, Xinghai hardly seems to have a say in this. He looks sad about this and barely gets in a sentence. This show is all Lorelai's), and refuses to come with them, at which point Lorelai insists on taking her belongings away since they belong to the Lee family, and she isn't a Lee anymore.

• You know what I want Hana to say?

"FINE KEEP THE CRUMMY LUGGAGE MOM LETS SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE ANOTHER WHOLEASS CHILD OUT OF THAT"

• Please tell me she gets to kick Lorelai's ass this chapter. Please.

• So the Ball and festival will continue this chapter, and I'm guessing that any drama might happen later on in the Capitol if we go by the trajectory of the previous books. The places most closely connected to the MC - Ramsford, New York, Valtoria - are usually where you forget briefly the tension in the books, before being plunged into complete and total chaos.

• I still think there's a LOT we have left to find out. A LOT.

• There is a possibility that Hana will get a diamond scene post her confrontation with her parents. And as far as I can see it, this is the culmination of her entire journey, her entire struggle. This is the last shot the writers have at doing justice to her character, and giving her a good scene. If Hana doesn't get an extremely fulfilling, nuanced scene - one that has a marked difference between her as a fiancee and her as a friend - then I doubt she will get another one. They will have lost their chance to be fair to this character.

• And if they fail to do justice to this character...I'm afraid that will be the end for me. I may be chapter reviews and essays, I may still write stuff inspired by this book...but whatever love I still have for TRR will be lost for good.

• Because you know what you're telling me, a brown woman with an upbringing not entirely unlike Hana's? Who loves this character and has to now try to relate to her because her own writers didn't give me enough material? You're telling me that you don't think stories like Hana's - stories like mine - are worth attention, worth nuance, worth telling properly, worth telling with heart. You're telling me women like Hana are alright as tokens, but not important enough as characters. You're telling me you want the accolades that go with using women of colour in your stories, but don't want to put in the work. In fact...you're already telling me that. You've been telling me that for the last two books.

• I'm sincerely hoping this will change with the chapter I will play now, and that I and other Hana stans don't walk away from this chapter disappointed. I really, really do. It won't completely make up for the lack of care they have given this character...but it will be SOMETHING.

• With that, I'm going to go into this week's chapter, folks. Seeya!

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (10/11)

Not Anal

I don’t know if it was good or bad, but I know I changed something.

I was in the hospital, thanking the gods that Ukyo and Ryoga are mostly okay and have rooms close to each other. I’m in the hallway between their rooms, actually, trying to calm down for  half a sec, but instead I started getting angry.

All I knew about Ranma Saotome was that he was some asshole who went around hurting people. He basically admitted it in the middle of that fight. I thought he was nothing but a walking dick. A bad omen, a harbinger of his own chaos.

That’s eloquent. What I was thinking right then was, Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuck youfuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou.

I couldn’t go punch him, and unlike Mousse he’d probably punch me back, so I typed his name into facebook. All I managed to type was Saotonmee, because my hands were shaking. I was shaking. I was thinking of all those cyberbullying documentaries they made us watch in middle school, and all the stuff about baiting people into suicide. Sick, I know, but who can be healthy in a hospital at midnight?

Ranma’s profile didn’t come up right away. Instead I got his mom’s profile. At least, I think it was his mom’s. She looked kind of like him, and her last name was the same, but she lives near me. I think she taught at the dojo where I used to take lessons. She had some photos of where she worked and I had one of those sense memories where the lighting turns brighter, sunlight mingling with fluorescents, and the smell of sweat and plastic mats washes over you.

I sent her a message. Something about having been one of her students and that she should know what her son was up to.

She immediately messaged me back and seemed really confused, so I linked her Ranma’s facebook and filled her in on some details. She said thank you, but now I’m scared to send anything else to her. I still hate Ranma, but now I’m a little worried about him. What kind of mother says she doesn’t have a son? Did I really fuck something up?

Ranma Satome you have a friend request from Nodoka Saotome. Accept?

               Yes                            No                       Panic

From: DeanKun@nsj.edu

To: All Students

Several students have been caught red handed organizing and participating in unofficial fighting matches. Students other than those directly involved in the fight were harmed as a result of it, and we can not allow more innocent members of our student body to be hurt. Students who engage in this sort of reckless and detrimental behavior should not be welcome on our campus.

Those we have caught are currently suspended, and after further investigation will likely be expelled. If you have any information about them and the duels they participated in, please feel free to make a statement to myself or my secretary, or to send me an e-mail. I would like to make a strong case before the rest of the board.

—-Dean Kuno

Kodachi’s Journal

The legendary thick Kuno skull

I should have stayed in my room

I should have ignored my phone

I should have understood

When Amir saw the texts

And asked if She had anything better to do

She meant me.

The woman who fought a duel for Akane Tendo

Meant me

But how I could I hide it from my father?

How could I tell him if he wants all the duelists gone

His tuition coffers will be empty

Come next fall?

Ranma’s Diary

I might be expelled and that’s the least of my problems. Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. I don’t know if keeping a diary is making me any better adjusted. It’s probably better than banging my head against the wall until something dents, but maybe I’d rather black out than re-live all this shit.

I should be packing right now, since I’m allowed to stay on campus only until dad can come pick me up on Wednesday, (“Until a legal guardian can escort you off campus”) but all I do is open a drawer, stare at my clothes and think about the friend request my mom sent me.

I haven’t accepted it. I just take out my phone and stare at the notification. If I open my eyes really wide and don’t blink I almost feel like I can see through the pixels and figure out what she was thinking when she sent it. Did she know that I had changed my name all this time? That we lived in the same state? Could she have found me any time she wanted? And if she could, what the fuck was she waiting for?

I would ask someone for advice, but no one will talk to me. Either I punched their face in, sent them to the hospital, or they don’t want to be associated with the guy who might be expelled for dueling. I get it. I don’t know if they would expel you for watching-well, they might, but they wouldn’t if they found out how many kids knew about this stuff. The school would empty out. Not that I can prove that.

You know what? They’re totally going to expel me. And I don’t give a shit. I didn’t want to come here in the first place.

Might as well beat them to it.

Nabiki’s phone——->Akane’s phone

Have you seen Ranma

today?

I went to check up on

him, but he wasn’t in

his room.

                                                  Can we not talk about

                                                  him?

I was hoping you

would text him. He

isn’t responding to

me.

                                                 Why would he

                                                 answer me?

You two are closer.

                                                  WE ARE NOT.

You spend more time

together.

                                                 Because we have  

                                                 classes together  

                                                 and stuff.

                                                 I’m not texting him.

What happened

between you two?

You were really good

together for a second

there.

                                               He’s a dick, Nabiki.

And he’s totally alone.

No one has talked to

him since the hospital

thing. I mean, I get it.

Ukyo looks like a cat

mauled him, Ryoga’s

on crutches, and

Kodachi almost got

frostbite (although I

don’t think that

was Ranma’s fault)

But he’s alone and

he’s hurting like every

one else. I want to

know he’s okay.

                                             …Since when did you

                                             grow a heart?

I’ve been reading too

many romance novels.

Also, I’m procrastinating.

Please text him.

                                              Fine.

Facebook Messenger:

Akane: Nabiki is worried about you. Where are you?

Ranma: Oakridge

Akane: HOW DID YOU GET TO OAKRIDGE? Are you running away from home?

Ranma: Maybe I’m running to home?

Ranma: I’ve been across the street from this dojo for the last hour. They’re going to close soon.

Akane: You went all the way to Oakridge to stare at a dojo? How’d you get there?

Ranma: There’s a taxi company around here. I walked until I was in their range and got a cab.

Akane: Why???

Ranma: I have a mom.

Ranma: She works here.

Akane: YOUR MOM WAS AN HOUR FROM YOU THS WHOLE TIME?

Ranma: Dad and I used to live in Canada, actually. We came back to the states when I was eight. We went from relative to relative for a while. I guess this is why we stopped here. I thought it was because we hit a coast, but this is why dad knows people around here. I think this is my parents’ hometown.

Akane: Why haven’t you talked to her?

Ranma: She doesn’t know me.

Akane: What?

Ranma: She hasn’t seen me since my name was Ayame.

Akane:…oh.

Ranma: What if she doesn’t believe me? What if she hates me? It’s getting dark, how the fuck will I get back to campus?

Akane: YOU DIDN’T THINK THIS THROUGH? HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT THIS?!

Ranma: Since winter break.

Akane: You’re hopeless.

Akane: Listen, when you get back to campus I go back to hating you, but right now I’m going to tell you something.

Akane: And you forget this on your way back here, you understand? This stays in Oakridge.

Ranma: Of course.

Ranma: Hurry it up, my hands are turning purple.

Akane: I never had to come out to my mom, and I used to spend a lot of time wondering how she would have reacted. But nowadays I wonder what she would think of the woman I’ve become.

Akane: If your mom thinks you’re gross or weird or lying-and that could happen-she’s going to be missing out on the most kick-ass guy between here and wherever The Rock summers. Better, because you are the guy I know, who, hands down, has kicked the most ass wearing a binder. If she still wants you to be her daughter, she’s losing the best son she’d ever have.

Akane: And if you screenshot that and show it to anyone else I will deny it happened and break your face. Got it?

Ranma: Got it.

Ranma: I’m going in.

Akane: Good luck.  

Akane’s Phone——>Nabiki’s Phone

Ranma’s in Oakridge.

Don’t ask. If he needs

a ride home he might

call, though.

                                         And calling us  

                                         would help how????

From: Tkuno

To: Nabiki Tendo

Nabiki Tendo, If I did not have the finely tuned instincts of a kendo master I may not have realized that you are avoiding me. But I have. And I would like to know why.

From: NabikiTedno

To: TKuno

Look, Kuno, babe,

It’s been fun. By which I mean it’s been weird. But maybe you should take your horny fandom rants to tumblr and leave me alone, okay?

See ya.

From TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

I was hoping to bring this up face to face, but as you refuse to see me I am forced to broach the subject digitally:

Does this have anything to do with us kissing?

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

What? That?

Honey, you were very vulnerable. You would have kissed an anthro cactus. If that intensely chivalrous side of you has decided that you have to marry me now—Don’t worry about it. It didn’t mean anything to me. I don’t have any honor left for you to defend.

Facebook Messenger:

Ryoga: I’m booooooooored….

Ukyo: I’m in class. Don’t you have homework to be doing?

Ryoga: I got so bored I did it all. Now I’m really bored.

Ukyo: Do you think they’ll really expel you?

Ryoga: I don’t know. I think the Dean just wants to crucify someone over this, and Ranma couldn’t have been dueling himself.

Ryoga: I’m glad you and Shampoo aren’t in trouble. And that you kicked Ranma in the face.

Ukyo: Ugh, don’t remind me.

Ryoga: You regret it?

Ukyo: No, but smiling makes my face hurt.

Ryoga: Wait, why does smiling hurt, but kissing didn’t?

Ukyo: Different muscles?  I mean, I was also smiling then. That wasn’t weird was it? I was just so glad you were alright, and, you know, it makes everything even.

Ryoga: No, it was fine. It was good. Completely appropriate amount of tongue.

Ukyo: Cause I don’t want anything to be weird. I mean, we’re all such good friends.

Ryoga: Good friends who kiss sometimes.

Ukyo: Well, there was that thing with you and Shampoo and then we had to put it all back to rights. It’s fine now.

Ryoga: It is fine, but, you know, being good friends who kiss sometimes, that’s pretty good isn’t it?

Ukyo: Sure, but it isn’t sustainable.

Ryoga: That was your thesis, right?

Ukyo: What?

Ryoga: Shampoo said you wrote a whole essay about Ranma breaking your heart. Which, from what I’ve seen, is a pretty healthy way to deal with a bad break-up.

Ryoga: But she said your conclusion was that love doesn’t exist.

Ukyo: Romantic love. Yeah. I wrote about how it’s total bullshit.

Ryoga: Because Ranma didn’t love you?

Ukyo: That’s oversimplifying it. Ranma and I, we had this great relationship, and then his dad said that he had to marry someone else and he turned around and told me it was over.

Ukyo: Turned out all that love, and the plans and everything was just some fun he was having until his dad told him to pack it in.

Ryoga: But weren’t you in love with him?

Ukyo:…What is with you and Shampoo lately? All you guys want to talk about is romance. Are we twelve? Shakespearian poets?

Ukyo: If you two want to get together, you don’t need my permission. I’m not like one of those militant vegans. If you want to try your hand at dating, go ahead. I think the two of you have a better chance than most, if that’s what you want to hear.

Ukyo: I really have to take notes right now. Unlike you, I’m probably going to have to take finals.

[Ukyo is not active]

Ranma’s Diary

We had tea in her office. It was so tiny it was like being in a doll house, with a tiny tea kettle and a miniature tea set.

I couldn’t just walk up to her and tell her I was her son. Or that she had sent me a friend request on facebook. I walked in while she and some other teachers where packing up mats, and asked if I could talk to her. I told her it was about Genma Saotome.

She started at me, with this furrow between her eyebrows and said we should go to her office. She looked at me like that the whole time she made tea. While she chattered about the weather and what tea I wanted, there was this little furrow. She didn’t have raspberry, so I told her to choose and she made mint which makes my nose burn, but whatever.

Then she opened her tiny office window and got a carton of cream off a generator or something. She shook it and it sloshed around like it was half frozen.

“What do you do in the summer?” I asked her

“I drink water.” She said. Then there was the tea steeping and the cream and sugar and finally she sat down across from me and said, “So. Genma Saotome.”

“He’s my dad.” I said. I unzipped one of my pockets and gave her my birth certificate. It looked so stupid with all those creases in it, like it was one of those thick notes kids pass in middle school and not an official federal document. “That’s my birth certificate.” I added, like it didn’t say that at the top.

She sipped her tea and spent way more time reading the certificate than you would need to read that little. I mean, it also has blood tests and family history and stuff, but still. She didn’t need that shit. She put it down and said, over the rim of her cup, “Do you know a Xian Pu?”

“What?”

“Me either. She sent me a message on facebook, completely out of the blue, saying that you had brutalized some friends of hers.” She put her tea cup down. “If that’s true you are definitely Genma Saotome’s son.”

I wanted to die. Like, I wanted that little generator to explode and break the window, sending a shard of glass into my jugular, killing me instantly.

“I…” I beat the shit out of two people, and fucked with like five more because I was having a bad day, and Akane won’t talk to me, so my dad has managed to ruin two relationships for me and never taught me to do anything but fight, but it can’t all be his fault, right?

“This guy challenged me to a fight.”

“And you accepted. Even though I’ve been told you could be expelled for it.”

It was so hot in that little office, with the tea kettle and the hot tea and the heat of the generator all shoved in around me. I could feel the blood throbbing in my cheeks. “If I’d forfeited he would have…” My voice got so small I could barely hear it. “he would have gone with a girl I like.”

Dad would have slapped me on the back and told me he was proud I wasn’t letting some guy run around with my girl. Nodoka’s lips went thin, and her eyes were hard.

Then her face broke open and she slumped over her desk, suddenly exhausted. “I’m sorry. This is just so much. I woke up in the middle of the night to someone telling me they had found my child and they were really pissed off at him. And now you’re here!” She toyed with her tea cup. “I’m not sure how to react to any of this.”

“If it helps, I was standing outside for like three hours trying to get up enough courage to come in.”

Nodoka almost laughed. “Does your father know you’re here?” She asked.

“No, I found you on my own. He’s never talked about you before.”

After I said that Nodoka decided to tell me the whole story about how her father and dad’s father told them to get married, and they did, and she tried to make it work, she really did, but dad didn’t care. He wasn’t even that much of a dick, but he was still doing all the shit he’d been doing before they got married, except sometimes he ate dinner with her, and I guess they had sex one time. Nodoka didn’t think he’d be very interested in me, and for the first few years he wasn’t, but as soon as I wasn’t a helpless baby he said mom was coddling me, and basically kidnapped me to Canada.

“I tried to find you, to contact him, anything, but he was going around like he was a fugitive, even though the police didn’t really care.” She almost laughed, but cut herself off. She put her hand over mine. Hers was hot and damp, but so was mine. At least by then I could feel my face again. “I’m sorry I stopped searching. I am so sorry I let Genma do this to you.”

“What do you mean this?” I said like I didn’t know.

She looked at me, her eyes filled with concern. “You beat up four people over some girl. I would not have raised you like that.”

I stared at our hands but I didn’t take mine back. “It was only two people. And it wasn’t all about her.”

“You think getting into fights is an acceptable way to deal with things.”

“You teach judo, don’t you?”

“Judo,” She said, “Is about redirecting your enemy’s attacks. It’s basic self defense. It’s-“ I thought she was going to recite whatever the calligraphy hanging on the wall behind her said, but instead she stopped. She sat up straight and took a breath. I’ve never seen someone actually do that before. Sometimes dad takes deep breathes when he’s pissed, but that just means he’s so pissed that he has to take a minute to contemplate how mad he is.

“I don’t think Genma has been a good influence on you.”

“He taught me to fight.” I said. I was going to do a passionate movie speech, a real oscar winner, but that was where my scriptwriter got drunk and fell off his desk. Cause that was it. My dad taught me to fight. It’s all I’ve got. “And he was supportive when I came out.”

Nodoka fidgeted in her seat for a second. “I’ll admit I don’t understand that at all-at first I thought Genma changed your name on purpose-but Watanuki told me it doesn’t have anything to do with your father.”

You know, I never really pictured meeting my mom. Not what she would look like or where we would be, or even what we would say. All I wanted was for us to hug and for all this love to wash over me. Huge tidal wave of love. That was all. Creamy white light and pure understanding.

That was when I looked at my mom and I felt the real life version of that. I’m not a great kid, probably some parents’ worst nightmare, but here was my mom, no idea what to do or how to talk to me, or what I even wanted from her, but trying so goddammned hard. Maybe she wanted that too, all that love and understanding. The last time she saw me I was probably calling her mama, and I didn’t have any problems she couldn’t fix. Now I’m an adult, and I don’t know her, and I’m so fucked up it’s not even funny.

“I’m sorry.” I said, “I know I wasn’t what you were expecting.”

Nodoka took my hand again, both of them. “Ranma, I’ve had over a decade to expect things. You are certainly not the worst possibility I came up with.” Then she stood up and took the walk around her desk so she was close enough to hug me.

And she did.

I started crying. I think I’ve cried more this year than in my whole life. She held me so tight I could barely breathe between crying and being pressed into her gi, and it felt ridiculously good. I walked three hours in the snow for that hug and it was worth it.

“I’m sorry,” She said, and she kept saying it and stroking my hair, and it’s so basic but it made me feel like I could go out there and fix all my problems. It felt like they were being fixed as she did it.

Something like two hours later I had calmed down, and she had called a cab, and now she’s sitting on my bed, talking to her brother-my uncle-about how she has to be down here because she has to talk to the school board. Her phone is up super loud, and she isn’t explaining things very well, so I keep hearing my uncle yell, “What?!” and “Genma Fucking Saotome?!”

It’s pretty nice background noise while I wait for Ryoga to get back from where ever the fuck he is. I kind of like that the first thing I say to him in days is going to be, “This is my mom. Don’t worry, it won’t be awkward. I just met her today too.”

Facebook Messenger

Akane: Kasumi, give me some big sister advice.

Kasumi: Yes?

Akane: What should I do about Ranma?

Kasumi: Tell him to take a hike.

Akane: But I like him.

Kasumi: So tell him.

Akane: This is not the delicately put, well thought out advice I’m looking for here.

Kasumi: Akane, you have more relationship experience than me. You know why my kid doesn’t have a father? Because I have no interest in trying to meet a man and holding hands and having sex and talking about our relationship.

Kasumi: Look, if you and Ranma didn’t have this looming specter of an engagement, and children, and stuff, how would you feel about him?

Akane: I wouldn’t have met him.

Kasumi: PRETEND. Pretend Genma was just a family friend dad was bringing around and Ranma came with him, and the two of you got to talking, and you realized you liked him.

Akane: But that isn’t what happened.

Akane: That’s the problem. Sure I like Ranma, but do I only know him enough to like him because of all this shit? I want to leave all this drama behind, but I don’t know if that means leaving him behind or not.

Kasumi: There is always drama. See what I wrote about not wanting all that relationship stuff? It’s a lot of drama. But so was not having a relationship and having a baby anyway.

Kasumi: If you had met Ranma because Genma was some nice family friend, wouldn’t he still be going out with that other girl? So that would have been a whole thing. Or what if we had met him because he ran away from his dad and begged us to take care of him? Or what if you had met him at college with people throwing themselves at both of you? You can’t have Ranma without the drama, but you can’t have anything without it. The question is if he’s worth it.

Akane: I always used to think about what a good mother you would make, and now you’re finally having a kid, and all I can think is, ‘You should have another’.

Kasumi: Thank you?

Akane’s Diary

Wasn’t expecting a woman to be in Ranma’s room when I came bursting in. Definitely wasn’t expecting HIS MOTHER.

She’s super sweet, and terribly confused. She’s been getting the last twelve years of Ranma’s life in the last two days. At this point she’s just trying to retain stuff. Ranma’s dad will be here tomorrow, so mostly she’s preparing for that, and the showdown she’s going to have to have with the dean.

Ranma’s room looks like a lawyers office just before the big courtroom scene in a movie: Blaring laptop, paper everywhere, even the roommate getting into it(not that Ryoga will talk directly to Ranma, but I think he likes having an adult on his side, since his mother couldn’t make it down the coast soon enough to deal with everything).

We talked about evidence and in-school suspension and the hospital records, and a lot of other stuff, and the whole time I’m sitting on Ranma’s floor thinking, ‘Okay, yeah, but I wanted to talk to you about feelings and stuff’.

I think three hours passed like that. I’m not saying it was boring, it just wasn’t what I had come to do. Still, I had homework, and I wasn’t a big help since I’m not going to pretend Ranma and I were in my room doing homework at the alleged time of the incident (not that anyone would believe that) so I said I had to get back to my room.

“Let me walk you.” Ranma said. Which sounds pretty innocent, but that’s exactly why people use it to get alone time.

We weren’t even out of Ranma’s hallway when he said, “So, why are you talking to me again?”

I got nervous. “I wanted to apologize.” I said, because it was easier than the shoujo-style confessions I’d been cooking up sitting on Ranma’s floor.

“For what?”

We walked outside and the cold hit us. We were silent for a minute, adjusting.

“This whole thing was my fault.” I said. “I told Ryoga to fight you the other night.”

Ranma started walking closer to me, so that our shoulders bumped against each other. “Cause you were still mad at me, right?”

“I wasn’t—I mean, I was mad at you, but I was mad because you did something totally normal, but the situation was all fucked up…” I trailed off. Great time to get incoherent, I know.

For a few minutes the loudest sound was the two of us crunching through what’s left of the snow.

“I might go live with my mom after this semester.” Ranma said.

“Does your dad know?” I asked.

Ranma stopped walking. We were in the copse of trees in the middle of the triangle created by my dorm, Ranma’s dorm, and the dining hall,

“We don’t have to tell him. I’m an adult, and Nodoka’s still married to him, so even if I wasn’t there isn’t much he could do about it.”

“That’s great.” I said. Ranma looked surprised at my total lack of sarcasm. “Ranma, your dad is an asshole. Maybe he isn’t awful to you, but I’ve known Nodoka a couple of hours and already I’d rather have you live with her.”

Ranma didn’t say anything for a minute, which I understood. You can’t drag someone’s father and expect them to be like, ‘Yeah, he’s a dick’.

“You want to know why I’m scared of cats?” He said.

“Sure. I could use something to listen to while my face freezes off.”

Ranma took the hint and we started walking again, but what he said made me stop short.

“My dad threw them at me, when I was learning how to dodge. He had three. I think he got them off the street. He hurled them at me. It really pissed them off, and then he’d pick up the pissed off cats and do it again.”

My mouth hung open for a minute, and all I could think to say was, “Didn’t he get scratched?”

“He wore gloves. Like, elbow gloves. This was back when we were in Canada. I think he stole them out of the shed in the garden. That was a nice house, I think. It was a duplex, and—”

I grabbed Ranma by the front of his coat and said, “Ranma Saotome, you are going to Oakridge with your mother.”

“But I don’t want to,” He said, “If you’re still my fucked up fiancee. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to be my girlfriend because you want to be.” He grabbed the front of my coat so our arms were tangled together. “I finally figured out that I’ve been going about this all wrong. I keep saying I tell the truth, and I do, but I’ve been telling the wrong ones. I’m sorry I outed you, and I’m sorry I’ve been making all these things about you that aren’t, but the truth is I really like you and I would try to be the best boyfriend I could if you’d give me the chance.”

I let go of his coat and slid my hands up his neck to cup his cheeks. “I should tell you the truth too: I really want to kiss you.”

So we kissed. I don’t know how two pairs of numb lips can create enough heat between them to make you flush, but there it is. It was…um…I feel all stupid and breathless writing about it, but I’ve only done it once before, so maybe it wasn’t that good? Ranma was as red as the ends of his hair, but maybe that was just the cold? We got back to my room and then he kissed me at the door, and for a few minutes we held each other, breathing deep, until I gave him a peck and wished him good luck tomorrow with his dad and the dean and everything.

Then he kissed me one more time, fierce and hot and it’s a good thing my door was right behind me, or once he was gone I would have slid down the wall and giggled like an idiot right there in the hall.

From: Nabiki Tendo

To: TKuno

Look, Kuno, since you cant’t seem to get it through your thick skull: I’M BAD NEWS. I’m gonna take you for a ride, make you see double, all that shit. And I’m going to tell your father that you broke his precious rules, so fuck off now before we have to do one of those stupid confrontation scenes where you scream, “You betrayed me!” Okay?

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

I admit I used to harbor the thoughts you have often accused me of: General suspicion of your family, as well as your character. I convinced myself that you could not have any of the characteristics that I desired in a partner, or in a person in general.

Then you revealed yourself to have all of them. You are smart, and witty (and obstinate enough that I was forced to acknowledge that). You are stunningly beautiful (an observation which needs no explanation) and you are kind when the situation warrants, tough when it doesn’t (you keep me on my toes, like the best sparring partner). You care for those you love as best you can, and you are unerringly loyal to them (which is why you will not reveal my fighting to my father, for in doing so you would be forced to expose Ranma as well, and you would not rend your younger sister’s heart in your effort to mend it again).

With love,

Tatewaki Kuno.

From: Student 819

To: DeanKuno@nsj.edu

In relation to the duels, I think you should check out this website: itstimetodddie.tumblr.com. It seems someone has compiled photographs of the duels and the wounds earned therein, as well as some basic descriptions of the fights.

—-A Student Who, Like Your Son, Has Done A Bad Thing

P.S. If you continue to pursue expulsion of students other than than your son, I will release this url to every person on campus.

Kodachi’s Journal

Betrayal.

It is a word I never thought to be turned on me

And yet.

That is all our lots in life.

For every ‘never’

There as just as many, ‘I never thought I would’

And suddenly you have.

I saw Ranma Saotome

For the first time in so many moons of loss and ecstasys

My heart did not fall into it’s familiar pattern

‘Ran-ma Ran-ma Ran-ma’

I found that I had betrayed him

My heart jumps to the beat of another’s call.

I told him. I could do little more for him and little less.

He leapt from his seat

Hugged me

Shook my hand

Laughed

And introduced me to his mother

So I suppose we shall remain friends.

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

To: ukunji@nsj.edu, Xianpu18@nsj.edu

Copy-pasting my favorite parts from the deans latest mass e-mail, for posterity.

>It has come to our attention that these events were widely attended, which perhaps means that the school has failed to provide adequate socialization opportunities, something which we will attempt to rectify next year

>seeing as all parties involved were consenting adults we are unable to bring charges of assault foreword. We can’t be expelling students for inflicting hickies on each other, can we?

>We were very lucky that only one of these incidents required trips to the emergency room. While we still cannot promote these actions, it should reassure many that for most of these duelists this was merely an innocent way of blowing off steam

>Though we will continue to persecute further instances of dueling, for this year we are adopting a three strike policy, which we may implement in years to come. Please be aware of this decision when scheduling further matches.

WTF even is this?

Kodachi’s Journal

Spring is bearing down on us,

Ushering in green life

And fresh panic.

Long fingers of sunlight creep over my bed

And onto shoulders much too early in the morning.

New life on these ancient grounds

It is perhaps too perfect for us

For though Amir will leave her legacy

My life here is still fresh

I could not ask the woman who will soon be gone

Lost to adult life

To let me cling to her

I say this with rationality yet

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME MY BROTHER KNOCKED HIS HEAD AGAIN???!!

Kodachi’s Phone——->Nabiki Tendo’s Phone

Dude, my idiot brother

is trying to kill him

self or something.

Could you make

sure he doesn’t have

brain damage for me?

                                        Is he at campus health

                                        again?

Yea

                                     …You want me to go so

                                     you don’t have to, don’t

                                     you?

Yea. Plus, you two are

dating or whatever.

                                       What?

There was a window on that

hospital room door. I saw

you kissing over my dad’s

shoulder.

                                           Lies. Lies and Slander. You

                                           were disoriented.

Whatever. Kuno’ll be fine

on his own.

                                         I believe so. I’m sure he

                                         knows the drill.

Unless he’s finally given

himself a concussion…

MY DIARY

Well. It is certainly a good thing that I keep a diary. Mrs. Saotome wants to use it in court. After my last encounter with the man she is married to, I would gladly print up several hundred copies and scatter them around town for her.

Alright. I must prove that my brain is still in working order, so I shall recall for you all the events leading up to my legal discussions with Mrs. Saotome.

Ever since Ranma’s last duel my sister has been withdrawn. Of course, father was upset with her, and, once she was safely home and we knew all was well, they blew up at each other over gymnastics and boys and aiding and abetting illegal fights. I attempted to argue her side, but seeing as I had to feign ignorance myself (and my dearest sister was kind enough not to rat on me) I did little to help.

Then, a few days ago she perked up considerably. So considerably that I became rather suspicious. I asked her if Ranma Saotome had anything to do with her improved mental state and she became shy. So shy that I marched down to Ranma’s room to have a word with him.

Relax, my confidant, I had no intention of challenging the man! I have learned my lesson several times over. Rather, at that point, I had decided to ask him about his intentions with my sister, and, if they proved pure, I would school him on her history, likes, dislikes, and how to interpret some of her more obscure moods.

When I reached Ranma’s room I found him engaged in conversation with his mother, a handsome woman in her early forties who gave me a proper handshake when I introduced myself instead of making a face like a recently boiled frog as her son did.

“I came here,” I began, “ To discuss my sister.”

Ranma rolled his eye and slumped nearly out of his bed. “Oh my god, WHAT. Was I not sad enough when she said she was done with me?”

His words rendered me ineloquent. “She what?”

Ranma sat up again with renewed vigor. “She dumped me the other day. Gave me the boot. Said she’s been exploring her sexuality.” In an aside to his mother he said, “Which means she’s been exploring Amir Kahn.”

Mrs. Saotome snorted in a way most unbecoming of a lady her age.

As I attempted to process this information a man appeared in the doorway behind me. It was the brute who I had once had the misfortune of learning was Ranma’s father.

When I saw him his face went pale—No, ashen. He looked ill. Ranma had a similar expression. Mrs. Saotome kept a cool head but there was a glint in her eyes. I have seen that look before, in Nabiki Tendo’s face. On her it means that she knows she has won, but she still has to finish playing the game.

“Genma.” Mrs Saotome said.

Mr. Saotome sputtered like fish drowning in air. “How on earth did you get here?”

“I drove.” Mrs. Saotome said.

“I brought her.” Ranma said. His feet had shifted into a defensive stance, and his tone matched.

Mr. Saotome’s attention snapped to me. “Who the hell are you?”

“Tatewaki Kuno.” I said, keeping my back ramrod straight. I will not be cowed by a lout whose only weapons are his fists.

“Fuck off, kid.”

“I shall remain here.” I said. That was when I took out my phone. “Considering our last encounter, I shall wait for the proper moment to call the dean and campus security.”

Mr. Saotome snorted. “Really, Nodoka? You’ve got some kid playing bodyguard?”

“Nah,” Ranma said, “He’s just like that. Ignore him.”

“I don’t want to air dirty laundry in public.” Mr. Saotome replied.

“This isn’t ‘dirty laundry’, Genma.” Mrs. Saotome said, “This is kidnapping and neglect and several other crimes I’m sure.”

It’s a small room. It wasn’t hard for Mr. Saotome to plant himself right in front of Mrs. Saotome and lean into her menacingly. “Are you kidding me?” He hissed, “I didn’t kidnap my own kid, and I sure as hell didn’t abuse him. You’re just trying to coddle him, just like you did when he was little.”

“I want to take care of him. I want to make sure he has what is best for him, even if that means he doesn’t go to the Olympics.”

“Bullshit,” Mr. Saotome said, “You just want him to be like you. Some mincing little girl who can barely throw a man.”

It was a strange thing to watch. Mr. Saotome full of hot rage, and Mrs. Saotome all cold fury.

“I don’t care what you think.” She said, “I never did. All I want is my son, and if throwing you through a window is what it takes, I’ll do that.”

Mrs. Saotome took one step backward, removing herself from the sheen of heat surrounding Mr. Saotome. “I don’t think it will come to that, though.”

Mr. Saotome groaned. “Jesus, this is just like you. Playing mind games.” He leaned around Mrs. Saotome trying to make eye contact with his son. “Ranma, look, you’re an adult. Tell her she’s out of her mind and she needs to leave.”

“Mind games?” Ranma said, like he couldn’t believe his father would say something like that. “She’s playing mind games right now? By telling you that your an asshole and she’d like to fuck you up?” Which isn’t what she said, but I had the rare feeling that it was not the time for pedantics. “That’s mind games? Not telling you you can’t have dinner until you’ve done enough reps? Not telling you that no one will want you if you can’t break cinderblocks with your bare hands? Nah, that’s just parenting. Telling you she hates you, but she’s going to shove a lawyer up your ass instead of playing by your rules—That’s mind games?”

“Lawyer?” Genma said, his confusion at only that word disturbing me more than any of his previous behavior.

“I’m calling campus security.” I said, raising my phone to dial.

In a movement faster than I could track, Mr. Saotome grabbed my phone from my hand and hurled it out the window.

By which I mean through the closed window.

I don’t know what came over me, but at the sound of shattering glass I leapt at Mr. Saotome, a move which he was not expecting. He moved to block me, but I had not intended to strike him. Instead I crashed into him and we toppled to the floor.

Once stuck at close range, Mr. Saotome is still a formidable opponent, but he has less avenues to be an underhanded one. I believe I got in several good hits before he managed to roll me over and crack my head against the side of Ranma’s bed.

Mrs. Saotome has told me that I continued punching, kicking, and clawing until campus security arrived (Ranma called them, although I believe the broken window tipped them off as well) and pried Mr. Saotome away from me, but after my head hit the side of the bed the next thing I remember is being on a cot at campus health and being told that my sister is going to come watch me until my father has a spare moment from dealing with the Saotomes.

To compare a blow to the head to a concussion is to compare infatuation to love, I thought, as I slid into that heavy darkness between sleeping and waking. The nurse kept checking up on me, and I would jolt to, but once she was done making sure I could still wake up, I would lie back down and slip away again.

At some point I heard the door open and returned to the world, the fluorescents a painful neon yellow against my eyes. Instead of the nurse it was Nabiki Tendo who appeared before me. The sensation of deja vu slid down my spine. Once before Nabiki Tendo had found me on a cot at campus health, although I had been much less disoriented. By the time she arrived I was only in pain.

‘What are you doing here?’ I had said.

‘I thought you might be dying.’ She said, with such an accusatory edge I thought I might have implied that in my texts.

‘I’m not. They said I don’t even have a concussion.’

‘Oh.’ I thought her very strange to oscillate between anger at me for getting hurt, and disappointment that I was not hurt too badly. ‘I suppose you don’t have any bruises then.’

‘You can check,’ I said, suddenly eager to please. I tilted my head towards her and tried to part my hair, not sure exactly what she was looking for.

She whistled. ‘Can I take a picture of that?’

Having no idea what she was talking about, I consented. I heard the click of the shutter sliding shut, and for a second I feared the image would wind up on some sleazy website ‘hot young injured athletes!’ or some such nonsense.

‘Does it hurt?’ She asked, tracing a line at the top of my head, the impression of the blade where it struck me.

I shivered and her hand slipped, stroking through my hair once. I tipped my face to hers, and for a second she wore an expression I had never seen before. Her hand slipped again so it was cradling my cheek, and though I had seen Nabiki Tendo’s fast talking bravado slip before, that was the first time I thought to myself, ‘I would like to see this again’.

That was when my sister appeared and Nabiki Tendo said, ‘Hell of a bruise he’s got.’ and Kodachi said, ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Just making sure he’s okay.’ She shouldered past Kodachi to the door and said, ‘It would be pretty boring without him.’ In such a breezy, nonchalant way I knew it was forced.

So at the present, which is now the past—that is, the second time Nabiki Tendo appeared before me at campus health—she was much more disheveled, and I was in much more pain.

“Is it true you finally cracked your skull?” She said, panting like she had run all the way from her dorm to the third floor of the student union.

“Merely brain damage.” I said.

“Oh, thank god,” She said as she collapsed into giggles and a tiny plastic chair. Once she had recovered she dragged it to the side of my bed and said, “Kuno, I sent your father all the dueling photos.”

Have you ever been struck with a mallet when you already had a concussion, thus resulting in another shakedown on your already weakened brain? I haven’t, but the sensation upon hearing those words was similar.

“You did what?!” I yelled, and then had to grab my head to keep it from splitting in two.

“Nothing bad is going to happen,” She assured me, placing one hand on my shoulder, “Half the school is in those photos. Your father can’t expel them all.”

I let the room swim for a minute. “You may be right.” I conceded. “I’m lucky to have the father I do have.”

“What do you mean?”

“I encountered Ranma Saotome’s father this morning. I was forced to incapacitate him until campus security arrived to remove him.”

I closed my eyes and listened to a ringing silence.

“Nabiki Tendo?” I asked, raising one hand to feel for her and almost smacking her in the face.

She grabbed my hand between both of hers and held it for a moment. “You mean you didn’t get this concussion doing something stupid?”

I rambled on with my eyes closed. “I am not sure if being erudite mattered. I was concerned for the safety of Ranma and his mother because they were threatening legal action against him, and I thought that an assault charge would not do either of them kindly-“

“What were you even doing there?”

“I had gone to uncover if Kodachi and Ranma had rekindled their relationship.”

“Isn’t she banging Amir Kahn?”

At that I opened my eyes again, and I was going to make a comment on that turn of events, when I found that Nabiki Tendo was much closer than I had anticipated, and that she was still holding my hand.

“Nabiki Tendo, did you come here merely to tell me that my sister has gone sapphic?”

“Why do you always use my whole name?” She asked.

“Because you’re Nabiki Tendo,” I said, and I managed the coordination necessary to tuck half her bob behind her ear, pulling her slightly closer. “You are an utter singularity. To say ‘Nabiki’, to say ‘that Tendo woman’, as though you could be anyone in a parade of similarly named women, would be to lessen that.”

Nabiki Tendo gave the tiniest laugh I have ever heard, and said, “You haven’t changed a bit, you know. You still start fights over the slightest thing, and you talk like a shakespeare wannabe, and you’re so loyal you refuse to consider what defending someone else will do to you, but the more I know you, the more I love all those things.”

All through this speech she was getting closer and closer, and I lay there, in anticipation of fireworks, but when she finally kissed me white light burst behind my eyes and I was shaken to my core. A volcano erupted in my chest, wiping out everything else so new life could burst forth from the ashes.

From: Nodokasweetie@yahoo.com

To: gsaotome456@yahoo,com

I’m sending my brother to pick up Ranma’s things. You remember him, I’m sure. Hopefully you won’t be shocked when you see him. Or break a window.

From: Gmansaotome05@yahoo

To: Nodokasweetie@yahoo

You drive me crazy, Nodoka. You always have.

Why can’t we talk about this? Do you really want to rip Ranma away from his father and his life back home?

From: Nodokasweetie@yahoo

To: Gmansaotome05@yahoo

You’re a decade late with that line, Genma. I don’t want to talk to you. In fact, if you harass me or Ranma, I will not only slap you with a restraining order, but will also look in to the statute of limitations on kidnapping. (I’ll save you a google search: There isn’t one)

From: Gmansaotome05@yahoo

To: Nodokasweetie@yahoo

You can’t do that, you’re my wife. And Ranma’s my son! You don’t have the legal right to do that.

From: Nodokasweetie@yahoo

To: Gmansaotome05@yahoo

Ranma’s an adult, and I’m about to be a divorcée.

I am not a nineteen year old girl who wants to please my family more than anything. I am a forty year old woman who will BREAK you if you come near me or my son.

Group Chat: URS

S: Emergency. Meet me in the dorm.

U: Is this a real emergency? Cause they have parfaits in the dining hall.

R: Okay, you can get a parfait first. But then you have to come to your dorm.

U: Why bother? I already know what y’all are gonna say. You fell in love and you want to let me down gently, but the truth is I’m a third wheel and you need space. It’s fine, you guys. I need some space, too.

U: I mean you’re both going to destroy this wonderful thing the three of us have so you can suck face and then break each other’s hearts and I love you both too goddamn much not to warn you, but it’s whatever.

S: It’s not like that.

R: We want there to be the three of us. And you get to come first.

S: Yes, okay? That’s the thing we’ve been dancing around for weeks. Ryoga and I like each other, but we like you too. So we’ve decided that it’s going to be all three of us, together.

R: I mean, you can turn us down.

S: Right. We can’t make decisions for you.

R: That’s just what both of us want.

U: wut

U: So you both met someone you really like, and want to make out with, and you said, ‘Y’know what, let’s make this even more precarious by adding another person to the mix!’?

S: Well, first of all, you met Ryoga and then introduced him to me.

S: You were patching him up, because you are the only person I know who not only brought a first aid kit to college, but also knows how to use it. I thought the two of you were so cute I wanted to jump in the middle right there.

U: You did not.

R: No, I believe it, but I can’t believe you sublimated that into bickering about sitcoms.

S: And then Ukyo smoothed everything over by having us all cuddle for two days watching stuff.

U: That is not how that happened.

R: That is exactly how it happened. And when we were going nuts over finals you made us stop and relax. You’ve done nothing but be kind to us.

S: And crack stupid jokes, and be weird, and obscenely beautiful. So come back to the dorm, okay? It’s an emergency.

The Last Five Posts from: okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. Angsty quotes about failed love

4. Angsty quote about failed love with pastel landscape background.

3. It looks like cool wordplay, but it’s actually an angsty quote about failed love.

2. Food porn: Extreme Cheese Compilation

1. A photo taken from above, with a selfie stick Shampoo found buried in her suitcase. It’s Ryoga, Ukyo, and Shampoo, lying in that order on Ukyo and Shampoo’s beds. Shampoo is preening for the camera, hair flipped over her shoulder, one leg over Ukyo’s. Ryoga is also doing his best duck lips and has one arm wrapped around Ukyo’s shoulders. You can’t tell, and neither can he, but one of his hands is tangling Shampoo and Ukyo’s hair together, which is why the next picture is blurred, jostled as they all laugh trying to get untangled from each other.

Ukyo’s smile looks too big for her face, happiness bursting out of her.

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (7/11)

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

The Three Weeks Before Winter Break: 

                        QUIET ZONE

   NO TALKING, EATING, OR MUSIC BEYOND THIS POINT.

   PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHER LIBRARY GOERS.

From: Ghostsunkgi

To: TKuno

I got plenty of info for you about Nabiki Tendo:

The Basics: Birthdate, family, hometown.

The Social Media: Got her facebook, linked in, instagram, and two tumblr accounts (cute aesthetic one, fandom one).

The Personal: Movies she likes, hobbies, possible phobias, relationships she’s been in, etc. and it’s all in the attached document.

I’m going to be upfront about this, though, and say that I’m sorry. I couldn’t find any life ruining stuff. I heard the school’s investigated her once or twice, but they couldn’t find anything. I thought I could get you some proof that she’s doing something illegal enough to warrant getting the authorities involved, but turns out the prescription medication she sells is hormonal stuff. Testosterone, birth control, nothing the cops would actually want to check out.

However, as a psyc major, I can offer you a rudimentary psychological profile. I believe that Nabiki’s obsession with money stems from her family. They are well-to-do, but not particularly well off, and after losing her mother at a young age Nabiki is constantly craving stability. Now, since she is a very smart girl she does not see stability as something akin to stagnation, but rather focuses on earning money so that no matter what happens she doesn’t have to fear that she will suddenly lose all of life’s little comforts. She is not a sociopath, nor a narcissist, but does focus on herself, and what might happen to her in the outcome of any scenario. As such she is not as much of a risk taker as her little storefront might suggest.

I believe, if you wish to manipulate her you focus on either giving or depriving her of money, or otherwise very directly threatening or aiding her way of life.

From: TKuno

To: Ghostsunkgi

I did not ask for a goddamn psychological profile, I asked you to find out something about Nabiki Tendo that, if exposed, could ruin her life. I am out almost two hundred dollars and you have told me nothing I couldn’t have told you!

From Ghostsunkgi

To TKuno

Good thing you didn’t want a psychological profile, because if I wrote one on you all it would say is that you’re batshit crazy.

Facebook Messenger:

Ukyo: Hey, are you okay?

Ryoga: I’m fine.

Ukyo: I feel like I haven’t seen you since before thanksgiving. I haven’t even heard if you had fun at Shampoo’s!

Ryoga: It was fine. We watched a lot of lame stuff on the internet and I got to know her family a little. It was fine.

Ukyo: Oh my god. You wrote ‘it was fine’ twice. Did someone die?

Ryoga; No. It was boring. Nothing happened.

Facebook Messenger:

Ukyo: Do you have time to catch lunch with me?

Shampoo: Can’t.

Ukyo: Did something happen over thanksgiving break?

Shampoo: No. It was fine. Thanksgiving isn’t really a big deal for my family.

Ukyo: You mean absolutely nothing happened? Not one dumb story to tell me over dinner?

Shampoo: Nothing that’s worth taking time off studying to talk about. Ukyo, I’m swamped. Maybe we could have lunch this weekend.

Ukyo: Fine.

From: Texmextesco@gmail.com

To: prettyporkchop@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

I can’t wait to see you again. Things here are so strange. I want to say it’s the lack of parental supervision, but I can’t anymore.

I hope things aren’t this crazy at your school. People beating each other up, and always upset, and no one you can talk to because you’re kind of ashamed of yourself and who wants to talk to you when even you hate yourself?

Remember high school? Drama only in the carefully allotted time slots between classes? Teachers telling you to apologize? Throwing pencil cases to your friends and watching them burst open, spilling highlighters and pencils and a million little slips of paper, and just laughing?

I really can’t wait to be home. I want to lie on my bed and….That’s it. Lie on my bed and listen to the silence. The rain. The occasional car rolling by. I want to lie down and sleep and let everything flow around me for a while.

And then maybe you and I could get some dinner.

Miss you.

Facebook Messenger

Ranma: Hey, Nabiki, can you lend me fifty bucks?

Nabiki: Ahahahahaha

Ranma: Please? I’ll pay you back. I just don’t have much right now, and I don’t want to use my card and have dad see the charge.

Nabiki: Hahahahahahahaha

Ranma: I know we’re not close, but you’re the only person I’m on good terms with who could just drop fifty bucks.

Nabiki: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ranma: I’m trying to get my birth certificate and it costs fifty bucks.

Nabiki: Okay, I’m no longer uninterested, but I still don’t want to be involved, so I tell you what, give me fifty bucks, I’ll send in the fifty for the certificate, with my card or whatever. K?

Ranma: Got it.

A piece of paper, passed back and forth over the walls of two study corrals:

Sorry to intrude, but are you crying?

Yeah.

Stress?

No. Yes. The stress isn’t helping, but honestly, I’ve felt awful since the 25th. I fucked up. Can I tell you about it?

I don’t mind, but if you tell me something super personal I’ll feel like I have to tell you something.

Really? You go first. Then you can say whatever you feel comfortable saying, and it doesn’t have to be as fucked up and intense as my thing.

Okay. I got my first kiss at a halloween party this year, with some dude I don’t even know, and I feel kind of guilty, but mostly pissed that I didn’t get his name before he left.

You got masked man-ed! Was he wearing a tuxedo mask costume?

No. Batman.

Damn. Then I could have told you who he was. I gave Ryoga that costume so he could try and seduce Akane Tendo, but I think he fucked up and seduced someone else or something.

You know Ryoga Hibiki?

Sure. Fuck. He’s kind of why I’m all messed up. I kissed him, even though I know he has a girlfriend so that he would beat up a guy for me, and that guy tried to gut him, so I beat his face in, and now he’s not talking to me, Ryoga can’t look at me, and I can’t look at Ukyo because what kind of person am I?

Christ. You’re right, that is fucked up, but it takes at least two people for a total fuck up. I mean, that Ryoga guy has a girlfriend, and was going after that other girl AND you.

No, this was my fault. I invited Ryoga over cause I thought it would be an easy way to avoid Mousse, and then I kissed him cause I thought he could solve my Mousse problem permanently, and then things went crazy, and now there is no easy way out.

There never is. Even doing nothing, keeping your mouth shut, pretending everything’s alright for the sake of convenience—That sounds like the easy way, but it’s so fucking hard it hurts.

I know you’re right, but doing stuff is hard too.

Well, you did something about your Mousse problem. I have a feeling he’s not bugging you anymore?

Ha. You’re right. Our mom’s are fighting fit to kill each other-your daughter beat up my son, your son had a knife!-but at least they agree that we should be kept apart.

Is that better than how it was?

Yeah. I wish it hadn’t gone down like that, though.

That’s what happens when you just leave things to build and build.

Guess that means I should go talk to Ukyo and Ryoga before things get stupid like that. You sound like you really have your life together.

Please. I’m engaged, fantasizing about a guy I met once, and just realized that I might have to ‘break up with’ a guy who I thought was my friend. And that’s just my love life. I’ve still got a couple hours worth of studying to do, but I’m going back to my room and crashing so I can get some sleep in before dinner.

PS: I won’t tell Ryoga you’re the one who told me about all this. Sounds like you two already have plenty to work out together.

From: TKuno

To: Nabiki Tendo

Dear Nabiki,

Thanks to the services of a hired man undertaken over thanksgiving break, I know your devastating secret.

From: Nabiki Tendo

To: TKuno

Man, I left you to stew, but I didn’t think you would boil over. Oh, how would I live if word ever got out? Kuno, please don’t tell anyone.

From TKuno

To Nabiki Tendo

I suppose if you can agree to never release those photos, I could conveniently take another blow to the head and forget everything I have learned about you, no matter how disgusting.

From Nabiki Tendo

To TKuno

OH MY GOD

You think I’ve never heard a bluff before? You have nothing on me, and you want to know how I know it?

Face facts Kuno-babe: You fucked up, and you can’t get back at me because I’ve played it cleaner than you. You couldn’t keep yourself in check, just had to do some dumb shit. Forget getting kicked off the kendo team—You realize you could be expelled for dueling? And you keep doing it! You fucking idiot! Do you know how many pictures and videos I have of that?

You break rules all the time and expect never to get caught, not even because daddy is the dean, but because you actually think you’re that much better than everyone.

While you’re off getting wasted, and falling for cheap lines like ‘I bet you work out’ and ‘I love that drama. The twist with the princess and the accountant? Never saw it coming!’ I’ve been working my ass off, not only making money, but also keeping my head above water. Maybe I have done something which you could get me for legally, but you’ll never have proof.

I didn’t outsmart you, hun, I just waited for you to fuck yourself and filmed it.

From: TKuno

To: Nabiki Tendo

I know you must be enjoying cackling maniacally at me like a b-villain, but may I ask you one question?

From Nabiki Tendo

To TKuno

Yes, I do hate you, and I have always hated you, and that reveal that the princess was banging the accountant was tired as fuck. You know who should diddle the numbers guy? The courtesan. Not only did they have chemistry, but they could have had an actual relationship, based on being greedy and underhanded in their various professions.

From TKuno

To Nabiki Tendo

1. You missed the point, as expected, you heartless wench. Of course those two could have a sleazy relationship based on being sleazy. That’s what made hime and the accountant such a satisfying twist. Not only are they different, but they appreciate each other’s differences, so they make each other better while also having a good relationship based on the things they do have in common.

2. Why didn’t you just give my father the photos of me dueling?

From Nabiki Tendo

To TKuno

1. They had nothing in common. You’re blowing hot air out of your dirty shipper mouth.

2. I don’t answer to you.

Kodachi’s Journal

The flurry of leaves finishing falling

Freshmen frolicking

Among unwritten essays and cans of ersatz energy

Studying between practice

Practice between studying?

Sleeping between eating and rising.

Ranma

Respite

Ten fumbling minutes in a hall closet

In which I barely tasted you, my darling cream puff

But your mind was elsewhere

Fifty bucks to try and find your mother

Fifty dollars to your family

I gave it to you, of course.

I tried to explain

How I envied you

The toll to visit my own mother two gold coins

And my life

But now

Stretching on the balance beam

I wonder if your hands were not a touch grabby?

That is

Were you groping my ass

Or the outline of my wallet?

Ukyo’s phone———> Ryoga and Shampoo’s Phone

911 URGENT.

HELP.

OUR ROOM.

QUICK.

Ranma’s phone——>Nabiki’s phone

Got ur fifty.

My room.

ASAP.

Ranma’s Diary.

I can’t believe it.

Why did I never think I had a mother? I never even asked. There’s so much stuff where the mothers have that vague, ‘cancer-car-crash-itis’ that I guess they filled in the blanks for me.

That or I’m just stupid.

I can’t believe Nabiki is sitting at my desk, filing out a few forms that might get me to my mother. I can’t believe I have one. I can’t believe I’m doing this to myself. What if she—

I’m trying not to think past imagining getting the certificate in my mail box. Hopefully it comes before the break starts, but I don’t think waiting till January will kill me.

My stomach aches like it will, but I’ve survived worse.

Speaking of surviving, I can’t believe I had a conversation with Ukyo and didn’t die. I think I’ve even impressed myself with that trick.

I was jogging, because Nabiki told me she wouldn’t have time for me until after lunch, and if I worked up a sweat then I could take a shower, without feeling like I was doing it just to scrub Kodachi off of me. (I can’t believe I kissed a girl for fifty bucks).

I tripped over Ukyo’s bag. She was leaned up against a tree and I think maybe she had been crying? I mean, I think she was upset before she saw me, but whatever. She was pissed, rubbing her bag and snapping at me. I didn’t want to waste time getting into an argument with her—and how could I fit ANOTHER duel into my busy schedule?—so I said,

“Are you okay?”

She got this weird look on her face. Sad, and confused, and a little angry about being confused. “Like you care.”

“Of course I care. I mean, you’re crying in the woods in December. It’s worrying.”

“So? It’s not going to keep you up at night.”

I was trying really hard not to get pissed off, so I swear when I said, “Don’t tell me what I think. Yell at me, call me names, kick my face in, but don’t try to talk for me,” it wasn’t an invitation.

“Your silence speaks volumes, Ranma.”

“Wait, is this about breaking up with you?” I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that, but at the same time, I can’t believe she’s still so burned up over it.

“No, it’s because you didn’t go to prom with me, and because we aren’t going to buy our first legal drinks together, and because you never gave a shit about my feelings then, so I don’t get why you’re pretending to now.”

Fuck it, I’m a fighter. She was looking for a fight.

“I didn’t care about your feelings? I broke up with to save those fucking things! I didn’t want you to be hurt, so I told you the truth and that I still loved you, but I had to do this.

You’re the one who wouldn’t talk to me. You’re the one who MAILED my stuff to me. We saw each other every day, but you couldn’t even drive to my house and ding-dong-ditch me! You never asked if I was okay, you never took my calls, I tried to protect you from this huge, stupid thing in my life and you made it all about you!”

Ukyo threw her bag aside so hard it cracked against a tree and all her shit spilled out, but she was too busy getting up in my face and screaming at me to care. “You’re the one who decided that if your father wants you to MARRY someone you’re going to do it! You’re the one who didn’t fight for me! You’re the one who thought if you told me why you were breaking up with me somehow that would mean we weren’t broken up!”

I shoved her back. “It’s not like you fought for me either!”

Ukyo slammed her hands into my chest and sent me to the ground. “What would I have done?! Challenged your father to a fight? Called child protective services? For fuck’s sake, Ranma, we were children!”

I haven’t cried since…When Ukyo knocked me down something about the way I fell, the way I hit the ground, the way the dirt smelled and my teeth clacked together, it reminded me of falling down as a kid. I’ve been trained to fall down so it doesn’t hurt. To roll or bend to minimize the blow. You know how my father taught me that? By pushing me down.

I started crying. So loud and hard I couldn’t breathe. I haven’t cried like that since I was a kid. An even littler kid. ‘Cause Ukyo was right. We were kids. And maybe we still are. Maybe we’ll always be unfinished and confused, and we’ll try our best but our best will always be half of what we need to get by.

“I-I-I wanted you to move on!” I hiccuped. “I wanted you to know it wasn’t you!”

Ukyo kneeled next to me and hovered for a moment before picking up my hands and holding them in hers. She was crying too. “If you loved me so much how could you ditch me like that?”

“I c-called you, and I tried to talk to you. I didn’t want to ruin our relationship by being engaged.”

“Well, it’s fucking ruined!” and then we both laughed. Painful, hiccupy laughs, interrupted by snorting back all the snot from crying and being outside when it was that cold.

I can’t believe Ukyo and I screwed each other like that. Shut down and tried to pretend we didn’t care and basically gave each other a knife to the heart.

We managed to calm down and Ukyo let go of my hands.

“So there isn’t something about me that makes people want to dump me? Something that scares people away?”

I shook my head. “Hell, you should have been trying to get away from me.”

Ukyo smiled a little and said, “It’s nice having a guy willing to fight anything that moves on your side. And I really loved you.”

Past tense.

“I loved you too.” But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck that it’s over. It doesn’t make it okay, but I guess it makes it right.

Ukyo stood up and helped me up. I didn’t need help, but it felt nice for some reason. Like when my dad would pour me juice even though I could have done it myself. It tasted a little better.

“I think there’s something I have to do.” Ukyo said. Something in her voice told me it had nothing to do with me.

“Is your number still the same?” I asked anyway.

Ukyo looked sort of surprised, but she said yes.

“Can I call you? If something happens, or maybe just to talk?”

“Yeah. And I’ll even pick up.”

Then Ukyo went off to do her mysterious thing, and I went back to my room, glad to still be alive.

Okay, Nabiki said it’ll be here in a couple of weeks. I can’t believe I’m doing this.

  From TKuno

To Ghostsungki

Just writing to say you should re-think your major. Your profile was wrong. There is something Nabiki Tendo values more than herself.

Not Anal

I found Ryoga leaving the library (He’d been in the part where you’re allowed to talk. Says silence freaks him out) and he was all freaked out, asking me if I knew why Ukyo would send an emergency text. I had been trying not to get too worked up, but with Royga already panicking I gave in, and we ran over to my dorm.

We burst into my room, expecting a pool of blood or a shattered laptop or something.

Ukyo was sitting on our beds, which she had pushed together and piled with all our blankets and pillows on so you couldn’t feel the gap where the frames touch but the matresses don’t. She was wearing a flannel shirt and sweatpants, and when she stood up you could see that she had only buttoned two buttons on her shirt. I won’t tell you which buttons, but just imagine it being incredibly hot.

Ukyo opened her closet door and said, “Okay, put your bags in there.”

Royga and I stared at her.

“I thought there was an emergency.” Ryoga said.

“Where did I say that?” Ukyo pulled her phone out of her pocket and read over it. “Nope. No emergency. No problem. I just told you to come quick.”

“So what’s going on?” I asked.

“I am going to set an alarm, and for the next two hours the three of us aren’t going to do anything school related. We’re just going to relax and do whatever we want.” For the first time she looked a little nervous. “You two have been so stressed since thanksgiving. I figured it was because you didn’t do any work over the break and you’re swamped now, but I’m calling a time out so you two can get some self care done.”

“I kissed Ryoga.” I said. I let my backpack fall off my shoulder and kicked it into the closet.

“It was stupid.” Ryoga said, tossing his bag into the closet and closing it. “I mean, it didn’t mean anything. I mean-“ I touched his shoulder and he stopped.

“It doesn’t matter.” I said to Ukyo, “Because now I’m going to kiss you to make it even.”

I am a woman of my word. I knew I was going to do it, but I was kind of surprised that Ukyo let me. I thought I would just say it and that would be peace offering enough, but she didn’t stop me when I put my arms around her neck, so I got on my tip-toes and my brain went ‘fuck it’ and I laid one on her. I think her knees gave out a little. Someone’s did.

Ryoga popping open a bag of chips startled us, but it didn’t ruin the mood. The mood wasn’t ‘having sex with your roommate’ it was stretching out on a bed and taking a deep breath while Ukyo made fun of Ryoga for liking cozy mysteries. Cozy mystery—maybe that was the feeling. Warm and safe and somewhat luxurious lying on a bed made plush with three extra blankets. Comfortable, even with bare branches tapping at the window and finals looming in the back of our minds.

This is probably a bad idea. Someone already trying to be in two relationships at once, and someone who doesn’t believe in love—I couldn’t have chosen worse people to fall for.

But as I sit here typing this, waiting to get tired enough to go to sleep with Ukyo and Ryoga-the two hour plan got kicked in favor of naps-I feel the best I’ve felt in weeks. Bone deep calm, radiating outward so all that other bullshit can’t touch me.

Akari’s phone———->Ryoga’s phone

Hun, what time do

you get in at

heathrow?

                                                               8pm

When do you get

on the plane?

                                                              The first one? Around noon.

                                                            Akari, I know you won’t be at

                                                            the airport, but I want to see

                                                            you as soon as possible.

I know. I want to

see you even

sooner. <3

From TKuno

To: Nabiki Tendo

Dear Nabiki Tendo,

If you show those photos to anyone, please consider that the very next day three different people will be sitting in my fathers office to attest that Ranma Saotome has been involved in several duels. His expulsion will be quick and clean.

Your Loyal Sparring Partner,

Tatewaki Kuno

The Tendo House

Latest Video: Personal Blog—Channel Direction

The video opens in Kasumi’s bedroom. She is sitting on her bed, hands restlessly picking over the ruffle on a throw pillow. Her color is high, her eyes bright like she might have a fever. Her voice shakes somewhere between crying and cackling.

Kasumi: Ah…I’ve tired to open this video so many times. I even considered shooting one in advance and just uploading that whenever I—But I realized that was just wishful thinking and wouldn’t actually be helpful when the time came.

Now I’ve been holding back on recording this. I wanted to be…sure.

(Kasumi takes a deep breath. Her expression becomes a touch more serious. She has been planning for this moment for a long time, though she is not sure if she will ever tell how much)

I’m three months pregnant.

[Akane, Nabiki, and Soun Tendo never saw the rest of this video.]

From: Nabiki Tendo

To: TKuno

Sorry, Kuno-babe, I don’t think we’ll be ‘sparring’ for a while.

I have pregnant fish to fry.

Consider yourself dangling, but still hooked.

The Stunning,

Nabiki Tendo.

Akane’s Diary:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SHE DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME.

I’m not even mad exactly??? It’s that feeling when you watch a video and someone does something so awful, but it’s so unexpected and so not your problem that your mouth hangs open in horror, but you choke and laugh at the same time.

Maybe if I write this down my chest will stop shaking.

I went to Ryoga’s after my calc final to see if that girl in the library had been telling the truth about Ryoga having a girlfriend and/or liking me. I knew Ranma would be tied up at our calc final for another hour. (Ranma is one of those freaks who takes the entire time given, even though getting to leave as soon as you’re done is THE perk of college).

I watched Ryoga pack for a while. We chatted, but it was mostly me asking him questions so he would talk and I could just sit there and think.

He’s not bad looking, Ryoga. His hair is always messed up, but not always in a rakish british pop star kind of way. Still, he’s got nice eyes, and broad shoulders, and, you know, two arms and two legs and a head.

That’s how I feel about him, I guess. He’s a guy, and he’s good looking, and even if he’s thinking about cheating on his girlfriend I’m pretty sure he hasn’t, so I wouldn’t say he’s a bad guy.

But there I was, watching him, thinking: ‘If that girl was right, I could get up, and sit on the edge of his bed and kiss him’. That’s what I was picturing. A good girlfriend move, perching on his bed, and wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

Imagining it filled me with an overwhelming sensation of…meh.

Ryoga’s a good guy, but there’s nothing about him that sets him apart. Nothing that made me want to do that cute little girlfriend thing for him, or push him down and do things that would make his cheap-ass mattress beg for mercy.

I went to his room thinking I would confront him, but for what? Thought crimes? Even if he has a girlfriend and he cheats on her, it sure won’t be with me.

That was when Ranma burst into the room. He threw his backpack onto his bed and spun around to leave, but froze when he saw me.

“Akane, have you seen the latest video on Kasumi’s blog?”

I stared at him. His expression was very strange. I couldn’t tell if he wanted to console or congratulate me.

“I saw the one she posted in November…” I said, sure he was talking about something else.

Ranma hopped up to sit on Ryoga’s desk and put his phone on his knee, which was eye level for me. He hit play.

Ranma knew my sister was pregnant before me.

I was sitting in his room thinking about how much I don’t care if some guy has a crush on me, and Ranma is getting a youtube notification telling him that my sister is pregnant. I’m not mad about that it, it just feels wrong somehow.

I immediately tried to call Kasumi, and when she didn’t pick up I redialed twice. I sent her four texts, then one to Nabiki.

My finger hovered over dad’s number.

“So you didn’t know about this?” Ranma asked.

I realized I had a thousand yard stare and tried to focus on Ranma’s face “No. I had no idea.”

Ranma nodded. “I figured. You or Nabiki would have told me if you did. The three of you are always so…proud of each other.”

I have no idea what that meant. Ranma looked melancholy. Or maybe just maudlin. That’s a good word to have around, maudlin. Then he smiled at me and I lost my train of thought.

It’s not the time to think about it, but that’s not a good sign is it? Watching Ryoga in a tight t-shirt, bending and stretching and shoving while he packs, but when Ranma, hair unbrushed, a gi shirt hanging off of him like a jacket, smiles at me my brain goes on the fritz?

Nabiki still has cramming to do, and there isn’t much to talk about since Kasumi hasn’t spoken to either of us. We’ve tried to contact her every way short of smoke signals (and don’t think Nabiki wouldn’t get on the roof and light something on fire if she thought it would get a reaction) but it seems like we won’t be getting any answers until we get home on thursday.

Ranma came back to my room with me to ‘help me study’ but we don’t have any exams tomorrow, and thank god, since I can’t concentrate to save my life. Ranma is lying on my bed eating my secret stash of chips and leafing through my even secreter stash of cosmos, while I try to get all my questions in order.

Why? Who’s the father? Can we actually afford a baby? Why aren’t you talking to us? Have you told dad? When are you going to tell dad? Where is it going to sleep? Do I still have to marry Ranma? Oh, god, don’t make me marry Ranma, I think I might be starting to LIKE him. Especially when he laughs, nearly chokes on my chips, and then reads whatever weird fragment he found funny out loud. Kasumi, don’t do this to me.

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. A Youtube video about making really cute gift baskets with homemade sweets.

4. Lingerie sets. Not just bras and panties (and teddies and stockings and…) but some very neat looking briefs made from high end material.

3. Tasteful, but still extremely erotic nude drawings (especially if you are of the Georgia O’Keefe persuasion).

2. A picture of Ryoga and Shampoo speaking in the vestibule of the girl’s dorm, the world starkly white and black through the huge glass doors. They don’t look like they know their picture is being taken. Ryoga has a duffel bag over his shoulder and Shampoo is hefting it’s weight in her hand. She’s about the drop it back onto his shoulder and watch him stagger, but you can’t tell in the photo. One of Ryoga’s hands rests on the handle of her tiny, shiny, purple suitcase. They look good together, and the lighting is nice, somehow, between the fluorescents and the glaring winter sun, and, and it’s a good photo, and Ukyo posts it to prove that she knows that, and that she doesn’t care about the twinges in her chest when she looks at it.

1. That feel when you think you’re heartsick or something, but you just need a tums. #personal #everything’s even #they’re not going to do anything #nothing ever changes over winter break anyway

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (6/11)

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

Thanksgiving Break

FaceBook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ukyo!

Shampoo: Ukyo!!!!!!!

Shampoo: UKYO!!!!!!!

Ukyo: Hey. I just got home. What’s wrong?

Shampoo: EVERYTHING. Why didn’t you message me back?

Ukyo: I turned off my phone in the car. I wanted to talk to my dad. And I was reading him Good Omens.

Shampoo: Oh, isn’t that nice, you got to bond with your father and I gOT SEX TIPS FROM MY GRANDMA!

Ukyo: Explain.

Shampoo: You’re never gonna believe this shit.

Ukyo: Don’t have much of a choice.

Shampoo: Last month Mousse kept asking me when I was going to come home, and I said not till Thanksgiving break

Ukyo: You live like an hour away, tho

Shampoo: That is why I had to come up with a good excuse!!! I told him I had a boyfriend and I wanted to spend my weekends with him.

Shampoo: Mousse said, bullshit, so I told Ryoga to text him and tell him he couldn’t come over for Thanksgiving break so he would believe me.

Ukyo: Could you get to the point?

Shampoo: I am! So Mousse came to pick me up this afternoon, and we’re chit-chatting in the parking lot, and who should roll up?

Shampoo: RYOGA. WITH A PACKED BAG.

Shampoo: HE TOLD MOUSSE HE WAS GOING TO SPEND THE WEEK WITH US

Ukyo: That’s so nice of him!

Shampoo: HE’S SLEEPING IN MY ROOM, UKYO.

Ukyo: Uh…

Shampoo: We don’t have a guest room. I said he could sleep on the couch, but grandma was like, “What? He’s your friend and you’d have him sleep on the couch like a dog?” So I said, “Okay, I’ll sleep on the couch.” and grandma said, well, it sounds better in chinese, okay? Less blunt.

Shampoo: She said I’m in college now, so it’s cool, cause we must be…

Shampoo: AND MA JUST SAT THERE DRINKING COFFEE AND NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT.

Ukyo: What’s Ryoga doing?

Shampoo: He’s in the bathroom. He was really excited to take a shower without worrying someone is going to walk in on him. He mentioned it in the car.

Ukyo: I probably shouldn’t think that’s cute, but it is.

Shampoo: It is.

Shampoo: Not helping.

Ukyo: Shampoo. Hun. Honey.

Ukyo: Chill.

Ukyo: All I’m hearing is, ‘I get to hang out with my friend Ryoga over the break, and don’t have to worry about my ex hitting on me’.

Shampoo: But we’re going to share a bed. Have you ever shared a bed with a guy? Two words:

Shampoo: Morning. Wood.

Ukyo: He didn’t offer to sleep on the floor?

Shampoo: What floor? With my full size in here there is functional space only. It’s the bed or pressed up between the bookcase and the wall.

Ukyo: Just talk to him. Or sleep feet to head. Or with your heads in the middle. Or whatever. It’ll be fine. You are not going to slip, fall over, and accidentally have sex with Ryoga. I promise.

Ukyo: I have to go get dinner with my dad. You okay now?

Shampoo: I guess. We’ll talk soon?

Ukyo: Promise. <3

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. Dancing turkey gifset

4. Long post about native american culture, vis-a-vis Thanksgiving + charities to donate to.

3. A blurry photo of the tops of someone’s shoes, just under a shelf of canned cranberry sauce at what looks to be a grocery store

2. Shit, did that just post? Fuck. Why meeeeeeeeee

1. I don’t want to tell any of my friends about what happened because I told them to stop whining about Thanksgiving stuff, and I think I’m fine. He didn’t see me, and by the time my father found me he was gone.

Ranma’s Diary

I saw Ukyo yesterday. He looked pretty good for someone crouching behind a display of cranberry sauce.

I think he was hiding from me.

I thought that was kind of funny, because shouldn’t I be hiding from him? And his dad? Don’t they both want to kill me?

I haven’t thought about Ukyo in a while. I try not to. Well, I tried not to, and then I got really good at it, which I think they call forgetting.

I really liked Ukyo. They were cool. Really cool. Normal, too. Their house was always clean enough, and they had lots of different kinds of food all the time. Dad usually just eats whatever I’m supposed to be eating, so a lot of pork chops and hard boiled eggs and protein powder. Somedays I’d go over to Ukyo’s and there would be mexican leftovers, or tuna noodle casserole, or five different lunch meats, and I could eat anything I wanted.

Okay, the best thing about going out with Ukyo wasn’t the food, although the food was great. And it wasn’t the making out, or just lying on their bed and chilling, either.

And it wasn’t hanging out during lunch, or buying gifts for each other on christmas or

There were a lot of really great things about dating Ukyo.

I remember the first time I saw Akane, all I could think was: “He’s not Ukyo.” I was mad enough he was a guy (well, you know, I thought so at the time) but it just seemed so wrong that he wasn’t Ukyo. Like they should have found a male Ukyo or something and that’s who my dad should have been trying to marry me off to.

The Tendos have good food too. Lots and lots of rice. I think Kasumi likes rice cause it’s cheap, and it’s easy to make and she never seems to run out. I mean, she told me that, while she was cooking once. I was sitting on the floor while she wandered around the kitchen. She was making a big ole pot of curry, just a huge tureen of the stuff, and she was going back and forth from the stove to the counter checking the rice and the curry, and poking at something she made for dessert, cause I think she liked to make dessert when I came over. I mean, she told me that.

Kasumi reminds me of Ukyo a little. Not just because they’re both good cooks, but because they both make you feel really calm. Kasumi never seems to talk. You just sit next to her and you learn things. I’m sure she talks, she’s just so…soft. I don’t know. Like you know how when you know someone really well, and you hangout with them a lot, you stop noticing them? Like they’re a chair? I mean, in a good way. You don’t have that, ‘strange person’ alert going off in the back of your head all the time, you just feel totally relaxed like you would if you were alone.

That’s Kasumi.

Anyway, I was on the floor, watching her feet, and I think I had asked her what she thought about Akane and me, and she said,

“I think that mom and dad wanted to raise the perfect woman. Someone who has beautiful children and runs a successful business and marries into a good family that can help with the dojo. Between the three of us they’re going to get her.” that’s how I found out Akane was trans. I mean, I had this weird feeling, the way Nabiki joked about having two sisters, but they didn’t really sound like jokes? She would tease Akane about being feminine, but it seemed more like gushing. Like when one of your friends gets super obsessed with something and you call them a nerd because you’re crazy about that thing too. Like that.

Okay, so I’ve just written this long character study thing, but I don’t feel much better about seeing my old bae hiding from me in the supermarket with the ‘seasons greetings’ and ‘goodwill to all’ signs already up.

I think, the point I was trying to make, somewhere in here, was that I miss Ukyo, and I want to talk to them, but what am I going to say? I miss them because of what I did, and even if they feel the same, it’ll probably be just like finding out Akane is trans.

“Hey, we have this thing in common! Maybe we can use it to build a bridge over this huge chasm of anger and resentment between—nope, it all fell in.”

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

To: PrettyPorkChop@gmail.com

Hey Akari, not sure if it’s been a long time since we’ve talked, or it feels that way because I’m on break. I’ll be home soon though! It’s going to be great. A proper slushy christmas. The weather over here is a little strange. It’s just cold and bright. Not warm, but everything seems to glitter, even though there’s no snow yet.

It is very strange sharing a bed wi[deleted]

Thanksgiving is very interesting this year. I’m used to the tradition since this is usually when I would go visit mom, but it’s very different to go for a week and to actually live here and see how desperately everyone is using Thanksgiving to stave off christmas.

It’s also very interesting sharing a bed with a girl. I mean it’s not bad it’s just really really intimate and I never even did this with you and I’m waking up wrapped up in the way she smells and the warmth of her and [delete]

So far things have been pretty relaxing, here’s hoping that continues so I’m all rested up for finals. I’ve been studying very hard for my calc final because it’s my last one, and the sooner I finish it the sooner I’m on my way home,

Can’t wait to see you.

Ryoga.

The Tendo House

Kasumi’s recipes: Moussaka!

The video opens on the familiar view of Kasumi’s kitchen and an unfamiliar guest.

Kasumi: So, I don’t actually have the money, or the fridge space or literally anything that would make making an extra Thanksgiving dinner worth it.

Akane: I mean, you could have done it in August and—

Kasumi: (Throwing her arms around her sister in an effort to startle her. It works) So I’m here with my sister, Akane, and we’re going to make something that, while not a traditional Thanksgiving dish, is delicious, warm, and perfect for sharing.

Akane: And then Kasumi is going to start on the actual Thanksgiving stuff, and she’s going to post videos of her two best dishes so you have them for next year, or whenever.

Kasumi: (Releasing her sister) It’s going to be brisket, and a cranberry sauce recipe that you will actually want to eat. But for now (she claps her hands together) Moussaka!

Wide shots of fresh produce occur, as well as plenty of slicing and drizzling with oil. The moussaka comes together, layer by layer.

Abruptly Kasumi’s voice over and impersonal shots of her and Akane’s hands are replaced by another wide shot of the kitchen.

“Kasumi, I’m going to the store, do you—“ A boy appears on screen, roughly Akane’s age. There is a rather criminal amount of swagger in his walk for someone whose white gi pants are sticking out under a puffy, flourescent orange winter coat. He stops abruptly when he notices Akane.

Kasumi: (finishes layering zucchini in the huge black pot the moussaka is going into and walks past Akane to rinse her hands in the sink). I think I’ve got everything I need. Wait—Do we have pickles?

Akane: No, I finished them last night.

Kasumi: Pickles then. The sour, garlicky kind. Strips, not chips or squewers or whatever else they have. Strips. Here, I think I have a few dollars in my purse.

Boy: Oh, no, I’ll pay for it. What’s a couple of bucks between-(he fumbles and takes a different track) I mean, you’re doing thanksgiving for us. It’s the least I could do.

Kasumi: Speaking of feeding you, what kind of food do you like? I’ve got a good sewing video, and one about fixing pipes in the making, but after thanksgiving I’m going to be clean out of food video ideas.

Boy: (Clearly just wanting to get out of the kitchen) Christmas is coming up, right? What about cookies. A bunch a different cookies, in, like, gift baskets. That seems like your sort of thing.

Kasumi considers this for a minute, hands on her hips. She seems to evoke a certain gravity on this boy. He looks like he wants to leave, but a certain force is keeping him rooted to the spot.

Kasumi: (With a decisive nod) Then I’ll need more flour, sugar, butter…You know what, I’ll write up a list. Akane, are you okay going with him? He might need a little help with all that stuff.

Akane: (Looking very similar to the boy, in that she would love to say no, but finds it impossible in front of Kasumi). Okay. I’ll help.

And, in a voice over that follows a seamless transition back to Moussaka layering, Kasumi explains: And that is why Akane is not in the rest of this video, as well as a sneak peak at what I’ll be doing soon!

The three most important posts from timetoddddie.tumblr.com:

3. A post reblogged from fuckboisgetmoney: Ryoga’s battered face and the caption about possibly starting a guro blog. #not a guro blog exactly #documenting the strange goings on at a small college out in the sticks of the east coast #jk #it’s people dueling over a girl #what is my life

2. A photo of the top of Kuno’s head, from the time Nabiki stayed with him at health services for a minute. It’s the crown of his head, a splotchy bruise extending from the top of his forehead to his perfectly tousled side part, looking almost like a miscolored extension of the latter. #can you believe he’s our kendo team’s star player? #school spirit #fuck you nsj

1. A picture of the head of the girl’s gymnastic’s team with a spread of bruises over her torso, the vibrant colors broken up by a grey sports bra for modesty’s sake. Nabiki payed for this photo with a bag of jelly beans and five RedBull. She wanted to see how the purple and green flesh played with the rock hard muscles of the girl’s core, and she wasn’t disappointed. #my sister totally isn’t worth this #i love the girl #but doesn’t this look painful? #glad all I gotta do to get a guy is put on some sheer tights

Not Anal

At least he waited till black Friday. At least he had the decency.

Look, sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and you realize you left your bra on because you fell asleep while watching movies with your friend in a post feast stupor. (We always eat late cause the restaurant is usually open. Thanksgiving has never been a big deal at our house because Grandma is in charge around here and she never cared, so she doesn’t really expect us to, but ever since I was about nine and could ask for it we would eat a nice meal on Thanksgiving. Grandma kind of likes an excuse for a big meal, so she lets it happen).

So, anyway, like I was saying, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was half asleep and too clumsy to get at my bra without taking my shirt off. Once underwire was no longer digging into my ribs I rolled over and fell back asleep.

Which, and I swear on my grandmother’s soon to be dug grave, is why I was topless when Mousse decided to come barging into my room and announce that he was going to fight Ryoga for me.

So I’m sitting there trying to cover my chest and screaming at him to get out, and he’s screaming right back that this has nothing to do with me and that he just wants Ryoga, which of course sends mom and Grandma running, because now he’s woken them up, and then I really started howling at everyone to GET OUT and I think grandma implied that it looked like Ryoga and I had been having sex in my room, which is such bullshit, because she never said anything when Mousse and I had been fucking in there, but once Ryoga and I are being total slobs and leaving our clothes and junk food everywhere, then we MUST be having sex, so then I was screaming at her about that—

That is when Ryoga decided to slowly, slowly, sllooooowwlly wake up. I’m serious, his eyelids fluttered, and he stretched his arms over his head, and he propped himself up on an elbow and cracked his jaw, and then, and only then, did he say,

“What the fuck is going on?”

At which point I wacked him with a pillow because everyone else in the room had already seen my breasts and I was more pissed than modest.

“You’re fighting Mousse in the alley behind the restaurant in ten minutes.” I told him, and that seemed to satisfy Mousse, because he nodded and left. Mom and grandma went with him, chatting about who should referee. They seemed to think this was going to be like the little sparring matches Mousse and I used to have when we were still doing martial arts, and not a knock-down, drag-out kind of fight.

“Why am I going to fight Mousse?” Ryoga asked once they were gone.

“For the grand privilege of fucking me, of course.” I said, getting out of bed to figure out where I had thrown my bra.

“But, uh, we…”

“Yeah, I know.”

That is when I got this really awful idea. I swear, my face should have done that grinch thing where his whole face curls in on itself.

I turned around, kicked off my sweatpants-said a little prayer of thanks that I had run out of comfortable undies and was wearing a pink thong- and got back on to the bed so I could start crawling toward Ryoga, basically everything I have on display.

“Maybe I’ll do it, too, if you beat the shit out of Mousse.”

Ryoga’s eyes were enormous. Almost bigger than his head.

“I-I have—you know that I—“

Have you ever tried to crawl sexily? Not easy, but by the time I was close enough to Ryoga to put my hand on his thigh it didn’t matter.

“I know you have a girlfriend, and you’re trying to reel in, like, five more,”

“Just Akane. I mean, Akari. I mean, I’m going to tell Akari to her face.”

By then we were face to face, maybe an inch apart, my breasts just brushing his t-shirt, and I said, “That’s the best part. I already know all that, so I’m not going to get sloppy and tell them, and you aren’t going to have to worry about me expecting you to marry me like my grandmother might.”

There wasn’t an inch between us. I couldn’t even look in his eyes anymore, that’s how close we were. I could feel his breath on my lips, and I could feel that he was hesitating, but I didn’t know if that meant he was holding himself back or if he was trying to force himself to do something.

That was when he threw his arms around me and crushed me against him. Ryoga Hibiki kisses like he’s never going to get the chance again. Like he’s been out in the woods for weeks on end and he’s so desperate for human contact that he’ll wring it out of you.

And this after sharing a bed with me for almost a week. I wonder what his girlfriend is going to get at the airport.

I’m pretty sure that’s the thought that woke me up enough to punch him in the chest(there just wasn’t space for me to do anything else. I couldn’t get his lips off mine to say something) knocking him back enough that I could say, “You should put some shoes on. That alley is all gravel.”

That killed the mood.

So I’m standing out in the back alley, my mother doing a little count down, my lips still tingling—I mean, jesus. No wonder this girl was willing to do long distance. Jesus.— and I know that there is no way Ryoga can take Mousse. Maybe in a kissing contest, but Mousse has years of martial arts training. Ryoga has mass. You can do that math.

Except Ryoga, while he might be big and muscley, has that charming british accent so you know he’s not an idiot. He stayed defensive, which was good. I probably should have told him that Mousse is a cheat, rather than that thing about the gravel.

Okay, Mousse doesn’t exactly cheat, but he’s underhanded. He likes to strike lots of little blows and wear you down, rather than straight up beating the shit out of you.

He does that after you’re worn down.

So Ryoga is staying defensive, feinting here and there, but he’s not giving Mousse enough room to make the little blows he likes. So Mousse starts hitting Ryoga when his guard is up. Hits that glance off his forearms, but hits all the same. Trying to rile Ryoga up, I don’t know.

Mousse went in for another quick punch, and Ryoga rammed him. Arms up, he absorbed Mousse’s blow and ran forward, sending Mousse skidding on the gravel, and slammed him into the back wall of the restaurant.

You know, I didn’t actually see the knife. Just the movement of Mousse’s hands. I didn’t need to see the knife. I knew it was the nice one with the pearl handle. Christ, I saw it when mum was doing the count down, but I didn’t think for a second he would take it out.

But there it was. I knew that movement. I had watched Mousse practice it over and over with his first switch blade, a small black one he found in the tool box under the kitchen sink, until her could whip it out in a second, with a motion like flicking dust away.

But I didn’t actually see the blade flash. I didn’t feel Ryoga’s collar in my hand, but that’s the only thing I could have grabbed to send him flying backwards.

All I felt was the impact of the punch I landed on Mousse’s nose. The crunch of cartilage. His glasses broke, cutting both of us.

I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

Akane’s Diary

I didn’t realize Ranma used to date. I mean, like he actually had a significant other, not just messing around at parties like me.

I was sort of waiting for something to happen that I would want to write about more than this, but so far things have been pretty calm and it’s between writing about this and considering a personal ad in the school newsletter asking for a dude who dressed up as batman for halloween and met a girl dressed as Zelda. This is the healthier option. I’ve got to forget about that stuff.

Okay, so, two days before thanksgivng Kasumi has me doing a video with her. Actually, I asked if I could be in one. Never mind. We’re making moussaka.

Suddenly Ranma shows up wanting to know if Kasumi wants anything from the store. Long story short, I wind up in the car with him. It was a nice car. Not the luxury kind people who actually know things about cars whistle over, but the seats were comfy and the heater was good.

I said that to him. Since the silence was kind of awkward. Which maybe made him think I wanted to have a conversation, even though all I wanted was to stop feeling like we really should be trying to have a conversation.

“Was that apron your mother’s?” He asked, “The one Kasumi was wearing.”

It took me a minute to remember that the apron Kasumi was wearing had ‘Tomoko’ embroidered over the heart.

“Yes. Kasumi made it as a gift.”

“I see.”

The silence resumed, and felt even worse because I could feel the topic of mom looming before us.

Have you ever been in a situation so awkward you said something that would normally plunge you into an awkward situation, but you’re so strung out on having absolutely nothing to say that you sort of hope this will circle things back to a normal conversation? Of course not. Because you’re normal.

But me, I say to him, “So where is your mom, anyway? Your parents divorced?”

He doesn’t answer, and I think it’s too personal a question until he finally says, “Huh. I guess I have a mom…”

I burst out laughing. “What kind of answer is that?”

He shrugged, but he was smiling a little. “I don’t know. I’d believe dad had me himself if he could. I never had a mom, and he never talked about her.”

“Why?”

“What did I just say?” Ranma said, but he said it in a nice way, like we were sharing a joke.

And thus, thanks to Ranma’s non-existent, though theoretically probable mother, the awkwardness lifted for a minute, and we managed to talk about school, and food we like, and other normal things, until we were walking through the pickle aisle, and he suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me in another direction.

“Don’t look,” He whispered, “My ex is behind the cranberry sauce.”

What else was I going to do? I looked. Ranma Saotome isn’t the boss of me. And I really wanted to know what a person who not only put up with him but made out with him looked like.

Their gender was kind of indeterminate, and I couldn’t get a great look at them except to say that they had long hair and were wearing a really cute sweater.

“I told you not to look!” Ranma dragged me clear over to the milk, this weird back corner where it’s a little quieter than the rest of the store.

“Let’s just stay here.” He said, like that was a great plan.

“Ranma, we came here for groceries, not to play chicken with someone you used to date.”

“You don’t understand. Ukyo hates me.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, then did it anyway. “Gee, what a surprise. Another person who hates you.”

“Hey, Ukyo used to like me.” For a split second I thought Ranma was going to show a serious emotion, forlorn, maybe, or longing, but instead he got angry, “And they still would if it wasn’t for you. I don’t want them seeing you.”

“Don’t you dare make this my fault.” I hissed at him.

Wait, I think he did manage a serious emotion: panic.“I didn’t mean it like that, I mean they might blame you, and—”

“Sure. I’ll be by the register whenever you think it’s safe to come out.” I marched off with my little basket swinging, thinking that I wouldn’t mind never seeing Ranma again.

But, since I knew that wasn’t going to happen, I wonder if I should have found Ukyo and asked them what they saw in Ranma. They dated for a long time, I think, so there must have been something they liked about him. Maybe I should have asked them what it was, instead of standing there in front of the checkout aisle, getting madder and madder until Ranma finally showed up with the car keys, outstretched a little sheepishly, like he knew he was being an idiot, but was really hoping i wasn’t going to say anything about it.

I didn’t say anything at all.

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass!(5/11)

Last Chapter 

Next Chapter

October

Facebook messenger:

Akane: I think I’m getting somewhere with Ryoga.

Ranma: Should you really be messaging me during class? Don’t you think I might be trying to pay attention?

Akane: You’re playing tetris, like you do every class, because you’re just that lame.

Ranma: And you are somehow taking notes and im-ing me, because you are just THAT lame.

Akane: It’s called multitasking. I’m earning a degree, and breaking off my engagement at the same time.

Ranma: So when is this guy gonna challenge me again? ‘Cause it’s getting too cold for this shit.

Akane: He’s coming along. He’s recovered physically, now I think he needs just another little confidence boost and he’ll be ready to go again.

Akane: I have a plan.

Ranma: I have to make a fool of myself, don’t I?

Akane: No. Just make a mess of your next challenge. Almost lose.

Ranma: You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes.

Akane: You’re right. All I can see is the porn on your tumblr dash.

Ranma: I follow a lot of artists. It’s artistic nudity!!!

Akane: It’s tentabulges, Ranma.

Akane: Grow up and get ready to throw some fights

Genma’s phone———— > Ranma’s phone

Soun and I are coming for the

parent day thing to get my car

back.

                                                                                         Cool. I’ll tell everyone        

                                                                                         you’re my gay uncles.

No, you will not. I was thinking

we could spar. If you win you

get a cheat day.

                                                                                            You’re on.

Kuno’s phone——->Nabiki’s phone

Nabiki Tendo, are you the person

to whom I should submit my

desire to challenge Ranma?

                                                                                       I can tell you’re Kuno

                                                                                       but I have no idea how        

                                                                                       you got this number.

Sister. Has a friend who has a

friend.

Where do I submit?

                                                                                        At my feet.

You keep thr box is there?

                                                                                       Are you okay?

I go my head hit. Mmmask broke.

Remembered I had to tallk to YOU.

                                                                                       Where are you?

Health cenydr cengwe cen

                                                                                    Do you have a concussion?

                                                                                     Kuno?

Kodachi’s Journal:

My only brother!

Twisted as you are

I believed you to be impervious from harm

And guarded against deceit.

But it seems you are as many faced as a hindu god

Yet as weak as a mere mortal.

I have no words for what I’ve seen

or rather i am brimming with unsaid words

But you are deaf to them

(Cause you’re asleep. And I have to sit here at your desk and make sure you can wake up and it’s tedious as fuck and I should really get you to do something for me after this, once you explain why the fuck Nabiki Tendo was the one who told me you had hit your head again. I really can’t figure out how to make a poem about that. I mean, what the fuck? Why was she at the health center, her face all pinched and weird? Then she saw me and she was like, okay, this is everything I know about concussions cause my dad runs a dojo and blah blah blah and I had to sit there for like an hour as she explained everything that the nurse would then spend, like, another hour saying. AND I’VE ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE THIS YEAR. Why does it take so long to say, he needs to rest but not too much? UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH)

My brother is not impervious without his helmet.

Without him I won’t be either.

Nabiki’s phone———->Ranma’s phone

Kuno may have a concussion, but

he wants to duel you.

                                                                                           Again???

I don’t fucking know. Now you’d be

dueling for Akane instead of his

sister’s honor or whatever, right?

                                                                                I mean, he must have a head

                                                                                injury if he wants to take me    .                                                                               again.

Dude…Shut up.

                                                                                            What?

I was scared, okay? Only for a

minute, but I was really

freaked out when he was

texting me gibberish.

Goddamnit, Tatewaki Kuno

is MINE. The only person

who gets to kill him is

ME.

                                                                                       Jesus christ, Nabiki.    .        .                                                                                      And you tell me I should  .                                                                                      get therapy.

You should.

                                                                               Bet we could get a group rate.

From: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Ryoga,

You haven’t written in a while, is everything alright? You’re making friends, right? I mean, you’re not lonely, are you? You aren’t always great at being social. I know. I had to practically drag you out of the library and shove you into that booth at Ronnie’s for our first date. Of course, later, I really loved that unlike a lot of my friends boyfriends, you weren’t a skirt chaser. You never looked at another girl.

I totally botched the Creamfield bake-off. By the time the buzzer went off the only thing that was done was me. Three weeks of perfecting that custard and it didn’t set. The humidity, I suppose. Or maybe it was me. My cooking has gone completely off the rails. I can barely make a proper sponge turn out. It’s like I’ve been cursed.

Of course, this happens from time to time. I just hoe you’re doing better than me.

Best wishes,

Akari.

——I feel like I’m just missing/something whenever you leave/You’ve got all the ingredients/except you needing me

Mousse’s phone——> Shampoo’s phone

Are you really not going to come

home until Thanksgiving break?

                                                                                    Yes.

We’re literally an hour away.

I’ll make the drive.

                                                                Look. I have a boyfriend, and he’s going

                                                                 overseas for winter break, so I have to

                                                                 make the most of our weekends.

You? A boyfriend? That’s

rich.

                                                                                     So’s he. And British.

Oh, yeah, and I’ll never see him

because he’s always in England?

At least I don’t lie to you.

                                                                I’m not lying. I could ask him if he wants

                                                                 to come over for Thanksgiving break.

Sure. When he respectfully

declines you should consider

coming home this weekend.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ryoga, I need you to text this number and say you would love to see us for Thanksgiving break, but you’re going to be in England.

Ryoga: But I won’t be. I have to stay with my mom upstate.

Shampoo: Sure. Say that. Hell, that’s more believable.

Ryoga: Wait, could I stay with you over the break?

Shampoo: No, you have to see your mom, remember? Why wouldn’t you want to see your mom?

Ryoga: We’ve never been close. Not in a bad way, she’s just never around. I don’t really know her.

Shampoo: Didn’t you come here to be closer to her? This is your chance!

Ryoga: Actually, I came here because…I don’t know. I was looking at college applications and Akari wanted us to go together, and I love Akari, but…

Shampoo: But you needed to bond with your mother!

Ryoga: No, I was thinking about how, when I was a kid my parents dragged me from here to kingdom come because of their jobs. Then they split and my dad took me to England. Then one day this girl kind of decided I was her boyfriend, and then she wanted to decide the rest of my life.

Ryoga: I felt like I had never chosen anything for myself. So I made the craziest decision I could. A choice no one would have made for me. That’s why I’m here.

Shampoo: Touching, riveting stuff, Ry-Ry. Really. You should write a book.

Shampoo: TEXT THE NUMBER.

To: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

Of course there aren’t any other girls [deleted].

Akari, I would never cheat on you. I know you were being a little flippant in your last e-mail, but I’m serious. There are pretty girls here, of course. There are pretty girls from the end of Africa to the tip of Antartica, but I would never touch a single one if I was dating someone else.

I’m sorry to hear about the bake off. Maybe you should make something you never make so that even if it isn’t perfect you won’t be able to tell.

There was a lot of excitement here today. Long story short, one of my friends and her boyfriend [deleted] friend [deleted] and my roommate got thrown in a pond. It was terrifying. Everyone thought they were going to die, or catch pneumonia and then die.

I’ll tell you the whole story when we see each other over winter break. Sorry I won’t be home for the Thanksgiving break they’re giving us (can you imagine?) I want to spend it with my mom. We’ve really been getting on together.

See you soon

Ryoga

Akane’s Diary:

Today was…not a good day.

You’d think a day that ends curled up writing in your diary with someone’s head in your lap would be pretty decent, but so far this is the nicest thing that has happened.

Well, that and the fact that there were crepes at breakfast. You know how in Catcher in the Rye the school always served them steak before the parents showed up, so that if their parents asked what they had eaten for dinner last night they would say steak? Well damnit if it isn’t true. The food was fantastic today: roasted potatoes and cheesecake and chicken tenders and a beef roast. And a crepe bar.

It would have tasted a lot better if I hadn’t been panicking the entire time dad and Nabiki and I were eating lunch. Kuno and Ranma were going to duel at 1:45 (Kuno figured it was when the dining hall would be the most packed so no parents would catch them), and I had to make sure Ryoga showed up and saw Ranma slipping. I wonder if Kuno arranged for the duel to be today because he knew his father would be busy?

Anyway. So I’m sitting there wolfing down my potatoes and half listening to my dad tell me about how things are back home, when Genma Saotome plopped down at our table.

Plopped is not the right word for it. Genma is explosive. He plunks down, tossing his keys onto the table, where they smack into and almost topple my milk glass, then throws one arm over the back of his chair and places the other on the table, taking up as much space as humanly possible before he says, “ ‘Kane, do you know where Ranma is?”

I keep eating. Genma never figured out my deadname, or doesn’t remember it, or maybe just says ‘Kane because he thinks it will get a bigger rise out of me. I don’t know. But I don’t dignify taunts with a response.

Nabiki stabbed a bit of her roast and said, “I can’t imagine why you think Akane would know.”

“My car keys were on his bed-do any of you lock your doors?-but I can’t find him. I’ve been texting him and he knew we were coming, so he must be hiding.” Then Genma laughed that awful laugh of his. Super loud, but grating instead of infectious like a good loud laugh should be. “Scared to take on his old man. Can you imagine?”

“I’m sorry, dad,” I said, standing up and pushing my chair in, “Can you hang out with Nabiki for a bit? I told a friend of mine I would help him study.”

“Didn’t you just finish midterms?” My dad said with a sip of milk, “I thought that was why this was scheduled for today, so you wouldn’t be too worried about class.”

“Yeah, he thinks he really fucked up, so we were going to go over some stuff to calm him down. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

My dad shrugged. I call him pretty regularly, so it wasn’t like we had a ton of catching up to do. I think he really came to get Genma’s car back and seeing Nabiki and I was just a bonus. “Alright. I’ll be with Nabiki till dinner, then I’m leaving.”

Nabiki made an interesting face, which may have had something to do with all the contraband in her room, but I couldn’t help her. I had to run down to Ryoga’s room and tell him to watch the duel today.

“Isn’t this a re-run?” Ryoga asked, without looking up from his computer.

“That’s why I want to see it. I’ve heard Kuno intends to win this time.”

“Good for him.”

Obviously Ryoga did not see this as the rematch of the century, so I changed tracks. “Please do this with me, I need some time away from Ranma’s father.”

That got his attention. “Ranma’s father?”

“Yeah. He came down with my dad and is stuck to his side and he’s-“ I made vague hand gestures. I mean, there are words for Genma Saotome, but they are best barked in German, not whined in English.

Ryoga shrugged and stretched and looked around for his jacket. “I guess if you need a break that bad…This won’t take long right?”

“Nope.” I said, although I assumed it would be longer than the last couple of duels. If Ranma was going to fuck around and almost lose it would probably take a while to put on a good show.

Then again, I feel like Ranma has been dealing with these fights faster and faster the colder it gets. He does not like shivering.

We get to the expected spot by the lake and Ranma and Kuno are there, and they’ve decided to wait until two to start, since a lot of people apparently wanted to come to this one. I don’t know how Nabiki gets the word out about these things, but she sure does a good job of it.

Ranma kept checking the clock on his phone, then regretting it and stuffing his fingers back into his pockets.

Ryoga asked me if I was cold like five times, but I was staying warm making faces at Ranma, trying to convey how badly I wanted them to JUST START ALREADY. Ranma says I looked like I was trying not to sneeze.

Finally it was either two or Ranma was really sick of waiting, because he asked for someone to count down from three.

“Should only one of you have a sword?” I said before anyone could start counting.

Ranma gave me a cocky grin. “I can handle him, and his wood. Count us in, darlin’.”

Considering what happened later I feel pretty stupid for blushing at that.

As soon as I said ‘three’, Kuno lunged. He is not a subtle fighter. He refused to go on the defensive. To be fair, his sword did give him a much bigger reach, but it also gave Ranma some time to play up how weak he had gotten. He was slow and wobbly, barely dodging Kuno’s swings, and when he jumped out of the way he couldn’t stick his landings. He didn’t even try to attack, as though Kuno was too fast for him.

“Is he hungover again?” Ryoga whispered to me.

“I don’t think he’s been training.” I whispered back. It was hard to keep a straight face as I said that. I would bet my sister-hell, both of them-on Ranma running, stretching, and lifting weights everyday. Ranma doesn’t do cheat days, and he does not skip leg day.

But he was putting on a good performance, staying just ahead of Kuno, but close enough that even I thought he might lose.

Which meant Kuno thought that too, so he got even more reckless, and in one ill-timed swing and a well timed kick, he was down for the count.

“Goddamnit,” He said as he got up off the ground, “I came here to defend Miss Tendo’s honor. I think of her—“

“Is that the best you can do?”

I froze. Not that I wanted to hear Kuno talk about my porcelain flower or whatever weird metaphor he was about to get into, but I’d take him over Genma Saotome any day.

“Run home to mommy, you fucking pansy.” Genma said to Kuno as he took Kuno’s place in the center of the unofficial ring.

Kuno looked shocked. I don’t think anyone has ever taken that tone with him. Sneering and cruel. Even Nabiki can’t talk like that, like her words are made of splinters.

Kuno drew himself up to his full height. “I take unction at your tone-“ He looked Genma up and down, and made his distain clear before he graciously added, “-sir.”

“And I take unction at you still being in my ring.” Genma went to shove Kuno and Kuno dodged, just as Genma knew he would. Kuno took a sharp kick to the stomach, and though he walked out of the ring with his head held high, he had a look on his face that said he would much rather have doubled over.

“You see?” Genma said, turning to Ranma. “That’s how you deal with a guy like that. None of this wobbling all over the place. Who trained you, kid? ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“Who the hell are you?!” Ryoga yelled, pretty freaked out.

Genma glared at him. “Genma Saotome. I thought I was Ranma’s teacher, but he clearly hasn’t learned jack shit.” He looked from me to Ryoga and smirked, “This the friend you were helping, Akane?”

“How did you even get here?”

He shrugged. “Heard some kids talking about a duel. I figured Ranma would be around.” He turned to address the crowd at large. “Shows over, by the way. Ranma and I have some family business to settle, so I suggest you all move along.”

I don’t think anyone wanted to be around Genma a minute longer than they had to. I actually had to grab Ryoga’s coat to keep him still. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could see Ranma over Genma’s shoulder, stock still, head down, centering himself. He was preparing for a serious fight. I wasn’t about to leave him alone in it.

Genma saw we weren’t leaving and decided to ignore us. “Might as well have you count us in,” He grunted at me. He took off his coat and tossed it to the side. The man is getting into his fifties, but he is still packed with muscle you can see right through his shirt.

I counted them in, but after I finished they just circled each other. They went around and around, waiting for the first move.

I don’t want to write what happened after that. I’m a little queasy just remembering it. I had thought for a minute that it would be like when my dad and I sparred. Fun and fast, me showboating a little and desperately looking for the upper hand as my father carefully blocked me and sent quick hits my way. My dad’s always gone easy on me—no, my dad always protected me. He could have thrashed me soundly, but he didn’t, because what kind of a sick fuck would do that to their own kid?

Not that Ranma wasn’t giving as good as he got, mind you. He’s been training with his dad his whole life. Still, every time his dad landed a hit I would gasp and grab Ryoga’s sleeve. Genma may have taught Ranma how to dodge, but he’s not as good at taking a punch, and Genma played to that.

I don’t know why my stomach clenched every time Ranma got hit. Maybe it was because it was his dad, and there is something about watching someone’s parents beat them up that makes me viscerally ill. Maybe it’s because I used to be scared of my dad. Not that he had ever threatened me, but, well, Genma’s the worst, but judging by the people dad used to hang out with, he wasn’t always the nicest person, either. There was no telling what he was going to do when I came out.

He cried. It was the last thing I was expecting. Questions, I think. Shock and a long string of questions.

Instead he burst into tears and kept talking about my mom. He didn’t make a lot of sense, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I poured a bowl of potato chips and cracked open a beer for him. Kasumi usually cooks when people are sad, but that’s about the extent of my culinary skills.

Anyway, at some point my dad calmed down a little and said, “I’m sorry, Akane. When you have kids all you want for them is the best life possible. Then their mothers pass away, and they tell you things like that, and you know their lives are going to be that much harder.”

So I said, “You know, by you being okay with this you’re making my life a lot easier already, right?” and we shared a smile, and for a minute there I felt really good, like everything was going to work out.

I don’t know what Genma said when Ranma came out to him, but for some reason while they fought I started trying to imagine it. Every scenario I came up with made me madder and madder. Chest shaking, vision blurring mad. Rage. I wanted to plough my fists into his chest. I wanted to crack his skull like a cinder block.

That was when Ranma bounced off a tree and flew towards his father. It would have doubled his power if he’d actually hit his dad, but a move like that gave Genma plenty of time to react.

Genma threw Ranma into the lake.

I screamed.

Both Ryoga and Genma jumped.

I think I was screaming words?

Genma blocked as I ran past him.

You ever jumped into a half-frozen pond? Rage can’t keep you warm in there. I swear my heart stopped for a minute. By that point Ryoga was screaming too. Although he was screaming my name and telling me to stop and that he would call security or whatever.

I can’t swim, but I can tread water a little, and that’s all you really need to drag a guy out of a shallow lake.

For a minute Ranma lay on the shore and I kneeled there, shaking and gasping, and thinking, At least if I throw up it’ll be warm.

“We have to get you in a hot shower,” Ryoga said as he tried to pull me to my feet.

“Blankets,” I gasped. My chest was doing that awful thing where you shiver right down to your spine, causing your ribs to vibrate against each other. “A hot shower could put us into shock.”

“Is that what’s happening to Ranma?”

Ranma didn’t look good, but aside from his lips being blue, he didn’t look bad, either. Just dazed. He waved a hand limply and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but his teeth just chattered so loudly it seemed theatrical. A skull shouldn’t make that noise unless someone is clacking it’s jaw together and reciting shakespeare.

Ryoga helped him up and the three of us staggered to the closest dorm, which was Ryoga and Ranma’s.

Once we were in their room I told Ryoga to go get the pile of blankets on top of my dresser, and tell Nabiki and dad what had happened.

By the time he left the room Ranma had his shirt off and was fumbling with the edge of his binder. Between his numb fingers and the water plastering it to his skin I was the one who had to wrestle it off of him. While Ranma rummaged around for another clean shirt I stripped off my tights, and discarded them next to his binder.

“Do you have a shirt I could wear?” I whispered. The last thing you would expect ice water to affect is your voice, but it closes off your throat like a fist.

Ranma didn’t say anything. He went over to his closet and dragged a big flannel robe off the top shelf.

For a few minutes it felt like a locker room after pe in highschool, both of us carefully moving around each other and pointedly not looking at anything in particular. Except instead of heading off to biology we had to sit there on Ranma’s bed, waiting for Ryoga to come back with all my stuff.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Ranma said as he wrung his hair out in a scratchy white towel.

“I thought your heart might have stopped or something.”

“It wasn’t that cold.”

“I guess.”

I toyed with a loose thread on the robe. I was also wrapped in the comforter off Ryoga’s bed, but underneath my skin still felt cold and clammy where it overlapped.

“Where’d you pick up that blanket thing?” Ranma asked, passing me the towel. “I thought for hypothermia you were supposed to get naked and share body heat.”

I snorted. “Sure, Ranma, but I don’t have a pile of pretty naked people on my dresser.”

“You could if you wanted to.” Ranma said with a wink. I would have laughed if the wink hadn’t made him wince.

“Did he have to hit your face?” I said, softly, as though that would make it less awful.

Ranma touched the spot where he would soon have a shiner. “Well, yeah. I left it open.”

I wanted to scream for a second. Tell him that was the worst thing I had ever heard, but what could he have said? Like it was his fault his father was disgusting.

“Stand up.” Ranma said, and I got off the bed. He gently took Ryoga’s comforter from me and spread it over his bed. Then he climbed back into the bed and scooted over so there was room for me to join him.

I stood there for a minute, weighing the desire to be warm against my desire for things to not be even more awkward, when Ryoga returned with the blankets, my clothes, and my family. He also had this book. I had forgotten I shoved it between the folds of the blankets till it fell out as he unfolded one.

Nabiki immediately ran over and cradled my face in her hands, demanding to know what had happened. I told her while dad checked Ranma and started layering him with blankets. By the time he was done all that stuck out was Ranma’s hair. With all those blankets on top of him, and his hair half red and half black with his roots coming in, my bed looked like we were putting on a production of  the Princess and the Chile Pepper.

Then dad made me get in the bed and worried over us for a little longer, asking if we needed anything, if we were getting warmer, until he had to go get dinner and go home. He kissed us both on the forehead like we were sick kids. Which I guess we were.

Nabiki promised that she would make sure we were okay, and saw him out. On the way they bumbped into Kodachi Kuno of all people, who showed up with two plates full of food from the dining hall. She was all blushey and stuttery, and it was kind of adorable.

Maybe Ranma will go out with her someday. It might be cute.

Don’t tell Ranma, but he’s kind of cute when he sleeps. He doesn’t look like he’s about to start a fight. Slack-jawed and innocent, like everyone else.

Right now I’m sitting up in bed with Ranma’s head on my thigh, and Ryoga typing something at his desk. It’s not just warm, it’s downright cozy in here. I’m probably going to fall asleep like this, because I am far too comfortable to move.

Although lying down would mean moving Ranma’s head.

I’d have to touch it.

I bet his hair is really soft.

No, wait, it got bleached to put the red in.

(It’s really soft).

Ryoga’s phone——->Mousse’s phone

Hey, it’s Ryoga. I’m coming

over with Shampoo for

Thanksgiving. How is that

going to work? Are you

going to pick us up? what

time? Where?

                                                             Who is this? How do you

                                                             know Shampoo?

Well, we met cause I’m

friends with her room

mate.

                                                             Are you the boyfriend she

                                                             was talking about?

Sure. Why not.

                                                             Shampoo’s grandmother will

                                                             be horrified. Let me ask her

                                                             what she thinks.

Mousse’s phone——-> Grandmother’s phone

Grandmother, Shampoo

wants to bring a boy

home for Thanksgiving

break!!!

                                                               How nice. I’d love to see what kind

                                                               of boy could capture her heart.

                                                               Wild as a horse, fickle as a cat.

                                                               Let’s see the man who’d propose

                                                               to tame her.

Grandmother, it’s disgust-

ing!!! They may be having

sex! They might have it

under your roof!!!

                                                              Easy on the exclamation points, son.

                                                              I wouldn’t mind some great

                                                              grandchildren!

                                                              Now stop texting and get back here.

                                                              This lemon chicken won’t deliver itself!

Mousse’s phone——->Ryoga’s phone.

Lot outside the girls dorm,

Friday, four pm. Don’t be

late. I will leave without

you.

A small white spiral bound notebook with ‘Ranma Saotome’ written along the top edge of the cover in block letters with a black sharpie.

I always thought diaries were just plot devices, but Akane actually keeps one and she’s a lot better adjusted than me, so I thought I’d try it for a while.

I’ve never slept with a girl before. Ukyo and I had sex, but that was always in the middle of the afternoon, or in a parked car, or whatever. We never slept with each other.

I guess what I’m really thinking about is that I woke up with a girl. It was weird. I didn’t see Akane the second I woke up. I was staring at the ceiling, one leg and like twenty blankets hanging over the edge of the bed. I was trying to remember the dream I’d been having or some other dumb shit like that, and then I turned over and was nose to nose with Akane.

She looked different with her hair all messed up and pillow creases on her face. She’s usually perfect. Hair tucked back, just a teeny bit of make up, pressed dress. She looked kind of funny drooling on my pillow.

Then she woke up and I freaked out. I mean, all I did was freeze up, but I was sure she was about to scream at me or something.

She smiled. This big, goony smile, like she’d just buried her face in a dog’s belly or had a sip of sweet, creamy, hot chocolate.

“Hey.” She whispered.

“Hey.”

She has huge eyes. Huge and dark with super long lashes.

“You feel okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. You?”

She stretched her arms over the head, pressing her palms against the wall. Then she went back to smiling. “I feel way too relaxed. I have like two essays due this week.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah. We’re taking the same classes.”

I think I blushed. My face definitely got warmer. I’m a fucking idiot.

“Ranma,” Akane said, and the way she was looking at me was soft and intense at once. Cow eyes? I don’t know. Like a soap opera. I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant, or maybe start crying.

She touched my face. The crest of bone just under my eye. I’m not sure what the word is for something like that. Intimate, maybe. It felt like the most intimate I had ever been with someone.

Then she broke it. Whatever that moment was. She sat up and stretched again, and said, “I should really get to the library and start on that Ottoman essay. I hate research essays. I can never get good sources.” She climbed over me and started gathering up all her stuff. Including a little black book.

“Is that your diary?” I asked, because for some reason I needed to keep talking.

She frowned and shoved it under her coat. “It’s nothing. Make sure Ryoga doesn’t forget my quilts when he comes over.”

Then she left. I’m sure it was a diary, so I figured I would try writing stuff down too and dug out this notebook.

I think this top blanket here is homemade. I think most of these are. They look knit or crochet or something. I wonder if Kasumi made them.

Well. I wrote everything down and I still feel as crazy as ever. I’m gonna go for a run. That always does the trick.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: I JUST GOT MY COSTUME!!!!

Ukyo: Cool. I’m in class.

Shampoo: I LOOK SO GOOD!!! THERE’S THIS HUGE PARTY AT SOMEONE’S HOUSE OFF CAMPUS. YOU, ME, BANGING COSTUMES, DRINKS, DANCING, BOYS? GIRLS? INSANITY!!!

Ukyo: I did bring my costume from last year…

Shampoo: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

Shampoo: Should I invite Ryoga?

Ukyo: I think he’d like that

Ukyo: But he has to wear a costume. Tell him it’s mandatory!

Facebook messenger, Royga:

Shampoo: PARTY!!! YOU ME UKYO DRINKS DANCING MAKING OUT!!!

Ryoga: When?!!

Shampoo: HALLOWEEN! YOU NEED A COSTUME!

Ryoga: Shit. Where would I get a costume?

Shampoo: Oh, baby, do I have you covered.

Ryoga: Can I bring Akane?

Ryoga: Wait, can I do the masked man thing?

Shampoo: You’ll have a mask alright.

Ryoga: No, I mean, the thing where we meet at a party and she doesn’t recognize me and I talk to her and she falls in love with me, and the next day I reveal myself!

Ryoga: This is brilliant! Shampoo, thank you so much!!!

Shampoo: wut.

Shampoo: Nm, you are going to look so hot in this costume you probably will score with Akane.

Kodachi’s Journal

All Hallows Eve

The most wretched of days

When man’s sins run amuck

Lust in the corner with the slutty nurses,

Gluttony lurking by the candy bowl,

Sloth hidden in the cheap hoodies and ski masks

Pride catching on the sequins and cardboard

Of those most fanciful designs

Envy trailing just behind them

Greed stretched across the faces of those

Who would make a quick buck

On shoddy material and cheap sugar

And wrath

Anywhere you don’t expect

Waiting to spring out at you

On the only night of the year when a murder in a ally

Might be performance art

I’m staying in my room,

Windows barred

Poker drawn

Netflix blazing.

Ranma’s Diary

I’m so glad I threw together a costume this year.

There was this really big party, which Kuno of all people clued me in on, cause he was eating breakfast with his sister, and they were talking about how neither of them wanted to go to this big party (although once I got there…well, that’s none of my business), so I asked around and kicked my costume making into high gear.

I had a cape. It was rad.

I don’t regret the costume, but I’m not sure how I feel about how I acted. Bad. But what kind of bad?

Okay, lemme unpack this.

I go to the party. It’s intense. Huge house, filled to the brim with loud, angry, horny, sweaty college students, most of them wearing masks. You walk inside and you get a contact high. I danced for a while, found some people I see at the gym a lot, and that really cool guy who is probably keeping me from failing math, but then I thought, ‘I need a real buzz’, and even I wouldn’t blame myself for having a few sips at a party like this.

Cause I wasn’t Ranma Saotome who has to watch his weight and stay hydrated.

Nah. I was BATMAN.

So I get a beer, and as I’m opening it I bump into someone, and it’s Zelda. And who hasn’t wanted to hit on Zelda? So she says, “Can you grab me one?” and I pass her the already open beer and say, “As you wish my liege,” except I said it in a batman voice.

And do you know what she fucking says?

She laughs and says, “I love that voice.”

“Oh really?” Which is lame, but I said it in the voice, so it was all good.

“Yeah,” And she looks at her beer, and then takes a swig, and I can tell she’s a little embarrassed but she says this anyway, she says, “Batman is really sexy. Not like I want to marry him and deal with his issues, but, I get why Catwoman is always throwing him up against walls.”

Which meant she was calling me sexy.

So I say, “Don’t you think Link might get a little suspicious when the heir to the throne has black hair?”

And I thought she would say something about at least pointy ears running in the family, but instead she got a little closer and said, “I think Link’s busy banging that Zora girl.”

And I said, “Good, because his princess is going to be in another bedroom.”

Which is when she shoved me a little, you know, playfully, and said, “Slow down. Let her majesty finish her beer first.”

When she shoved me I could feel how strong she was. Like, it was probably a challenge for her to not knock me into the drink table. Fuck that was hot.

So we go into the kitchen and talk, me still totally doing my batman voice because I am not about to drop a good thing when I have it. She was pretty cool. We didn’t talk about much, just school, and video games, and comics, which was all in between me flirting with her as hard as I could.

Then she finished her beer, and she put it down very slowly and she said, “There is a trampoline out back, but no one is out there because they think it’s too cold.

Like many college boys, I would gladly freeze my nads off to kiss Zelda.

So we go outside, and there was some light from the stars and the kitchen windows, but where the trampoline is it was pretty dark. We bounced onto it, and kind of rolled around a little before we got into a good kissing position, with her on top and my mask shoved up to the top of my head, and we got a lot of short, stuttery, laughing kisses, and it was great

For like five seconds, before I smelled it.

I mean, there was the weird rubber plastic smell of the trampoline, and me, and my sweat, and the rubber of my mask, and the cheap fabric smell of at least one of our costumes, but then her hair slipped out from under her wig, releasing the scent of her perfume and shampoo. Something in my brain short circuited and I was back on Akane’s bed with ten quilts on top of me, instead of on a trampoline with Akane on top of me.

I keep thinking I should have known somehow. Even with the wig and the make up and yelling over the music, some part of me should have known I was talking to Akane before I was tongue deep in her.

So then I panicked and shoved her off of me, and for a second she was lying there on the trampoline, and I was sitting up panting, because what the fuck had I done?, and she said, “Are you alright?” and it was so exactly her voice, it was so so obviously her, because who else could sound that worried about some rando she was making out with on a trampoline?

I ran. Tore through the garden, jumped a fence, and I was gone.

I can’t tell her. Maybe she doesn’t hate me as much as she used to, but this would just bring all those shitty memories roaring back, right? She would be pissed and betrayed, and no matter what I said about me having no idea until that second, she would never believe me.

Okay, so that’s decided. I just won’t tell her about it and it’ll be like it never happened.

Ranma, that is a great plan.

Latest post from fuckboisgetmoney.tumblr.com

A picture of Nabiki’s legs in sheer black pantyhose and sky high red heels. The picture ends just as the curve of her thigh becomes her ass, and there are some huge pink feathers curling over the top of her thigh.

#her name was lola…. #I still love this costume

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. A selfie of Ukyo in an Ichigo costume, with five more pictures of her huge replicas of Ichigo’s two swords. #shit you can’t get away with in highschool!

4. A neon colored deluge of artfully arranged candy wrappers

3. A photo of Shampoo looking adorable as Sailor moon in her “by the power of the moon” pose. Then another of her leaning against her bed, boots sprawled out in front of her, looking far more relaxed than Usigai ever did.

2. A picture of Shampoo putting her hair up in sailor moon buns. Her hair has already been parted and now she has gathered half of it in her hand, strands spilling out between her fingers. Only half her makeup is on. Red lipstick, but naked lids. You can just see the bright orange cover of Ukyo’s phone reflected in the mirror she’s using.

1. Read more

———————————————————————————————-

I think that was the most….eventful Halloween I’ve ever had.

It was a really cool party, and some guy asked me if I knew knife tricks, and fuck if I’m bringing TWO swords to a party and not knowing any tricks. I was having a really good time, and drinking mildly spiked soda, so I had a little buzz, I had a little sugar rush—and that was when I saw him.

Tuxedo Mask.

He was leaned up against the kitchen doorway, and he could not have looked more perfect if he tried. I went right up to him, stuck a sword in his face and said, “You have to meet my friend.”

Even Tuxedo Mask doesn’t argue when Ichigo Kurosaki has him at knifepoint. I mean, Ichigo is totally winning that fight.

I must have dragged that guy over the whole house, but we could not find Shampoo. He was getting more and more impatient, but I kept insisting that he had to meet my friend.

Then we were in the backyard. Just us and some dark shapes, and the flickering lights from the kitchen.

“Was this a joke?” Tuxedo Mask asked me.

I think a lot of things happened at once. Running all over the house caused my sugar high to crash, and I think I’m a weepy drunk, and I felt so stupid. I saw this guy and suddenly I’m writing a romance novel in my head. Like he and Shampoo were going to see each other, their eyes would meet, and they would fall madly in love. It just seemed so perfect.

I’m such an idiot. I had thought that for some reason Halloween could make love real, but something like love isn’t going to start existing because of matching costumes.

I started crying, and I think that freaked Tuxedo Mask out a bit.

“I’m sorry!” I blubbered. “I swear my friend was here dressed as Sailor Moon!” and then I think I said that stuff I just wrote about love and halloween.

Instead of running for the hills, which I would have understood at that point, Tuxedo Mask said, “How can you not believe in love?” Which was properly Tuxedo Mask-y, but not what I wanted to hear.

“Love isn’t something worth believing in.” I snapped.

“But it’s apparently worth grabbing strangers at parties. I don’t know how long you’ve known this girl, but already you seem to love her very much.”

That made me stop crying for a minute. I squinted at him, trying to see past his mask and the shadows of the backyard. I hadn’t noticed before, but he wasn’t wearing a domino, like the real tuxedo mask. His mask covered almost everything but his mouth.

He gave me the hanky from his pocket, and patted my head, like he wasn’t sure how to comfort humans. That thought made me laugh, and then his hand slipped a little and cradled the back of my skull. The atmosphere between us shifted. It wasn’t romantic or sexual. It was that feeling when someone touches you at a spot where your skin is stretched thin over your bones and your body asks you if you should smash their skull in before they get yours, or if you can relax.

I relaxed.

It was so comforting I almost forgot all that stuff about love and destiny. Right then it just felt good to have a cool breeze on my tear tracks and a kind person touching me.

Tuxedo Mask smiled, and swept towards the kitchen door, saying, “I see my job here is done.”

It took me a minute to get it, but I yelled before he went back inside, “You didn’t do anything!”

I hadn’t stopped laughing when Shampoo found me.

To: TKuno

From: NabikiTendo

Thought you might like to look at these before I send them to the dean. Do you think I should edit them a little or just send them as is?

Attachment: Two photos. One of Kuno, who is clearly himself, even in a loose kimono and face paint that makes him look like an opera mask. He’s in a poorly lit dining room, standing in front of a beer pong game, although it’s not clear if he’s playing or not.

The next one has Nabiki sitting on his lap in a showgirl outfit that is mostly feathers and a leotard. His paint is a little smeared, and he looks like he would fall over if the chair he was sitting on didn’t have a back. He doesn’t have an arm around Nabiki’s back, as courtesy would demand since she is sitting sideways, because he is holding both her drink and his own. Quite enough evidence for the kendo team to cut him for failing to adhere to the guidelines of the club.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What do I have to pay you?

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

You don’t. I will release these photos whenever I see fit.

You’re paying back my sister in fear and stress and wondering when your life will be ruined.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What did I ever do to your sister? Didn’t I fight for her honor recently.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

If you hadn’t gone prying into my sister’s life she never would have been forced out of the closet.

Stew on that while you wonder if I’ve already sent the photos to your father.

P.S. I can’t believe you thought I didn’t recognize you. You deserve it all for falling for that ‘do you work out?’ line.

MY DIARY:

Dear Diary,

Today I did something I am deeply ashamed of.

I went to Nabiki Tendo on my hands and knees and begged.

I have never felt less dignified in my life than I did, my nose not one inch from the worn linoleum of her floor, breathing the scent of fear and regret (which was remarkably similar to fruity perfume and sweaty feet).

“Kuno, babe,” She said, drawing the word out like she was a gangster from an old movie, “There is nothing you could give me that I want more than this.”

“Please, Nabiki Tendo,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, only to see her silhouette against the fluorescent light, “Do not take kendo from me. It has given me everything.”

She shrugged, “You did this to yourself.”

Which is shamefully true. I did go to a party and partake in alcoholic beverages underage, of my own volition.

And, what Nabiki Tendo doesn’t know, is that this is was a ritual of mine. It is the one night of the year I do foolish things. I drink, and I speak in a throughly ungentlemanly way to young women, although I try to refrain from being a lout, and I get to pretend I am one of the great samurais from my dramas.

For the last three years it has been the perfect way to relax and resist doing something even more foolish.

I got cocky. That is all I can say. I saw Nabiki Tendo, and I panicked, of course, but when she did not seem to recognize me I fell right into her trap. I thought it would be my little secret. Whenever Nabiki Tendo berated me I could think, ‘Ah, but little do you know that you once sat in my lap and pressed your cleavage into my chin with a gusto I have never known before’. The cleavage part is still true, but I am too concerned about losing my scholarship, status, friends, and the codes I live for to enjoy it.

“There must be something I can offer you.” I tried, once more, “I would run around campus naked, I would destroy your  enemies, I would give my father a dressing down in front of the entire school. Please do not do this to me.”

Nabiki Tendo was sitting in the swivel chair at her desk as I knelt before her, and she swiveled to the side so she could place her ankle on my shoulder. Her toes are absurdly long and painted devil red. The woman is related to demons, mark my words.

“All I want is to see you doing this for a little while. Then, whenever I get bored, I’ll send the pictures in. I mean, you can come in here every night and do this whole spiel, and whenever I get tired of it you can do it for your dad.”

At that I rose swiftly and dramatically, an action whose drama was somewhat lessened by the fact that it threw Nabiki Tendo backwards and she smacked her head against the wall and I had to make sure she was alright before I could continue. (Take it from a man who has sustained many, head injuries are no joke).

“I see you leave me no choice, Nabiki Tendo, since you will not accept my offer of a fair trade, I will have to create an unfair one.”

“The fuck does that mean?” She said as I turned on my heel to leave, sounding utterly uninterested in my threat.

“It means,” I replied over my shoulder, “That I shall have to find something horrible about you and create mutually assured destruction.”

Nabiki Tendo snorted and turned back to her computer. Her parting words to me were, “Using cold war terms won’t make you any scarier, buddy.”

Now I must do something even more shameful than groveling at Nabiki Tendo’s feet: I must find out something about her that is so awful she will give me those photos back in the hopes that my knowledge will never being released to the public. This is not the sort of errand I ever wished to dirty my hands with, but now it is the only thing to be done.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: You never told me how Halloween went. Did you get to seduce Akane Masked Man Style?

Ryoga: No. I never told you because it didn’t work out like I’d hoped. I did see Akane, but she seemed distracted, and since I couldn’t tell her who I was she got bored with me and left.

Shampoo: :( Boo. I was really rooting for you guys. Guess there’s nothing left to do but ASK HER OUT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Ryoga: You do not get to yell at me—you encouraged me! Also, YOU ARE CONSIDERING PROPOSITIONING YOUR ROOMMATE, SOMETHING WHICH NEVER ENDS WELL!!!

Shampoo: I am not! I mean, I would ask her on a date LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, but she doesn’t do dating anymore. After one bad breakup! I broke up with a guy I was young and stupid enough to think I was in love with, and yeah, he’s still hanging around, and yeah, I’m going to have to spend most of Thanksgiving break with him, but, like, I moved on.

Ryoga: How bad was it?

Shampoo: It wasn’t bad. Just stupid. It was really stupid. We were dating, like, our whole lives. I don’t know why. It was one of those marriage proposals on the playground things, and I never started to dislike Mousse or feel like we were growing apart, or like being without him would be better than being with him, but we were in our senior year and he basically said, “When do you think we’ll get married?” and I realized that all I ever wanted Mousse to be was some guy I dated in high school.

Shampoo: So I dumped him.

Ryoga: Okay, so, basically, it was nothing like what happened to Ukyo, yet you’re comparing it to what happened to Ukyo.

Shampoo: Okay, it wasn’t the same thing, but it wasn’t a clean break, either. You’ve had a rough breakup before, right?

Ryoga: No, but I’m probably due.

Shampoo: Well, trust me, a bad breakup does not suddenly make you aromantic or asexual. It may make you wish you were, but it doesn’t, and Ukyo needs to understand that she isn’t automatically going to get hurt because she puts herself out there again.

Ryoga: Would you care this much if you weren’t interested in her?

Shampoo: She is a wonderful person, and she is doing the world a disservice by acting like she murdered love and must forever repent for her sin.

Ryoga: She would not like that analogy.

Shampoo: Tell me you haven’t noticed how pretty she is. Or how nice or sweet or funny.

Ryoga: She is very sweet. She has a nice neck when she puts her hair up.

Shampoo: Very random compliment, but I’m glad you understand.

Ryoga: Careful, you don’t want me turning into your competition.

Shampoo: Don’t get greedy pretty boy, I know you’re already trying to juggle two girls at once.

Ryoga: 1. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??!! 2. Do you really think I’m pretty?

Shampoo: Dude, we’re friends on facebook. I got a ‘you have a mutual friend’ notification, and you may have scrubbed your profile, but your girlfriend sure didn’t.

Shampoo: Also, obviously you’re pretty. Although I should probably be calling you dirty boy, or pig boy or something, since you think you can have all the girls.

Ryoga: Oh, god, please don’t tell Akari. I’ve been meaning to, the time just hasn’t been right.

Shampoo: Not that I actually want to be involved, but what you should really be worried about is me telling Akane.

Akane’s Diary

Do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate, do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate do not watch the dark knight trilogy bec

To be fair, I’m mostly bored. Everyone is exhausted, because if they’re not worrying about finals they’re still burnt out after Halloween. Meanwhile I’ve got all my homework done, and it’s just not worth it to freak out about finals before Thanksgiving break. Refusing to worry about finals until it’s over is what Thanksgiving break is for.

Still, I shouldn’t go looking at everything batman related like that’s going to bring this guy back, or explain what the fuck happened.

He was nice. Like, he recognized the absurdity of making out on a trampoline, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying really, really hard. That was sweet, that earnestness.

I don’t know. I spent like an hour with him. It’s stupid, building him up as this perfect guy, but I can’t help it. I know he was fun to talk to, and even with my Zelda armor digging into my shoulders I felt comfortable with him, but because I know nothing about him I can fill in the gaps with whatever I want. I can pretend he’s an only child, and he won’t freak out when I tell him I’m trans, and he likes the idea of being married and having kids, but probably only two, because he understands I think it’s good for a kid to have a sibling, but two is plenty, and….

See? Too easy.

Maybe he’s in a relationship and a wave of guilt hit him.

Or maybe he remembered he had to feed his cat.

Or maybe he had an anxiety attack.

Or maybe I’m going to watch the dark knight trilogy because between that and thinking about this guy all night I should probably chose the option that’s easier on my sanity.

From TKuno

To: Dean

Sir, as one of your students I would like to bring to your attention that another student, Nabiki Tendo, has been selling contraband out of her dorm room and has probably made thousands selling alcohol and other drugs to minors.

Sincerely,

Tatewaki Kuno.

From Dean

To TKuno

Kuno, why did you put this in a email? Is this a prank? Nabiki Tendo has been accused of this several times before, but her room has never turned up any contraband materials, nor has anyone every given us any proof that she sells contraband.

You wouldn’t be trying to harm another student for some petty reason, would you?

From Tkuno

To Dean

I’m sorry, that was foolish of me. I know that Nabiki Tendo is not the sort of person who would be caught doing things like that. I was being thoughtless. I will consider my words more carefully next time.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Is it true that you can compile an account of another person’s life for a fair price?

From Ghostunkugi

To TKuno

All social media accounts, anything on public record related to them in anyway, and any thing else that seems interesting. 150

Shadowing, 100 for a day, 650 for a week

Photos +50 dollars every day. 150 for a full week.

Confidentiality assured, unless you murder someone and I have to talk to the cops again.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Just the first option for now. I will throw in a bonus if you can find any potentially life ruining information.

From Ghostunkugi

To Tkuno

One of those jobs. I get it. [Paypal information] Please pay in a prompt manner. Due to school I probably won’t have a complete file until after Thanksgiving Break.

Kodachi’s Journal

I fear that that which I once loved

That flower that bloomed so boldly

Is wilting in my hands.

Now that our yearly cycle has spun us into

Those brief six weeks

When we all pretend to care about

Peace, love, and good will toward men

(even our families)

It makes me realize that the spring of our love

Gave way not to a passionate summer

But to the bleakness of a winter without you

Ranma

I trace your name on fogged windows at my gymnasium

But I worry I have sucked all strength from it

Like a sweet drained of it’s syrupy filling.

I shall take my time in repose

With my father and brother

And wrapped in their tenuous, florid, masculine embrace

I recall that all men appreciate a swift hard strike when they least expect it.

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (9/11)

From: DeanK@nsj

To: All Students

Aloha, everyone!

I know some of you might be thinking that spring semester is a misnomer when the ground is so covered in snow, but I assure you all that before long the snow will melt, the buds will bud and suddenly you’ll all be too warm to think straight, instead of too depressed like y’all are now!

[Lists of activities this semester, including a concert and de-stressers before finals week]

I wish to be transparent with you all when I admit that the case of the illegal duels has gone cold over winter break. If anyone has any information regarding them, please come to my office any time between 4 and 5pm Monday through Friday, or send me an e-mail. I promise that your identity can be kept a secret if you so wish.

On that note, have a cool semester!

Koadchi’s Journal,

Amir Kahn

Senior. Captain of the rythmic gymnastics team.

I sent her an e-mail over winter break,

And she actually replied.

She’s sweet.

But she’s still trying to sell me on gymnastics.

Says we’ll need a captain when she’s gone.

Says I have what it takes.

Says I have perfect form.

Says I have drive.

Says I’m right about how the sopranos should have ended.

Says her mom’s a good cook

Talks and talks and talks

And I all I want to do is listen

She wears oversized red flannel

She fought Ranma for Akane

Everyone wants to know if she likes girls

I want to know if she likes me.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

YOU CHODE

All those flowery words and you purposely misinterpret things? Katara was supposed to be with Zuko! ‘Too dark’? How about writing a show about a global war where massive destruction and genocide took place? Is that too dark?

Zutara is thematically consistent, but they watered down the ending for people like you who think everything has to fit into neat little boxes.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

Nabiki Tendo, I would admire your insistence on thematic consistency if you hadn’t begun this debate by declaring that Zuko and Katara would have ‘hotter’ sexual encounters.

I still say that the true beauty in a sexual encounter is how it acts as an extension of the relationship. For some reason many people insist on portraying sex as gritty and dark, but Katara and Aang could likely have fantastic sex because they would have it on crisp bedsheets, in a well lit room, with ample time to enjoy each other.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

Life isn’t always, ‘crisp bedsheets’ and ‘well lit rooms’, Kuno-babe. Sometimes it’s damp caves or fluorescent lighting. That’s when you want someone with you, and that’s when Zuko would be there for Katara. That’s why Kataang is so unrealistic. If you can only get it up for someone on a bed made with clean sheets can you ever really be there for them?

Facebook Messenger

Akane: Fight Ranma Again

Ryoga: No one wants to see that.

Akane: Fight Ranma Again

Ryoga: Who cares if I fight Ranma? You know, if you want to go out on a date all you had to do was ask ;)

Akane: This is no time for winky faces. Either you fight him or I do.

Ryoga: I think I’d like to see that.

Akane: You wouldn’t. Even when we’re trying to be nice we hurt each other. You don’t want to see what happens when the kid gloves come off.

Ryoga: What’s wrong? What did he do to you?

Akane: He fucked me up, that’s what. He got my emotions so twisted up I want to punch him and patch up his wounds. I want to scream at him and then cry and then scream some more. I want him to feel stupid and scared and angry.

Akane: I want him out of my life. Permanently.

Ryoga: Okay, before you hire a hit man, have you tried to talking to him?

Akane: I don’t want to talk to him. Talking to him made me think I liked him.

Ryoga: Why’d you stop liking him, then?

Akane: I talked to him some more and realized he only cares about himself and what’s best for him and what his dad tells him to do. My feelings don’t matter. He can kiss me and then forget about it. He can make me dream about mysterious men and better versions of him and then trample them.

Akane: Please fight him so I won’t have to.

Facebook Messenger

Ryoga: I want to duel you again.

Ranma: Tonight. Field behind the science building.

Ryoga: Isn’t that a little dangerous?

Ranma: You’re right. We should do it on the basketball court in the gym. Hell, let’s smoke some weed, and have an orgy while we’re at it! We can invite Dean Kuno! He’d have a blast!

Ryoga: What did you do to Akane?

Ranma: Liked her??? I KEEP TRYING TO PROTECT PEOPLE AND THEY KEEP SAYING I’M BEING SELFISH. I’M TRYING SO FUCKING HARD OVER HERE.

Ryoga: You know, there’s a difference between protecting someone for their sake and for yours.

Ranma: Who you ripping off there? Goethe?

Ryoga: I’ll fight you. But first I have to tell my girls I love them.

Ranma: Plural? WAHAHAHAHA. Go ahead, but tell them that when it comes to beating you up we gotta take turns!

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

To: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I ignored you so I could keep chasing other girls and not feel guilty. I’m sorry I held on to you like a safety school. I thought I was doing you a favor, but I was just jerking you around. I was talking to someone today and I realized I wasn’t telling you I’d fallen for someone else because I didn’t want to deal with you. Which is probably why you got as pissed as you did and killed my phone and…all the other things you did.

Also, I’m sorry I thought some mystical connection with another girl made it okay to treat you like shit. I’m not sorry about believing in mystical connections, but I feel a little silly. I mean, you can meet someone and instantly feel good around them. Right away you think they’re cool and you want to know them better, but then you have to get to know them better. Maybe that means you fight about sitcoms, or their exes, but I think that’s a lot more important for the whole falling in love with someone thing than just deciding they’re the most amazing person ever. That’s pretty detrimental to it, actually.

My point is, love can sneak up on you, but break ups shouldn’t. I let you be the last person to know that I was going to dump you, and that was really shitty. Thanks for not letting your pig eat me.

Love,

Ryoga Hibiki.

From: Prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Thanks.

For finally being honest.

(And not calling the cops on me)

Akari.

—You thought you could make me better/And I hoped it’d turn out right/You know I’d sell my soul to change it/But we’re out of time

Gymnastics Team Group Chat///Jumping Gymnasts

You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s another duel on.

Ranma and that guy he’s fought already.

Kuno?

The other one.

What is wrong with these guys?

I dunno, but I need a kick tonight. I’ll be there.

Me too.

Cap?

Will you be there captain?

It’ll be a club event!

Say you’ll come cap!

Cap!

Cap!

Cap!

Okay, Jesus. I’ll be there. Though, I’ve got to say, I’m a little disappointed all of y’all don’t have better stuff to do.

And what are you doing cap?

Nm. I’ll be there.

Shampoo’s phone——> Ukyo’s phone

Did you hear? Ranma

and Ryoga are fight-

ing tonight.

                                                                        Seriously? Didn’t school just start?

Eight P.M. Behind

the science build-

ing.

                                                                        See you there?

You bring the ice pack

I’ll bring the bandages?

                                                                    Sounds like a plan. I swear, if  Ryoga

                                                                    gets hurt over Akane…

Why? Are you jealous?

                                                                     Jealous? It’s a snowy hill in the dark.

                                                                        I’m worried he’ll break his neck!

So you don’t care who

Ryoga dates?

                                                                        No? I mean, it would suck if he

                                                                        pulled that ‘my girlfriend comes

                                                                        before anyone else’ thing on us.

That’s such bullshit.

What would you think

if someone put you

before everyone else?

                                                                         I think you should be checking

                                                                         our first aid kit, not making

                                                                         up riddles.

The Daily Times Post              All the news we can report                  February 1st

                                     THE WEIRD AND WILD

Cologne Clueless

A man at a nearby law firm is currently engaged in a large legal battle over what he deems to be wrongful termination. Another employee reported him for consistently coming to work reeking of marijuana. He claims that what his colleague mistook for smoke was actually the scent of his very expensive cologne. He is expected to bring several bottles to court, but he’s not sure how he will light up in the court room…For comparison purposes, of course.

Deuling Downfall

It’s been a while since we’ve had any impressive catastrophes from our local adolescent angst farm, Nancy Sullivan Junior, but recently four freshmen were taken to the hospital en masse due to an incident involving an illegal duel preformed on slippery terrain behind one of their science buildings. What was the fight over? Only the most time honored instigator of fights there is—the hand of a beautiful young lady.

Mixtape Mixup

Local club XS was dead silent this Friday night, except for the sound of Cotten-Eyed Joe, a song which had accidentally slipped into the dj’s playlist and left it’s audience cold, as well as momentarily motionless.

MY DIARY

Once, when I was a younger man, my father took me to a production of Macbeth at NSJ. It was small and low budget but well done, by which I mean that the witches' scenes were phenomenal. They were unearthly, cackling shrilly as their bodies contorted into painful postures. They rooted me to my seat, partly out of appreciation for their performance, and partly because I was worried if I drew too much attention to myself they would leap upon me and tear the meat from my bones.

I thought that once the witches departed from their final scene there would be no more magic for the evening. Then Macduff’s wife appeared, laughing gaily and playing with her son. I recognized in her gait and the cut of her chin the woman who had only a few scenes before been a bent and haggard witch.

It is truly something to see a witch shed her skin to reveal the woman underneath. A woman of kindness and civility, and then dire vulnerability as Macbeth’s men sent her to her grave. It is a magic all it’s own.

No no no, this simply will not do.

There is something I must admit to you, gentle reader, with no further ado, allusions, or passionate ramblings.

I kissed Nabiki Tendo.

Akane’s Diary

I don’t know how this happened.

That’s not true, I know I know it, but the pieces won’t come together in my mind. It still feels like things shouldn’t have gone this way. Like I’m living in that totally blown out of proportion worst case scenario that you think of for a a second before shaking yourself and saying it could never happen.

Ranma isn’t very big is he? It isn’t the hospital bed being huge and playing tricks on me, he’s never been that tall or wide. Hell, I’m taller than him. Still, when he’s up and angry he can add five inches just by standing right and staring down at you. Asleep and covered in bruises he looks like half the man he usually is.

I don’t know why I sent Ryoga that message. I’m not sure if I don’t want to be engaged to Ranma because I hate him, or if I don’t want to be engaged to him so I can do things that might lead to us being engaged. I fell back on Ryoga, and now he, Ranma, Kodachi, and Ukyo are in the hospital. And the only one who deserves to be here is me.

Nabiki is here too. She’s pacing like she wishes she wasn’t, and I’m writing because it feels wrong to be dicking around on my phone or doing anything other than explaining how this is all my fault. Genma was called, and we called dad so he knew. We also told him Ranma might be expelled, since we aren’t sure if anyone has told Genma that. I wonder if it’ll happen before Ranma even gets out of the hospital. Dean Kuno is here to be with his daughter, and I can’t tell if that counts toward Ranma’s time being officially enrolled or against it.

Nabiki says she’s going to find the cafeteria, although I think she just wants to stretch her legs. Good. I want to be alone.

I should write this out so I don’t forget it. This is going to be on me forever, so I should at least have the details straight.

I almost thought this fight was going to be cool. Ranma posted something about it on face book and tons of people showed up. More than I think have been there for any other fight. It was kind of cinematic, all the dark people milling around under crystal clear moonlight, glittering on the snow.

Ranma and Ryoga circled each other for a few minutes, feeling out the terrain more than each other. The snow was thick but powdery, and I felt safe that there wouldn’t be too much slipping. Some people were smoking, and the acrid scent made everything feel sharp.

Ryoga made the first move. He flew at Ranma so fast I was shocked. Even Ranma was caught a little off guard. He dodged though, and spun to make an attack. Snow flew up and caught the light. For a second, this seemed like a good idea.

Ryoga took some of the kick, but managed to turn so a lot of the force bounced off of him. He tried to grab Ranma’s leg, which was a mistake. Ranma punched him and Ryoga recoiled. Ranma went in for another strike, Ryoga jumped back. Then he went to the left, which I thought was a little weird, because he lined himself up for a hit. He ducked left again and I saw that he was leading Ranma to the edge of the slope that rolls toward the science building. I started to worry. With the help of some slippery snow Ryoga could launch Ranma off the edge of the plateau we were on.

Ranma didn’t notice. All he wanted to do was hit Ryoga as hard and as fast as he could. Ryoga was taking blow after blow, but he kept leaning left, and Ranma kept following him.

Then Ranma did a spinning kick. After all the punches he’d been throwing Ryoga was caught off guard. Ranma’s knee slammed into his stomach so hard everyone winced. He fell to his knees.

“Time!” Ukyo screamed. She broke out of the crowd and ran into the part of the ground that had become the ring. She planted herself in front of Ryoga, who was still shuddering on his hands and knees. He looked like he was going to throw up.

“What are you doing?!” Ranma yelled at her.

Ukyo didn’t flinch. She leaned into Ranma and said, “I’m keeping you idiots from hurting each other.”

“You want to fight me?” Ranma was fuming. He would have grappled with a hungry rottweiler if we’d thrown one at him.

“This isn’t how we’re supposed to solve problems anymore.” Ukyo said. “We don’t throw down behind the science building, or in the parking lot off the basket ball court.”

“This is the only way to solve problems.” Ranma spat. “I’m sick of trying so hard to fuck with people’s feelings. All that happens is that we still hate each other, we just pretend we don’t and try to be nice or whatever the fuck, and we sit on all this anger and hate and we smile and want to kill each other.” For a second something flickered over Ranma’s face that wasn’t rage, but it was gone too fast to say what it was. “I can’t do that. I’ve got to be honest. You want Ryoga to tap out, fine. But you’ve got to take his—“

Ukyo kicked him across the face. I don’t know if Ukyo does martial arts, but she’s definitely kept up on her flexibility exercises. The bruise along Ranma’s left temple is a purple negative of the bottom edge of her boot.

Once Ukyo got on the offensive, she stayed there. For a minute I thought she had Ranma cornered. Only he wasn’t shaken. He was plotting how to trip her up. He sent her to the ground and jumped on top of her.

I could see that purple haired girl I talked to once helping Ryoga up. He was a little too heavy for her, as unsteady as he was on his feet, and she motioned to a group of admirably muscly girls for help. One of them was Kodachi, wearing a flannel shirt that fit her so weirdly I’m pretty sure it belonged to the taller girl standing next to her. I don’t know why seeing Kodachi made me spring into action but it did. She reminded me that we were all going to have to explain the bruises, and possible bloodstains on the snow tomorrow. I ran to the other side of the ring and threw myself onto Ranma’s back. He screamed, but between Ukyo and I we managed to grab enough of his limbs to keep him still.

He wouldn’t stop screaming, though. Kodachi appeared at my side and started grabbing at us. I don’t know if she was trying to free Ranma or help restrain him, but when he lurched sideways she was knocked over, crashing into Shampoo and Ryoga—who had been walking towards us for some reason, even though the part of the ring we were in was nearer to the science building than the dorms.

It was also closer to the edge of the hill, and that collision sent us sliding down. At first we were just slipping, but when we struggled to pull ourselves up we gained speed, and soon we were shooting down the hill.

Stupid fucking north-east school with rolling hills.

We crashed into a tree stump. At least, the clump with me, Kodachi, Ranma, and Ukyo did. Shampoo and Ryoga went farther before they hit a tree. I think I was unconscious for a minute, crushed between Kodachi and Ranma.

Maybe longer? I remember crashing and then campus security showing up. I’m not sure how much time passed between that. Then there were ambulances because Ryoga and Ukyo were out cold and Ranma had a huge, jagged cut on his arm. Also, I heard the only thing Kodachi was wearing was that flannel shirt, and she took a few bumps to the head, so they put her in an ambulance too.

Nabiki’s back. The cafeteria has cream horns??? She got me one. She’s really flustered. She got lost a lot on the way.

It’s pretty good. The cream horn. I feel kind of sick, but also like I should eat. I guess there isn’t much we can do right now. I want to track down Dean Kuno and confess that this is all my fault, but I think he should have some time with his daughter first. Also, if I talked to him right now he’d probably want to kill me rather than expel me.

Is it bad if I’m tempted to let him?

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Fuuuuuuuuuuukkkk………Whyyyyy….

He was so freaked out. Pale and somehow tiny in his huge, puffy coat. Then he took it off and his sweater was too big, his sleeves covering his hands, and I started at him like I’d never seen a human male before. He looked like he was going to cry. His sis is okay, but he kept asking me stuff like, ‘What was she thinking?’, ‘I heard she wants to quit gymnastics. From someone else!’, ‘Should I have seen this coming?’.

Tatewaki Kuno. Taking responsibility. For something that wasn’t even his fault.

His hair was standing on end cause he kept fucking with it. It’s so thick.

I mean, I was worried about Ranma, but I knew it was his own damn fault. I didn’t feel like I didn’t even know him anymore. Kuno was on meltdown mode.

I just wanted to calm him down. I went to shake his shoulders, I was going to slap him like a hysterical woman. I’ve always wanted to do that…

But then I was holding him by the shoulders and looking into his eyes and whispering stuff? And then I was holding his face, and then I was kissing him. It was supposed to be short.

It was long. And slow. I could feel my heartbeat, but it wasn’t scary like when you’re full of adrenaline. It was like awareness spread out from my chest and I could feel every inch of my body. And every inch of his.

Then we stopped kissing and just breathed for a long time.

Too long. I had to get to the cafeteria. I asked Kuno if he knew where the cafeteria was and then I ran away. Like a coward.

[sheepydraws]

I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (4/11)

Last Chapter

Last Spring:

March 16th, Kasumi Tendo uploaded a private video to her account. The next day she released her first bento tutorial, starting her most requested series. It is still the video on her account with the most hits, even though it’s quality does not perhaps reflect that of her other videos. Unbeknownst to anyone, the rice balls she made in that video were stuck together with condensed milk and later served to her family with mango slices, because she was too anxious to shape them properly. She felt as though she was working under a deadline she had already missed. She didn’t want anyone sniffing around that private video.

Nabiki had shot it, and she had insisted her sister put it on the internet so it could be revealed with the click of a button. She said it would be evidence, in case the incident ever went to court, but Kasumi knew the threat of blackmail when she heard it.

Kasumi knew what her sister was capable of. Kasumi considered her hands washed of Nabiki’s little business venture. She may buy the alcohol and supply the drugs, but it is Nabiki who keeps things running smoothly—with blackmail, bribes, and the threat of physical violence, if necessary. (One does not grow up in a dojo without learning a thing or two). (Nor do they know a doctor is in love with them and don’t occasionally swipe a prescription pad).

Okay, so Kasumi wasn’t a saint, but she still didn’t like having that video on her channel. For a while it had been too easy to see it every time she made an update. The little grey thumbnail would hover there, menacingly, and she would stare until she found herself clicking it.

The video opens on a stairwell.

“Wow,” Nabiki says, “I can’t believe it’s all still here.”

“You only left a year ago, sis.” Akane says. She started htr not too long after this video, since there was no longer any reason to put it off, and only a few weeks later the difference between her face in the video and real life would surprise Kasumi.

“Oh, sister dearest-“ Nabiki began in sing-song, sounding like she’s about to launch into a “I am ten months older than you and so you must listen to my older sister bullshit” sort of speech. That is when they reach the top of the stairs and turn to find Kodachi and her brother standing there.

“Sister?” Kodachi says, looking confused.

You can’t see Nabiki’s expression, but the camera bounces as she jostles Akane, “Just a little ribbing.”

“Some of us actually respect our siblings.” Kuno replies haughtily.

“What are you even doing here?” Nabiki says, zooming in on Kuno’s face.

“I am here to see how my sister is doing in her last year at my alma mater,”

Nabiki snorts. “You pretentious fuck,” She mutters under her breath.

Sometimes Kasumi pauses the video here and prays for the footage to be different. Fifteen minutes of Nabiki and Kuno bickering would be perfectly alright. She wouldn’t mind watching that over and over.

Then there is a thud and Kuno’s face disappears from the screen, replaced by a blur of red, and the crash of something hitting the floor.

The camera pans down so you can see Kuno and Ranma as a tangled heap of limbs on the ground. Ranma rights himself and nonchalantly perches on Kuno’s chest.

“Hey, Nabiki, you just got me out of study hall!” He says with a wave.

Kuno rises beneath him like the ocean floor shifting, sending Ranma to the ground. “Who on earth are you?” He asks, wiping down the front of his now wrinkled button down, “And what nefarious thing did Nabiki Tendo do to allow you this truancy?”

Ranma paused in getting up to look at Kuno like he just spouted off a conspiracy theory involving aliens, cows, and hormones in the drinking water.

“Anyway,” Ranma says, turning back to Nabiki,  “Mr. Winkleman said I could come show my guest around the school, but you know your way around, so I’m going across the street for a hot dog.”

“Seriously,” Kuno says, now standing, and as dusted off as he is going to get, “Who is this guy?”

“He’s a friend of mine.” Akane replies quickly.

“You two aren’t friends.” Kodachi says, with an expression that claims lying is a foreign concept.

“We’re distant cousins.” Akane says. “We’re friends when we’re out of school.”

“Good thing you’re lying,” Ranma calls over his shoulder. He’s headed for the stairwell, already fishing a wallet out of his back pocket, “Or things would be pretty awkward at home.” He doesn’t seem to think anything of the remark, but Kuno won’t let it go. He grabs Ranma by the shoulder, and Ranma stops, though he shakes the hand off.

“I’m confused. How do you know Nabiki and her brother?”

Ranma smirks. “I don’t.”

“Good lord, man, stop being obtuse and explain what’s going on here or I shall report you to the front desk.”

Ranma rolls his eyes. “Stop speaking in a British accent or I shall have to beat the snot out of you.”

Akane comes into the frame, for a second silhouetted by the window, turning her into a shadow with a white halo. “Lay off you two. Ranma is a family friend, okay? That’s why I called him a friend.”

“Would you stop lying?” Ranma says.

Akane looks like she might growl at him. “Would you stop antagonizing everyone?”

“Only if you tell the truth for once.”

“This is Kuno, okay? He’s an asshole. He doesn’t deserve the truth.”

Kuno looks a bit hurt by this, but he doesn’t have a chance to get back into the conversation. It has become a two person match.

“What is it with you,” Ranma says, “And having to economize the truth? I don’t lie. I came out the second I heard the word trans, I broke up with my girlfriend as soon as you and I got engaged, and I told all my teachers that as far as I am concerned this year is a waste of my time, and you know what I get for that? Respect.”

Kuno is sputtering in the background, but Nabiki has cut him out of the frame. Maybe she could already tell, by the colors on Akane’s face, red, then pale, then burning red again, that this was a moment that needed to be on film.

“You should try it,” Ranma continues, “Then you wouldn’t spend all your time terrified that people are going to find out you’re exactly who you are.”

Akane’s hands ball into fists so tight her arms shake. “Shut up.” She hisses under her breath. A warning more than an order.

“No!” Ranma yells, “I will not shut up! I got sent to this lame-ass school for my senior year, the year that was supposed to be me and my girlfriend just fucking around and going to prom, but instead I’m here, with point zero friends, just cause I’m engaged to some girl who won’t even admit she’s a girl.”

Akane slaps him, and the camera shakes with the impact. Nabiki turns for a minute and you can see that the jostling was not caused by Akane’s palm, but rather the small crowd of students who have gathered to watch the spectacle. Most have money or food, probably headed out for lunch.

When the camera comes back to Akane and Ranma you can tell that they have seen the other students too. Both their faces are red, though there is a pale outline around the hand print on Ranma’s cheek.

“None of that is true!” Akane says to Ranma, though it is clearly for the benefit of the crowd.

“I’ll stake my honor on it!” Ranma yells, Akane his only focus. “I swear it on my honor as a fighter.”

“Fine then, fight me for it!” Even Akane takes a step back after that outburst, surprised as anyone else.

“You’re on.” Ranma says. “You, me, the parking lot by the basketball court. Now.”

With that they race down the stairs, Nabiki and a horde of underclassmen right behind them. They go through the side exit so they won’t have to go past the front desk and get asked what the heck they’re doing. The sunlight is momentarily blinding, but Nabiki keeps Akane in frame, elbowing underclassmen out of the way to do it, judging from the pained grunts in the background.

Akane and Ranma face off in the parking lot, circling each other for a minute to get the lay of the blacktop.

“You call it, Nabiki.” Akane says.

“You’re going to get expelled!” Nabiki yells over the crowd.

“It’s too late in the year for that.” Akane replies, and she was right.

“You two should just stop now, before someone gets hurt.” That someone won’t be Nabiki, though. She is not stupid enough to get between them.

“This is my honor!” They both scream, and they take that as their cue to start.

The first time Kasumi saw this she was expecting a careful, somewhat ritualistic judo match.

This is not that. This is a brawl. This is anything goes kind of fighting. You’d think that two people as skilled as Akane and Ranma would be kicking and dodging, flipping and throwing, but there is no time for that. Their bodies collide like monster trucks at a rally.

The underclassmen are screaming, but they can’t cover the sickening smack of flesh hitting flesh with the intention to hurt. Some people are cheering for Akane, some for Ranma. Among the encouragement are slurs that make Kasumi’s stomach flip.

Watching from the outside, weeks later, the whole thing seemed pretty pathetic. Not the damage Ranma and Akane inflicted on each other, that was serious. By the time teachers arrived to break them up they both had wounds that required stitches, scratches on their bodies from where they clawed at each other and where they scraped against the blacktop after they went down on it, and Akane was crying, her face a mess of snot and tears and blood, crumpled and bright red like a valentine someone had thrown in the gutter.

“Damnit, Ranma!” She screamed as the Chinese teacher hauled her away in a half nelson. Her voice cracked so hard on Ranma’s name you expect her throat to split, and Kasumi’s heart shattered. It was a pointless fight. The damage was done. The mark Akane got on her permanent record didn’t stop the rumors. Didn’t stop the anger and confusion. Kasumi didn’t even go to the damn school anymore, and she still got wind of the tales being spread. Akane Tendo is gay, no he’s a tranny, no she’s a dyke. She’s engaged, child marriage, judo, tae kwon do, Tendo.

You can already hear those words beginning to float through the air as Akane and the Chinese teacher disappear round the bend in the parking lot towards the front office.

The camera pans to Ranma, sucking on his split lip, blood already drying on his chin. He glances up at Nabiki as best he can with his left eye swelling up. The teacher holding his shoulder, biology, maybe, squints at Nabiki as well.

“What?” Ranma barks.

“I don’t know.” Nabiki says, “I guess I’m waiting for an explanation.”

Ranma touches his eye, and winces. “Your sister is a violent maniac.” He beams at the camera for a second, sending more blood oozing down his chin. “We’re made for each other.”

With that the screen goes mercifully black.